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Night Comes OnAsk about definitions or translations for Spanish or English words. |
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#1
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Night Comes On
These two Dusk and Dawn were written as a pair.
I would like a Spanish translation for them but I was thinking that maybe it would be better if I didn't post my translation first. Ideally it would be nice to preserve the rhythm at least if not some of the rhyme too. Night Comes On Shroud of dusk as sunlight fades and dimming light no longer stays shadows lengthen until gone melting features night comes on like black satin dark enfolding embracing beauty eyes closed holding a long last sigh when breath begins its preparation to draw in. So passion filled the daylight spent the spirit full at dusk content |
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#2
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I dont think my translating this would be a good thing but I like your poetry.
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Sonrisas de oro! |
#3
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Personally I think it sounds good in English, why translate it?
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#4
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We can translate it to Spanish without loosing the English version too!
Viene la noche Sudario de [anochecer/crepúsculo] Al desvanecerse [los rayos del sol/la luz del sol] La luz se debilita Y se va Las sombras se alargan Hasta irse Rasgos se derriten Viene la noche Como satín negro Oscuridad abriéndose Abrazando la hermosura Ojos cerrados reteniendo Un último y largo suspiro Cuando inicia el respiro Su preparación Para inhalar Así la pasión llenaba La luz del sol se desgastaba El [alma llena/espíritu lleno] Al anochecer, contento
__________________
If you find something wrong with my Spanish, please correct it! |
#5
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Viene la noche
Gracias, David, bueno.
This my not be the final draft, but putting some of Davids good ideas and some of what I had already together: Night Comes On; / Viene la noche Shroud of dusk; / Amantar de la oscuridad as sunlight fades; / como desaparece el sol and diming light; / y esfumarse la luz no longer stays; / permanecer no más shadows lengthen; /Las sombras alargan until gone; / hasta que se va melting features; / disolver los rasgos night comes on; / viene la noche like black satin; / como satén negro dark enfolding; / oscuro envuelta embracing beauty; / abrazando belleza eyes closed holding; / con los ojos cerrados a long last sigh; / un suspiro pasado when breath begins; / cuando vaho comienza its preparation; / su preparación to draw in.; / para tomar adentro. So passion filled; / La pasión tan llenaba the daylight spent; / la luz del día pasó the spirit full; / el espíritu ser lleno at dusk content; / en crepúsculo contento. It is so easy to change the meaning. Let me know of any of these lines do not work right. I wanted to see how close my translation might be to someone who knows the language a lot better. |
#6
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una buena impresión
Para hacer una buena impresión en las mujeres que hablan solamente español.
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#7
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And here's me building on your translation:
Night Comes On; / Viene la noche Quote:
¿Qué te parece?
__________________
If you find something wrong with my Spanish, please correct it! |
#8
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Gracias.
No wonder satén wouldn't translate. But I looked it up so I knew it was ok. I did consider that "tan lleno" line that way, but wasn't sure. al desaparecerse el sol / when disappears the sun como desaparece el sol / as the sun disappears ¿esta no es correcto? se van... bueno. Porque sombras es plural, también "disuelven" lo rasgos es plural. un suspiro alargado. Alargado es bueno palabra aquí I just couldn't seem to get any of the breath/inhale words to work like i wanted. I'm after the metaphoric implication there rather than the literal. Gracias para ayudarme. |
#9
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cuando el sol se desaparece = when the sun disappears
al desaparecerse el sol = as the sun disappears / upon the sun disappearing / when the sun disappears como se desaparece el sol = like the sun disappears / as the sun disappears / the way the sun disappears Quote:
__________________
If you find something wrong with my Spanish, please correct it! |
#10
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Vaho usually means breath, but a visible one:
the typical examples are winter Que frío, sale vaho de las personas It's cold, you can see the people breathing when you write on a window/glass En el vaho de la ventana escribí: Te quiero In the breath placed on the window I wrote: I love you Dictionary Quote:
my try, based on the original one (and some Tomisimos things. ) because the last one it's already checked by Tomisimo. Viene la noche Sudario de oscuridad, los rayos desaparecen y la luz temblorosa ya no permanece. Las sombras se alargan ocupando todo, desfigurando rasgos, viene la noche. Como negro satén, negra envoltura que abraza la belleza y cierra los párpados. Con un último, largo, suspiro el aliento comienza su preparación para retirarse. Tan lleno de pasión como se pasó el día el espíritu lleno contento al anochecer. Last edited by sosia; May 15, 2007 at 02:37 AM. Reason: explanation of vaho |
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