Interested in Helping With my Marriage Proposal?

[BuzzKillington]

Well, not exactly the proposal itself... My girlfriend and I are traveling to DR so that I can finally meet the rest of her family, including her parents. The problem, as you may have guessed by my presence here, is that her parents only speak Spanish and my recollection of the language from college courses, a decade ago, is shabby at best. The proposal will be a surprise for my girlfriend, so obviously I can't ask her for help. Her family is very traditional, as am I, so I would like to ask them for their daughter's hand in marriage. I am trying to ensure I don't look like a fool based on my translation of the following:

"Thank you for your family's hospitality and the kindness you showed letting me stay at your house.

I have waited all my life to find someone as special as your daughter. There is no one else like her. I want to spend the rest of my life making her happy. I will cherish her and by loyal to her always. I know you've only just met me, but I hope you can see the love I have for your daughter.

I am writing this letter to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. Your approval would mean the world to me. Thank you."

I have managed to string this together with the help of Google and some borrowed text from answers to a previous post on a public message board:

Gracias por la hospitalidad de su familia y la bondad que me demostraron al dejarme quedar en su casa.

He esperado todo mi vida para encontrar a alguien tan especial como su hija. No existe nadie como ella. quiero pasar el resto de mi vida haciéndola feliz. La apreciaré y seré leal a ella siempre. Sé que acabas de conocerme, pero espero que puedas ver el amor que tengo por tu hija.

Le escribo esta carta para pedir la mano de su hija en matrimonio. Su aprobación significaría muchísimo para mí. Gracias.

I hope someone can chime in to help with any errors in the translation.

As a side note, I was very happy that my Googling led me to this forum. Six months ago I ordered some materials and have been doing some self-study, hoping some of the lessons learned years ago would flood back to me. That hasn't quite been the case but I have started looking into non-credit courses at my local community college. It seems like this forum is a wealth of knowledge and could be a great asset to those pursuing mastery of the Spanish language!!

[Rusty]

You've done pretty well!
I've corrected a couple of grammatical mistakes for you, and suggested some wording changes here and there.
Native speakers may offer other suggestions.

Escrito originalmente por BuzzKillington

Gracias por la hospitalidad de su familia y la bondad que me habían demostrado al dejarme quedar en su casa.

He esperado toda la vida para encontrar a alguien tan especial como su hija. No existe nadie como ella. Quiero pasar el resto de mi vida haciéndola feliz. Siempre la amaré y le seré fiel. Sé que acaban de conocerme, pero espero que puedan ver el amor que tengo por su hija.

Les escribo esta carta para pedir la mano de su hija en matrimonio. Me encantaría muchísimo su aprobación. Gracias.

I removed superfluous spacing between sentences, as well.

[BuzzKillington]

Thanks so much, Rusty! From looking around, I see you stay pretty busy here, helping people out. I truly appreciate it!

[Rusty]

You're welcome! Glad to have been of some help.

There are certainly other ways to say some of the things you wrote, so you can wait to see if a native speaker chimes in.
For example, instead of aprobación, you could say bendición. The idea would come across better that way.

[ROBINDESBOIS]

Rusty is the best !