Uh oh, culture clash

[x mi amor x]

I am new here and everything so if this breaks the rules I am sorry. But I posted my problem on a different forum that ive been on but there are predominatly people there who have no Spanish background at all. Anyways, I need advice on this problem explained below.

Here's some background info: I have a new boyfriend of about a month and a half who was born and grew up in Ecuador.

Last night when I called my friend she asked where i was i said i was on my way to Julio (my boyfriends) house. I got to his house and realized he was not there yet, however, his brother was there but in bed. I have a key to the house and they said i could be there whenever i wanted no matter who was there. I said on the phone oh wow only Jorge is here right now. My friend then went off and started saying that I shouldnt be at Julios house without Julio being there and that I shouldnt be there so much and everything because if Julio was an American it would be weird for you to be there while he wasnt at his house. She said also that some of the things that Julio says and the fact that i have a key after a month and a half ofdating would be a "red flag" in American culture. After this she proceeded to tell me that i need to "act more like an American, because you are an American but you sure dont act like it". After this she told me that I dont have a right to say i love South American food because I have never eatten one of their delicacies that they eat there.

This is not the first time that she's gone off on be about this weird culture shock thing. In the past she has changed my music in the car from spanish salsa, bachata, or reggeton to the radio because she just didnt feel like listening to that "crap". She's also said to me that I need to act more American and stop eatting so much rice, because I am not a Latina apparently according to her i cant eat rice.

But anyways so this thing really upset me and I dont know whether or not to talk to her or what i should do. I dont know what to say to her because I dont want to pit her against Julio because Julio never did anything to her but I want her to understand that I am happy and Im no longer going to let her bring me down because she doesnt like the way I am or what I like or whatever. So, what should I do? talk to her not talk to her? what should I say?

[CrOtALiTo]

I think that you should to try the American south culture because, if your boyfriend was born in Ecuador and you was born in U.S A, you are both have different customs therefore, you must to learn more about his culture and he about your culture although sometimes he gone off for long time, I can't opine because I don't know anything about your life and he life.

Good luck for the next time.

[irmamar]

I'd talk to her because if you don't, you can lose a friend. If I were you, I'd explain her the things you do and the reasons because you do them. And if you like listen to "salsa" in your car, I wouldn't allow anybody to change the music you love. This is as personal as your own personality and, if there is somebody who doesn't like your personality, as I would say in Spanish: "ya se puede ir con viento fresco". Good luck!

[Elaina]

Boy, this is kinda tough.

She probably is feeling jealous of the relationship you have with your boyfriend, or the lack of relationship you now have with her.

She hates the fact that when you do spend time with her, you bring your boyfriend along if only in spirit. Think about it.... when you go out with her, you listen to a totally different type of music, eat a totally different type of food and you probably talk a lot about him. Not only has he stolen her friend from her, he is totally changing her.

If you were best friends before Julio came in the picture, then she is going through the emotions of a "loss". You might say she is wrong to think that because you two still hang out together but it isn't.

Give her time to adjust. Limit your conversation about Julio when you are with her and try to spend "quality" time with this friend eventhough you are not spending as much time with her. Maybe you can introduce her to Julio's food and culture little by little. Don't force it upon her.

BUT..........

You also must understand that some people do not like people from other cultures. If this is the case, then you will need to make a decision. I, like Irmamar would send her packing.

You must do what you feel is right. We can only give you ideas and suggestions.

Take care,

[irmamar]

Good words, Elaina. I suppose you are more patient than I am.

So, "to send somebody packing" means "enviarlo a tomar viento", isn't it?

[Elaina]

Originally Posted by irmamar

Good words, Elaina. I suppose you are more patient than I am.

So, "to send somebody packing" means "enviarlo a tomar viento", isn't it?

If not, its very similar. But I believe it means the same thing.

[Fazor]

Sounds like a problem with her (OP's friend), rather than a culture thing. Like she thinks everyone should think/act exactly how she does.

I'm not the worlds greatest advice giver, but when it comes to that kind of thing, my personal philosophy has always been to stick with what works for you, and don't worry so much about what others think.

Oh, and as for the rice thing; you can always remind her that there's really no such thing as American food.

[CrOtALiTo]

Originally Posted by Fazor

Sounds like a problem with her (OP's friend), rather than a culture thing. Like she thinks everyone should think/act exactly how she does.

I'm not the worlds greatest advice giver, but when it comes to that kind of thing, my personal philosophy has always been to stick with what works for you, and don't worry so much about what others think.

Oh, and as for the rice thing; you can always remind her that there's really no such thing as American food.

I can be agree with you, your words were very close, but I think that the relationship between they two fault communication, I don't know much about it because as I said before, I haven't the place to meet them, but I know something about it, it's that the relation should more lovely and more special if the there is something that the person does not like of the other person then the relationship will turn harder understand to has, I think that she musts to talk with him first.

[irmamar]

Originally Posted by Fazor

Sounds like a problem with her (OP's friend), rather than a culture thing. Like she thinks everyone should think/act exactly how she does.

I'm not the worlds greatest advice giver, but when it comes to that kind of thing, my personal philosophy has always been to stick with what works for you, and don't worry so much about what others think.

Oh, and as for the rice thing; you can always remind her that there's really no such thing as American food.

Sorry! Would you mind to tell me what does "OP's friend" mean? Thanks.

[Fazor]

Originally Posted by irmamar

Sorry! Would you mind to tell me what does "OP's friend" mean? Thanks.

OP, in forum-talk, stands for "Original Poster" . . . the person who started the discussion.