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Would you critique my composition?

 

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Old March 21, 2013, 01:32 PM
kirk1 kirk1 is offline
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Would you critique my composition?

Hola. I have been participating in another Spanish language forum and decided to give one more a try. I am a native English speaker and a beginner at Spanish. I am in my second year of college Spanish classes. The current project is to write a composition based on a series of pictures that describe a sequence of events. Would you be so kind as to critique the Spanish version of the first paragraph of this composition. I am also providing the English translation.

Uno día en la escuela, Silvia tenía una tos y no sintió muy bien. Su cabeza estaba muy caliente y su profesora le dijo ir a la enfermera de la escuela. La enfermera le dijo Silvia que ella tenía una temperatura de 38C y que ella debe ir a su casa. Silvia puso sus libros y otros cosas en su mochila y caminó a la parada del autobús. Después de quince minutos, el autobús llegó.


One day at school, Silvia had a cough and did not feel very well. Her head was very warm and her teacher told her to go to the school nurse. The nurse told Silvia that she had a temperature of 38C and that she should go home. Silvia put her books and other things in her book bag and walked to the bus stop. After fifteen minutes, the bus came.
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  #2  
Old March 21, 2013, 01:52 PM
Jorgese Jorgese is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kirk1 View Post
Hola. I have been participating in another Spanish language forum and decided to give one more a try. I am a native English speaker and a beginner at Spanish. I am in my second year of college Spanish classes. The current project is to write a composition based on a series of pictures that describe a sequence of events. Would you be so kind as to critique the Spanish version of the first paragraph of this composition. I am also providing the English translation.

Uno día en la escuela, Silvia tenía una tos y no sintió muy bien. Su cabeza estaba muy caliente y su profesora le dijo ir a la enfermera de la escuela. La enfermera le dijo Silvia que ella tenía una temperatura de 38C y que ella debe ir a su casa. Silvia puso sus libros y otros cosas en su mochila y caminó a la parada del autobús. Después de quince minutos, el autobús llegó.


One day at school, Silvia had a cough and did not feel very well. Her head was very warm and her teacher told her to go to the school nurse. The nurse told Silvia that she had a temperature of 38C and that she should go home. Silvia put her books and other things in her book bag and walked to the bus stop. After fifteen minutes, the bus came.
Un día en la escuela, Silvia tenía tos y no se sentía muy bien. Su cabeza estaba muy caliente y su profesora le dijo que fuera a la enfermería de la escuela. La enfermera dijo a Silvia que tenia una temperatura de 38C y que debería irse a casa. Silvia puso sus libros y otras cosas en su mochila y andó a la parada del autobús. Después de quince minutos, vino el autobús.

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Old March 21, 2013, 03:14 PM
kirk1 kirk1 is offline
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Gracias, Jorge.
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