Joke
 

A friend just sent this to me. :)

Cute. I have heard that one before. If you have any you can translate into Spanish, I would like to use them...

Juan está en el centro de una gran ciudad dando vueltas y más vueltas intentando aparcar su coche.
Da una vuelta, espera, va un poco más lejos, espera, da otra vuelta....
Nada...
Desesperado, levanta la vista al cielo y dice: "Señor, si me encuentras un hueco para aparcar en cinco minutos, te prometo rezarte mucho, ser una buena persona, y...¡hasta daría limosna a los pobres!".

Entonces, de forma milagrosa, queda libre una plaza de parking justo delante de su coche.

Juan, emocionado, mira al cielo y dice:

"¡¡Señor, Oh Señor!! ¡No busques más que ya he encontrado yo una!!"

Thanks, Sosia. I've heard that one in English before and I love it!

rubias (blondes)
 

It's only a category, nothing personal with blondes :D

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Una rubia se dirige a su buzon, abre la puerta, mira dentro, cierra la puerta y se mete a casa. Minutos mas tarde, sale de su casa, se dirige a su buzon, abre la puerta, mira dentro, cierra la puerta y se mete a casa.
La rubia repite la operacion varias veces hasta que un vecino que la ha estado observando se acerca a ella y le dice:
- Debes esperar una carta o un paquete muy importante hoy,verdad?
La rubia le responde :
- No, pero es que el ordenador no para de decirme que he recibido correo.

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Dos morenas y una rubia estan invitadas a casa de un rey del petroleo en Texas. Las tres se pierden y llegan con retraso a casa del americano.
Al excusarse la primera morena dice :
Morena 1 : "Sorry, I'm late..."
Morena 2 : "Sorry, I'm late too..."
Rubia : "Sorry, I'm late three..."

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Una rubia se presenta a una entrevista de trabajo.
El jefe le pregunta:
- Diplomada?
- Plomada.

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Porque una rubia anda por la bañera mientras se lava el pelo??
Porque utiliza el champu "Wash and go"

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Dos rubias se van al bosque a busca un pino para Navidad.
Despues de dos horas de busqueda, una le dice a la otra :
- Bueno, ya es suficiente! El proximo pino que veamos lo cogemos, tenga o no tenga bolas de Navidad!

Aquí les va otro:

Un hombre habla con Dios.

HOMBRE: "¿Qué tan largo son un millón de años?"
DIOS: "Para mí es como un minuto"
HOMBRE: "Dios ¿Cuánto es un millón de dólares?"
DIOS: "Para mí es como un centavito."
HOMBRE: "Dios, ¿Me regalas un centavo?"
DIOS: "Espérame un minuto."

Here´s a couple more good ones:

This one highlights the gender differences between Spanish/English.

Unos vecinos se encuentran en la calle, y uno dice:
- Yo siempre me levanto cada dia a las 3.
Y el otro dice:
- ¿A las 3? ¿Y cómo lo haces?.
- Pues hago 1, 2, 3 y me levanto.

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Un ladrón le grita a otro, en medio de un asalto:
- ¡Viene la policía!
- ¿Y ahora qué hacemos?
- ¡Saltemos por la ventana!
- ¡Pero si estamos en el piso 13!
- ¡Este no es momento para supersticiones!

Dos empleados del casino estaban aburridos esperando en una de las mesas

En esto llega una rubia muy atractiva y apuesta 20.000 euros a un solo número.
El empleado del casino tira la bola de la ruleta y entonces la rubia dice:

- Espero que no les importe, pero me da más suerte estar totalmente desnuda.

Se quita toda la ropa y dice:

- ¡Venga bolita!, ¡vamos! Que mamá necesita ropa nueva.

Entonces sucedió...

- ¡¡ He ganado!!, ¡¡he ganado!!.

Empezó a dar saltos y abrazó a los dos empleados.
A continuación recoge el dinero y su ropa y se va.
Los dos empleados se miran atontados y uno le dijo al otro:
- Por cierto... ¿qué numero ha salido?
- No lo sé... pensé que TÚ estabas mirando...

MORALEJA
No todas las rubias son tontas, pero todos los hombres, son hombres

that was really nice

Un testigo de Jehová se sienta junto a un andaluz en un vuelo Sevilla-Madrid.
Cuando el avión ha despegado empiezan a repartir bebidas a los pasajeros.
El andaluz pide un whisky.
La azafata pregunta al testigo de Jehová si quiere beber algo.
Contesta el testigo de Jehová con mal tono: " Prefiero ser raptado y violado
salvajemente por una docena de putas de Babilonia antes que una gota de
alcohol toque mis labios."
El andaluz le devuelve el whisky a la azafata y dice:
"Yo también. No sabía que se pudiera elegir."

I just want to make it clear, that I am not this Juan.

pero, esta Juan:

Había una vez,
Juan, no único
quién pensó
en se para ser un jeque
pero, las mujeres no se cayeron
para este hombre cabezón
porque él hizo solamente
por una semana $20
en el todos de su cheque.

Hmmm $20 por semana no es mucho :)

¿esto eran veinte Pesos, yo mencionaron?

Viente pesos-- ¡peor tantito! :D

Obedient Wife There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miserable when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died.

He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!"

She had a box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."

The loyal wife replied," Listen, I'm a Christian; I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

not bad :D :D Welcome Samantha

thanks sosia

He he nice one Samantha, you made me laugh. :D

When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather first class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its "Fly In Leather" campaign literally, which meant "Fly Naked" (vuela en cuero) in Spanish.

:) It would be interesting to see a picture of an ad or something for that campaign. Mistranslations are always funny.

http://languagecenter.cla.umn.edu/el...article_id=100
Business slogans from American Demographics magazine:
When Braniff translated a slogan touting its upholstery, "Fly in leather," it came out in Spanish as "Fly naked."

Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."

Chicken magnate Frank Perdue's line, "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken," sounds much more interesting in Spanish: "It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate."

The Chevy Nova never sold well in Spanish speaking countries. "No va" means "it doesn't go" in Spanish.

When Pepsi started marketing its products in China a few years back, they translated their slogan, "Pepsi Brings You Back to Life" pretty literally. The slogan in Chinese really meant, "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back from the Grave."

When Coca-Cola first shipped to China, they named the product something that when pronounced sounded like "Coca-Cola." The only problem was that the characters used meant "Bite the wax tadpole." They later changed to a set of characters that mean "Happiness in the mouth." FALSE, it was always the second one. The first one it's the literal translation

A hair product company, Clairol, introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that mist is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the manure stick.

When Gerber first started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as here in the USA - with the cute baby on the label. Later they found out that in Africa companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside since most people can't read.

more
http://moronland.net/moronia/moron/1064/

I don't get it. It's funny, but I don't get it :P

Of course, but I didn't understand anything above this post.

One correction. You often use above when you should use about.

sobre = encima de (on, upon, on top of)
sobre = por encima de (above, over)
sobre = a propósito de (about)
nada de = anything about
algo de = something about

Is this mistranslation funny?
 

It's a sign at the door of a museum in China.

El día de la boda de Jennifer se acercaba rápidamente. Nada podía calmarle el nerviosismo - ni siquiera el feo divorcio de sus padres. Su madre había encontrado el vestido PERFECTO para ese día, ¡y quería ser la madre-de-novia mejor-vestida que nunca hubo!

¡Una semana más tarde, Jennifer se horrorizó al saber que la nueva y joven esposa de su padre había comprado exactamente el mismo vestido que su madre! Jennifer le pidió a su madrastra que lo cambiase, pero ella se negó. "En absoluto. Estoy perfecta con este vestido, y me lo voy a poner!" contestó.

Jennifer se lo contó a su madre, que cortésmente dijo, "No te preocupes, cariño. Me compraré otro vestido. Después de todo, es tu día especial!"

Pocos días después, fueron de compras y encontraron otro hermoso vestido. Cuando pararon para comer, Jennifer le preguntó a su madre, "¿Vas a devolver el otro vestido? Realmente no hay otra ocasión en que puedas ponértelo."

Su madre simplemente sonrió y contestó, "Desde luego que la hay, mi amor. Voy a ponérmelo para la cena del ensayo la noche anterior a la boda."

:lol: It's fantastic how "globalization" proves not so "globalizing".


A friend of mine sent me this about English language:

Angelica, that was good!


Otro cortito.

Que le dijo una uva verde a la uva morada?

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iReeespiiiiiiiraaaaaa! :)

Jajaja huy que ....


Cual es el colmo de un electricista?

The purple grape got angry at the green grape and said,
"When will you ever mature?"
The green grape could say, "Stop whining."

The green grape got angry at the purple grape for welching on a bet.
The purple grape said to the green grape, "stop putting the squeeze on me. ":)

haha its funny but I don't get it :P
Poli's and Tomisimo's :P

this is fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnn!!

:D

May someone translating me the joke at Spanish. Because I didn't understand anything.

The jokes you don't understand rely on a play on words (juego de palabras), and they wouldn't be funny if they were translated into Spanish. :confused:

Por ejemplo, lo siguiente no es gracioso en inglés porque consta con un juego de palabras:
¿Cuántos kilómetros vuela un pato a la quebrada?
No vuela nada con ala quebrada.

-Doctor, no me siento bien..
-Pues levántese.

I got it.


It doesn't matter.

Nah, siéntese mejor!

here's my joke, lol

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer's down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. What'll it be?"

The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky mountains."

"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.

The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?"

"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing."

"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud."

"So be it" says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.

A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks.

"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult."

"Why?" asked the Lord.

"He's on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota."

:lol:

Voy a tratar de explicar el chusco.
La uva morada le preguntó a la uva verde, «Oye, cuando vas a madurar»
La uva verde le contestó, «Termine de sollazar (en inglés sollazar es whine
y whine es un homónimo para wine y wine significa vino en inglés.
La uva verde se puso enfado cuando la uva morada (dejó de cumplir una apuesta)en ingles se puede decir
welch on a bet. El chiste es que, no se si en Mexico es igual, Welsh es una marca de jugo de uva
La uva morada le dijo a la verde,"no me esprimes tanto por el dinero"(put the squeeze on es un dicho que significa
presionar alguien para consiguir una cosa). Tambien se puede put the squeeze on una uva para obtener jugo.

In addition to trying to explain the puns, this is also an excercise in correct Spanish usage. Please advise me of errors.
Thanks.

Exactly right. :) (minor corrections)

Don't worry Poli. I can understand your joke.

Good luck for the next joke.

I would like to add to Angelica's post........


one louse........more than one = lice
one mouse......more than one = mice

house.......houses (:thinking:)

Wouldn't it be nice if ....

one spouse........more than one = spice (:p)(:whistling:)

Not sleeping can cause damage to your brain!

Burning the midnight oil, again! :sleeping::coffeebreak:

hahaha! :-)

Profesor: ¿Cúanto es 5 x8?

Juanito: 40?

Teacher: iTe pasaste!

Juanito: 39? ...

It's not very clear your joke man.:thinking:

You used the term "se pasó" in another post of yours.

I will explain if someone else does not get it either. :-)

Ca'mao :wicked: Also: (Does anybody understand this Ca'mao thingy?)

I got the joke, but not ca'mao :)

EDIT: unless it's "come on..."

My immediate thought was that ca'mao could be calmado. It is sometimes pronounced just as Chileno wrote it.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarium (sp?) eat?

:lol:

They should definitely be added to the whole listing... and the last one would be nice indeed. :lol: