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Ozymandias

 

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  #1  
Old May 18, 2010, 02:25 PM
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Ozymandias

Well, any sugestion or correction will help me a lot. Thanks for advance.



I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
Conocí a un viajero de una tierra antigua
Que dijo: dos vastas y desmembradas piernas de piedra
Yacen en el desierto. Cerca de ellas, en la arena,
Medio hundido reposa un rostro destrozado, cuyo ceño
Y ceñido labio, y burlona sonrisa de fría autoridad,
Nos dicen que su escultor bien entendió esas pasiones
Que todavía sobreviven, estampadas en estas cosas sin vida,
La mano que las imitó, y el corazón que las alimentó;
Y en el pedestal estas palabras se leen:
"Mi nombre es Ozymandias, rey de reyes:
Miren mi obra, poderosos, ¡y desesperen!"
Alrededor nada queda. En el declinar
De esos colosales restos, ilimitada y desnuda
La arrasadora y solitaria arena se extiende a lo lejos.


Percy Bysshe Shelley
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Last edited by ookami; May 19, 2010 at 02:17 PM.
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  #2  
Old May 18, 2010, 03:45 PM
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Muy bien. Tengo pocos comentarios.

"The hand that mocked them" - ¿"imitar"? "Burlarse" es la traducción típico de "mock". ¿O es que quieres evitarlo por ya haber usado "burlona"?

"Ye" es la forma antigua de segunda persona formal, así que "usted" lo traduce mejor que "tú".

"Mighty" sería "poderoso". "Todo poderoso" es "Almighty".

Y has desplazado la i de "extiende" en la última línea.
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  #3  
Old May 18, 2010, 04:08 PM
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tierra antigua = ancient land

a su rededor nada queda = nothing remains around you
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  #4  
Old May 19, 2010, 12:14 AM
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Una cosa más que se me ocurrió más tarde: he siempre interpretado "ye Mighty" como un plural.
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  #5  
Old May 19, 2010, 07:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pjt33 View Post
Una cosa más que se me ocurrió más tarde: he siempre interpretado "ye Mighty" como un plural.
You are a native, but just by reading, I would translate that as "Tú/Usted, poderoso"
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  #6  
Old May 19, 2010, 07:36 AM
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Thanks for the corrections

About "antique land" what would you suggest Rusty? because I've found that antique can be translate as antigua, and I can't imagine another word to express that.
And I've changed "a su rededor" by "alrededor", hope its more correct. now In this sentence I'd a doubt with "Round", I just omite it, because I've said "alrededor" before, so it didn't semmed necesary.

About the "mock" thing, I understand it as imitate (lets say, to engrave Ozymandias in stone), an action that comes from the sculptor. And "the heart that fed" will be an action that comes from the king. But I have huge doubts about how to translate that entire sentence.

I think you are right pjt33, what do you think of this attempt?

"Mi nombre es Ozymandias, rey de reyes:
Miren mi obra, poderosos hombres, ¡y desesperen!" // Hombres poderosos, ¡miren mi obra y desesperen!"


Or maybe is better with "mirad" and "desperad"

Thanks, goodbye.
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'Time is a sort of river of passing events, and strong is its current; no sooner is a thing brought to sight than it is swept by and another takes its place, and this too will be swept away.' M.A.

Last edited by ookami; May 19, 2010 at 07:43 AM.
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  #7  
Old May 19, 2010, 11:15 AM
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Alrededor seem right to me. I like your translation.
This is my father's favorite poem, and I like it too.
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Old May 19, 2010, 12:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ookami View Post
About the "mock" thing, I understand it as imitate (lets say, to engrave Ozymandias in stone), an action that comes from the sculptor. And "the heart that fed" will be an action that comes from the king. But I have huge doubts about how to translate that entire sentence.
I withdraw my previous comment. You're right that "mock" can mean "imitate"; I don't think it's a particularly common usage today but Shelley didn't write it yesterday and poets often use words in uncommon ways to fit rhyme or metre.

Quote:
I think you are right pjt33, what do you think of this attempt?

"Mi nombre es Ozymandias, rey de reyes:
Miren mi obra, poderosos hombres, ¡y desesperen!" // Hombres poderosos, ¡miren mi obra y desesperen!"


Or maybe is better with "mirad" and "desperad"
I'm not sure whether you're aiming for a particular metre, in which case 'miren vs mir'ad and desesp'eren vs desesper'ad makes a difference, but I'd be inclined to drop the "hombres" and go with

Miren mi obra, poderosos, ¡y desesperen!

It evens the lengths of the two lines (13 / 14 instead of 13 / 16) and I think it gives that line more impact. In my opinion it's the line in the original with the most impact (and I'm sure it's the one I hear quoted out of context the most) so I'd want it to punch in the translation too.
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  #9  
Old May 19, 2010, 03:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ookami View Post
Thanks for the corrections

About "antique land" what would you suggest Rusty? because I've found that antique can be translate as antigua, and I can't imagine another word to express that.
I already gave you the translation: ancient land
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  #10  
Old May 19, 2010, 04:28 PM
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Rusty, he's translating an English poem to Spanish.
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