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Two Different Translations of an English Paragraph

 

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  #1  
Old September 19, 2011, 08:59 PM
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Two Different Translations of an English Paragraph

Hulloo... just popping my head in here after doing some spanish studying. Yes, I still lurk on the forum from time to time. haha. Anyways, I've decided to take my meager understanding of the spanish language and try something a bit new.

Instructions: Below is a paragraph in english and two different attempts at possible translations into spanish. I have several questions about each:

The floater sped through the plains, rising and falling with the terrain, riding the gentle waves of hills and valleys at an even speed. Clearing a ridge, the two men in the cock-pit looked ahead--one with mild interest--the other with open amazement, at the sea of tall grasses and rolling plains.

* * *

"Hay allí"

Dentro de el campo, los hombres conducen la máquina, y van alto y bajo con los differentes terreños. Ascendiendo la montaña, los hombres miran a las hierbas--un hombre con más deseo que el otro.

* * *

"Hace hay."

El campo, los hombres se llevan entre terreño duro, alto, y bajo. Cuando los acogen el paso, tienes entido que los dos admiran el territorio--el uno más que el dos.

* * *

questions:

1. I am interested in the differences and shifts in meaning that these two paragraphs would convey, and what sort of impression that each would leave on the reader/listener. Neither of these are native spanish, I am sure, but my goal was to try to be as accurate as possible.

2. Which translation out of only these two best conveys the emotions, shades of meaning, etc, of the english paragraph, even if only a base approximation?

3. How would you translate the english paragraph into spanish?

4. Finally, I tried to write each spanish translation to have a certain aesthetique with the words. I was trying to not only make the words be accurate, but also sound beautiful as well. Comments on my attempts in each case would be wonderful. Thanks.

Last edited by CobaltStymie; September 19, 2011 at 09:09 PM.
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  #2  
Old September 19, 2011, 09:46 PM
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If your native language is English, then you're working twice as hard and still you are not sure of what comes out as the result in Spanish. Why?

Because you don't understand Spanish.

Translate from Spanish to English and you're going to have a better shot at the resultant translation.
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Old September 19, 2011, 11:36 PM
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I'm trying to be nice here, but neither paragraph is a translation of the English paragraph. They don't even come close. Not even one word in the first sentence was correctly translated.

Give translation another try.

...
Start with the correct subject.
The verb may be a bit tough to find in some dictionaries, so here's one way to say it:
ir a toda velocidad
Notice the action occurred in the past, so you'll need to conjugate accordingly.
The prepositional phrase starts with 'through'. Find the proper word. The floater sped through the plains (not a field).
Next you'll need to use some participles - rising and falling. The verbs you'll use to get the appropriate participles are subir and bajar.
Check the spelling of terrain in Spanish.
...

I'll stop there. Sorry about spelling things out, but in order to properly translate, every word needs to be considered.
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Old September 20, 2011, 11:20 AM
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Hmm...

I have a question: when one does a translation(and I may be putting both my feet in my mouth here), does one have to translate each world literally?

Or...maybe not literally, but...wait... I thought translation was more of a kind of paraphrasing. Not just translating literal words? Hmm... Ok. I'll try again.
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Old September 20, 2011, 11:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CobaltStymie View Post
Hmm...

I have a question: when one does a translation(and I may be putting both my feet in my mouth here), does one have to translate each world literally?

Or...maybe not literally, but...wait... I thought translation was more of a kind of paraphrasing. Not just translating literal words? Hmm... Ok. I'll try again.
Word for word translation usually doesn't work. Paraphrasing is the way to go, but it's best to stick as close as possible to the script.
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Old September 20, 2011, 11:44 AM
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You should strive to convey the same idea in the other language. Therefore, all words need to be considered. Don't try to translate word-for-word, as there is seldom a one-to-one correlation, but the idea can be (and should be) translated.
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Old September 20, 2011, 12:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CobaltStymie View Post
Hmm...

I have a question: when one does a translation(and I may be putting both my feet in my mouth here), does one have to translate each world literally?

Or...maybe not literally, but...wait... I thought translation was more of a kind of paraphrasing. Not just translating literal words? Hmm... Ok. I'll try again.
If you follow my advice, you'll see that literal translations don't work well, but you get the idea...
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Old September 20, 2011, 02:06 PM
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In which part of "Hace hay." is a "certain aesthetique (sic)"?
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Old September 23, 2011, 10:15 AM
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Bueno, yo creo que para traducir de un idioma a otro, hay que tener una óptima propiedad de lenguaje en ambas lenguas y para eso hay que pensar en los dos idiomas.
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Old September 23, 2011, 11:01 AM
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De acuerdo. Saber pensar en los dos idiomas es de suma importancia. Traducir la idea entera y, por extensión, los pensamientos, es el oficio del traductor.
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