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Old March 27, 2016, 04:27 PM
Marita A. Hansen Marita A. Hansen is offline
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Help Needed to Confirm A Translation

I need help from anyone who is fluent in both Spanish and English. I've been approached by a translator who wants to translate my self-published mafia series My Masters' Nightmare into Spanish. She's given me a sample and I just want to know if it's a good/accurate translation or not. I'll pop both the English and Spanish versions below. Thanks in advance! I had heaps of people to confirm my Italian translations, but can't find any Spanish ones! So, I'd greatly appreciate your help.

Original

1
RITA

I walked into the hotel bar knowing there was a strong chance that I would be drugged and kidnapped by the end of the night. Which was exactly why I was there. And why I’d slipped on the little black dress with two slits up the side, anything to encourage it to happen. I paused to look around the room, aware I was being watched by more than just the men in the bar. Four surveillance cameras were positioned at strategic points, my co-workers watching from outside of the New York hotel, where only the rich and infamous stayed.

A blond man pushed off a barstool and headed for me, his cream-colored Versace suit suggesting he was a cut above the rest of the patrons. He looked familiar, possibly a movie star from one of the many films I didn’t have time to see, my job as a FBI agent all-consuming, which was the way I preferred it, so I didn’t have time to think about my husband. I held up my hand before the man could get a word out, showing him the wedding ring I refused to remove, the diamond encrusted band lovingly designed by my husband, who’d been killed by the very people I was going to take down.
To my surprise the man bowed, then returned to his seat, allowing me to get back to my work. My gaze moved to the end of the bar, where I hoped Jagger D’Angelo was still sitting—my predator, my target, the bait for unsuspecting women. And he was the perfect bait, the man so beautiful he could’ve stepped right out of a Versace catalogue, the suit looking even better on him than the actor who’d approached me, the light material covering him a tease to the senses. The mob certainly had picked well, because Jagger was a work of art.

Spanish Translation

1
RITA

Cuando entré en el bar del hotel, ya sabía que tenía muchas posibilidades de acabar la noche drogada y secuestrada. Y eso era, exactamente, lo que quería. Y era también la razón por la que me había metido en ese minúsculo vestido negro con dos grandes aberturas en los laterales. Pondría todo de mi parte para que ocurriera. Hice una pausa y miré alrededor. Podía sentir un montón de miradas sobre mí. Desde el exterior del hotel New York, al que solo entraban ricos y famosos, mis compañeros de trabajo también podían verme, gracias a las cuatro cámaras de vigilancia colocadas en sitios estratégicos.

Al verme, un hombre rubio sacó un taburete y me lo ofreció. Su traje color crema de Versace indicaba un estatus posiblemente mayor al del resto de los clientes. Su aspecto me resultó familiar; puede que fuera un actor de alguna de las películas que no tenía tiempo para ver. Mi trabajo como agente del FBI ocupaba todo mi tiempo. Y era mejor así, porque no tenía que pensar en mi marido. Antes de que el hombre pudiera decir una palabra, alcé la mano y le enseñé mi anillo de casada. Me había negado a quitármelo. Lo había diseñado mi marido, y tenía diamantes incrustados. La gente con la que me había propuesto acabar era, precisamente, la responsable de su muerte.
Para mi sorpresa, el hombre me hizo una reverencia y volvió a su asiento. Mejor. Así podría centrarme en mi trabajo. Paseé la mirada hasta el fondo del bar, esperando ver a Jagger D'Angelo: mi depredador, mi objetivo, el cebo de las chicas desprevenidas. Y él, ciertamente, era el cebo perfecto. Un hombre tan guapo que parecía recién salido de un catálogo de Versace, con un traje impecable que le sentaba aún mejor que el del hombre que se me había acercado antes. La mafia le había elegido bien: Jagger era, sin duda, una obra de arte.
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