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  #1  
Old July 03, 2014, 04:40 PM
El Gato El Gato is offline
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Need Proofreading

I've been thinking of ways to improve my Spanish and reading has helped some, but someone on another forum had the idea of writing little stories in Spanish and I thought I'd see if that helps.
This probably does not even qualify as a story but I have to start somewhere, but I need to know what mistakes I am making if I want to improve so if anyone cares to correct my mistakes I'd be very grateful.

Mac El Oso
A Mac el oso no le gustan pescados. Los otros osos dicen él ésta loco porque pescado es el mejor comida en el mundo, pero Mac no se preocupa. Lo significa Mac puede tener todos las nueces y las bayas.
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  #2  
Old July 03, 2014, 05:29 PM
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Julvenzor Julvenzor is offline
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Quote:
Mac El Oso
A Mac el oso no le gustan () peces. Los otros osos dicen que él ésta [tilde] loco porque () pescado es el [agreement] mejor comida del mundo [idiom], pero Mac no se preocupa. Lo significa [what do you mean?] que Mac puede tener [it's not the best verb] todos [agreement] las nueces y las bayas.
Good attempt! The words in bold are incorrections or missing objects.

Notes:

Fish (animal, alive) = pez
Fish (food, dead) = pescado

As a rule, "that" is never omitted in Spanish.

Somebody/Something is the best in the world = El/La mejor del mundo.

An idiom is a sentence which cannot be translated literally into another language.

A pleasure.

Last edited by Julvenzor; July 03, 2014 at 05:33 PM.
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Old July 03, 2014, 07:42 PM
El Gato El Gato is offline
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Thank you for your corrections. This helps a lot.
I just have a couple questions.
The "Lo significa" was supposed to mean "It means," what could I have used instead to convey that?
What would have been a better verb to use than "tener"?
What is the meaning of the parentheses?
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Old July 03, 2014, 08:32 PM
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wrholt wrholt is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by El Gato View Post
Thank you for your corrections. This helps a lot.
I just have a couple questions.
The "Lo significa" was supposed to mean "It means," what could I have used instead to convey that?
"Lo" is a direct object pronoun; it can't function as a subject pronoun. In your original story, the subject of "significa" is the entire previous sentence. If you were referring to that entire previous sentence as a direct object, then "lo" would be the correct pronoun to use. However, to refer to the entire previous sentence as the subject of a verb one must use a neuter subject pronoun or, more often, a neuter demonstrative pronoun such as "eso".

Quote:
Originally Posted by El Gato View Post
What would have been a better verb to use than "tener"?
What would Mac be doing with the nuts and berries? Owning them? Or something else?

Quote:
Originally Posted by El Gato View Post
What is the meaning of the parentheses?
Empty parentheses typically indicate that something is needed at that spot. The English equivalent may not require anything there, but Spanish does.

Last edited by wrholt; July 03, 2014 at 08:36 PM.
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Old July 04, 2014, 11:41 AM
El Gato El Gato is offline
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Thank you again.
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  #6  
Old July 04, 2014, 05:07 PM
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Julvenzor Julvenzor is offline
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I wouldn't have been able to explain it better than Wrholt did. Please, try again and show it to us.
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Old July 04, 2014, 07:33 PM
El Gato El Gato is offline
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Originally Posted by Julvenzor View Post
I wouldn't have been able to explain it better than Wrholt did. Please, try again and show it to us.
Your explanation helped a lot, both of your explanations were very helpful. This is my revised version, probably still some mistakes, but most likely less than before.

Mac El Oso
A Mac el oso no le gustan los peces. Los otros osos dicen que él está loco porque el pescado es la mejor comida del mundo, pero Mac no se preocupa. Eso significa que Mac puede comer todas las nueces y las bayas.


I started with Spanish instead of writing it in English first, both times.
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Old July 05, 2014, 08:34 AM
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Julvenzor Julvenzor is offline
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Now, your text is perfect! In spite of it, consider it doesn't sound idiomatic (just like a child written story).

You need "los" before "peces" because "los peces" are the subject of the sentence:

Los peces (Suj) no le (OI) gustan (V) a Mac el oso (OI).

By definition, almost "all" of nouns working as a subject require articles (there are exceptions). I would have used "acaparar" or "adueñarse":

Eos significa que Mac puede acaparar/adueñarse de todas las nueces y (las) bayas.


A pleasure.
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  #9  
Old July 05, 2014, 04:32 PM
El Gato El Gato is offline
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Originally Posted by Julvenzor View Post
Now, your text is perfect! In spite of it, consider it doesn't sound idiomatic (just like a child written story).

You need "los" before "peces" because "los peces" are the subject of the sentence:

Los peces (Suj) no le (OI) gustan (V) a Mac el oso (OI).

By definition, almost "all" of nouns working as a subject require articles (there are exceptions). I would have used "acaparar" or "adueñarse":

Eos significa que Mac puede acaparar/adueñarse de todas las nueces y (las) bayas.


A pleasure.
It's good to know I was able to get it right in the second attempt with your help. Getting the nuances down, I image, will improve with time and more exposure to Spanish.
I'm going to add the verbs you suggested to my notes, as I hadn't seen or heard them before.

Muchas gracias.
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