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Would someone proofread?

 

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  #1  
Old March 17, 2011, 01:54 PM
crainbuilder crainbuilder is offline
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Would someone proofread?

Would someone please be willing to proof read this for me? I really could use some help with my grammar. If someone could, I would be extremely grateful!
Yo soy una maestra de primer grado, y tengo un problema grande: Nacho. Es un estudiante mío que es insoportable. Me vuelve loca porque es malcriado y mimado. Si no le doy que lo quiere, llore por horas. Traté de castigar a él, pero todavía se porta mal. Yo decidí que él más ayuda que puedo darle puesto que pelea con los otros niños y no quiere hacer bien en sus clases Ahora, estoy llamando sus padres para hablo de los problemas de Nacho. Su madre contesta el teléfono así me introduzco. Le digo que Nacho tiene muchas dificultades en escuela y con sus compañeros de clase. Le digo que no se porta bien Nacho, y por eso, creo que necesita más disciplina. Su madre exclame, “¡Se equivoca! Mi Nacho es un muy buen niño, y no tengo nunca problemas con él a casa.” ¡Qué ridículo! Digo que recibe malas notas y no se lleva bien con los otros niños, pero su madre insiste: “Sea confundido. Mi hijo es un angelito inocente, y no escucharé me dice cómo criarse mi hijo,” ¡y me cuelga! Estoy tan furioso, pero no hay nada más que puedo hacer pero espero hasta que Nacho se gradúa.

Thanks!!
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  #2  
Old March 17, 2011, 04:25 PM
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Rusty Rusty is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crainbuilder View Post
(Yo) soy una maestra de primer grado, y tengo un problema grande: Nacho.
Él es mi estudiante y es insoportable.
Me vuelve loca porque es malcriado y mimado.
Si no le doy lo que quiere, llora por horas. (what he wants = lo que quiere)
Traté de castigarlo (a él), pero todavía se porta mal.
(Yo) decidí que no podía más con él puesto que pelea con los otros niños y no quiere portarse bien en sus clases.
Llamé a sus padres para hablar con ellos acerca de los problemas que tenía con Nacho. (past tenses should be used from here on out, as all this transpired in the past)
Su madre contestó el teléfono. Me presenté. (introduce oneself = presentarse)
Le dije que Nacho tenía muchas dificultades en la escuela y con sus compañeros de clase.
Le dije que no se portaba bien Nacho, y por eso, le sugerí que él necesitara más disciplina.
Su madre exclamó, “¡Se equivoca! Mi Nacho es un niño muy bueno, y no tengo nunca ningún problemas con él en casa.” (at home = en casa)
¡Qué ridículo!
Le dije que recibía malas notas y no se llevaba bien con los otros niños, pero su madre insist: “Está confundida. Mi hijo es un angelito inocente, y no aguantaré que (usted/alguien) me dijera cómo criarse mi hijo,” ¡y me colgó!
Estoy muy furiosa, pero no hay nada más que puedo hacer sino esperar hasta que Nacho se gradúe.
I hope this isn't a true story.
I didn't deem this as being a homework assigment, so I gave you more corrections than hints, but if it is homework, please ask questions about the corrections so you can learn why they were made.

You introduced yourself as a female teacher, so I made sure adjectives agreed throughout.

I also offered some possible alternate wording (in purple) where I thought you might have left things out or just didn't say them correctly.
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Old March 17, 2011, 05:17 PM
crainbuilder crainbuilder is offline
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It is homework, but I was supposed to write a story along these lines in present tense... Can that not work for this type of paragraph?

Last edited by crainbuilder; March 17, 2011 at 05:27 PM.
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Old March 17, 2011, 07:12 PM
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Some of it will need reworded, but you can change everything to present tense.
There was a mix of tenses before.

Some of your constructs require a switch from the indicative to the subjunctive mood. Unless you're familiar with that, you should avoid it. Ask questions about the corrections, as you're rewording, so we can help.

Sorry about any confusion I might have caused.
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Old March 17, 2011, 08:25 PM
crainbuilder crainbuilder is offline
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Thanks a lot for your help. I'm taking written proficiency, so I've already learned all of the verb tenses, I just get a little mixed up with exactly when to use which one. I understand why the last sentence should have been gradúe, but I'm wondering why you change
Si no le doy lo que quiere, llore to llora
I thought si clauses, when used in present tense, always used the subjunctive.
If you could help me out again that would be much appreciated!
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Old March 17, 2011, 08:44 PM
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'If' clauses aren't always cast in the subjunctive, and when they are, the verb in the same clause that contains the 'if' is the one that is cast in the subjunctive.

Edit: the present subjunctive is never used in an 'if' clause. When the subjunctive is needed, the imperfect or pluperfect subjunctive will be used, depending on the verb in the 'result' (main) clause. The clauses can be switched around with no change in meaning.

http://www.elearnspanishlanguage.com...siclauses.html
http://www.indiana.edu/~spangram/VERBFORMS/s-i-si.htm
http://users.ipfw.edu/jehle/courses/condic.htm

Last edited by Rusty; March 17, 2011 at 09:24 PM.
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