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Help proofread this, please

 

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  #1  
Old October 21, 2011, 08:28 PM
Jsrik Jsrik is offline
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Help proofread this, please

I'm writing a short essay for my Spanish class. I was wondering if there are any grammatical mistakes; I've tried checking in online Spanish checkers but they don't seem to work too well.. I decided talking to real people might help abit more

Here is my paragraph. Is there anything I can improve upon or make clearer? I know that it might not make too much sense realistically, but I needed to include vocabulary words.

"Por los estudiantes, es muy fácil sufrir de tensiones. Muchos estudiantes llevan una vida agitada, porque ellos tienen mucha tarea o trabajo. ¡El colegio es un lugar que causa mucho estrés! ¿Qué deben a los estudiantes hacen? Bueno, sería buena idea tomar las cosas con calma. Para aliviar el estrés, estudiantes deben relajarse a veces cuando hacen la tarea. Se recomiendo tomar siestas cuando sienten agotado también. Lo más importante es que cuidarse."
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  #2  
Old October 21, 2011, 11:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jsrik View Post
Por los estudiantes, es muy fácil sufrir de tensiones (I suppose this is vocabulary you have to use. I'd just say 'stress'.). Muchos estudiantes llevan una vida agitada, porque (ellos) tienen mucha tarea o (+) trabajo. ¡El colegio es un lugar que causa mucho estrés! ¿Qué deben a los estudiantes hacen (if you place the two verbs back to back, it'll make more sense what's wrong)? Bueno, sería (+) buena idea tomar las cosas con calma. Para aliviar el estrés, (+) estudiantes deben relajarse a veces cuando hacen la tarea. Se recomiendo tomar siestas cuando (+) sienten agotado(+) también. Lo más importante es que cuidarse.
Welcome to the forums!

I've highlighted in red what isn't correct. The (+) marks indicate that something needs added.

Ask questions about what I've marked if you don't understand.
Post your changes to the paragraph so we can see what other help might be needed.
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  #3  
Old October 22, 2011, 12:22 AM
Jsrik Jsrik is offline
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¡El colegio es un lugar que causa mucho estrés! Muchos estudiantes sufren de tensiones; llevan una vida agitada porque ellos tienen mucha tarea o el trabajo. ¿Qué deben hacer? Bueno, sería una buena idea tomar las cosas con calma. Para aliviar el estrés, los estudiantes deben relajarse a veces cuando hacen la tarea, y les recomiendo tomar siestas cuando los estudiantes sienten agotado. Lo más importante es cuidarse.

I've revised it, deleted, and rearranged some of the sentence structure. How does it look now? I underlined some of the changes I made
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  #4  
Old October 22, 2011, 01:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jsrik View Post
¡El colegio es un lugar que causa mucho estrés! Muchos estudiantes sufren de tensiones. Llevan una vida agitada porque (ellos) (unnecessary) tienen mucha tarea o el (this was marked before because the adjective needs repeated - watch agreement in doing so) trabajo. ¿Qué deben hacer? Bueno, sería una buena idea tomar las cosas con calma. Para aliviar el estrés, los estudiantes deben relajarse a veces cuando hacen la tarea, y les recomiendo tomar siestas cuando los estudiantes (this was marked before because the verb that follows should be pronominal - the repetition of the subject isn't necessary) sienten agotado(this was marked before because the adjective doesn't agree in number with the subject). Lo más importante es cuidarse.
Good job on most of the changes.
I've marked where changes are still needed.
It may be a good idea to change 'sometimes' to 'a little'.
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  #5  
Old October 22, 2011, 10:50 AM
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¡El colegio es un lugar que causa mucho estrés! Muchos estudiantes sufren de tensiones y llevar una vida agitada porque tienen mucha tarea o mucho trabajo. ¿Qué deben hacer? Bueno, sería una buena idea tomar las cosas con calma. Para aliviar el estrés, los estudiantes deben relajarse un poco cuando hacen la tarea, y les recomiendo tomar siestas cuando sienten agotados. Lo más importante es cuidarse.

Okay, I think I've fixed everything. How does it look now?
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  #6  
Old October 22, 2011, 11:06 AM
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The verb llevar needs conjugated.
The verb sentirse is pronominal. You're still missing the pronoun in that conjugation.

Looks good, otherwise.
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  #7  
Old October 23, 2011, 11:17 AM
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In Spain, se duerme una siesta o se echa una siesta, pero no se toma una siesta. But I don't know if "tomar" is right in some/all American countries.
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  #8  
Old October 23, 2011, 11:39 AM
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@Don José: It's right in Mexico.
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  #9  
Old October 23, 2011, 12:17 PM
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Changed llevar into "llevan", and added a "les" infront of sienten agotados.

I think it is perfect now . Thank you guys for the help!
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  #10  
Old October 23, 2011, 03:56 PM
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'Les' isn't the correct pronoun to use. The verb is sentirse. This pronominal verb is reflexive in nature, so it'll need a reflexive pronoun in front of it instead of an indirect object pronoun.
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