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Un ensayo: "Una colega y galletas!"

 

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Old May 10, 2010, 08:35 PM
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Arrow Un ensayo: "Una colega y galletas!"

Mi primero ensayo práctica. Tengo que escribir sobre una experiencia personal. (Cuando estoy en Argentina, tengo que escribir sobre una experiencia personal que pasó en Argentina.) Tengo que incluir mi reacción emocional. Tengo que escribir al menos 125 palabras. ¡Las correciones son bienvenidos!

************************************************** *********

Esta mañana tenía un cito con el médico. Era mi examen médico anual. Tomó la mañana libre del trabajo. Generalmente, me despierto acerca de cuatro y media y salgo a la escuela entre las seis y seis y media. Esta mañana, dormí un poco tarde. Me despierto acerca de seis menos cuarto. Me encantaba a dormir un poco tarde.

A las siete, estaba leyendo en la cama cuando sonó el teléfono. Era una de mis colegas. Ella había dormido demasiado tarde y se fue preocupada. Ella me quería tomar su primera clase si era tarde a trabajo. (Generalmente, estoy libre durante el período de la primera clase.) Ella sentía mal sobre llamarme temprano en mi mañana libre. No me importaba. Ya me estaba despertado.

Luego, en la escuela, la vi antes de almorzamos. ¡Ella tenía una tarjeta amable y galletas hechas en casa para mí! Ella es una cocinera buena. ¡Las galletas sabía muy pero muy bien!

Tengo dos colegas jóvenes quien son maestras excelentes y maravillosas personas. Me encanta trabajar con ellas. No es solamente sobre las galletas. Es sobre observar a maestras jóvenes y talentosas quien también son personas buenas.

Las galletas fueron comidas en pocos momentos.....
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  #2  
Old May 10, 2010, 09:16 PM
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AngelicaDeAlquezar AngelicaDeAlquezar is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by laepelba View Post
Mi primer (for euphony reasons, these words lose the last letter when written before the noun) ensayo de práctica. Tengo que escribir sobre una experiencia personal. (Cuando estoy (subjunctive here) en Argentina, tengo (future here) que escribir sobre una experiencia personal que pasó haya pasado en Argentina.) Tengo que incluir mi reacción emocional. Tengo que escribir al menos 125 palabras. ¡Las correciones son bienvenidos (agreement here)!

************************************************** *********

Esta mañana tenía un cito (wrong word) con el médico. Era mi examen médico anual. Tomó (you did, and try a pronominal) la mañana libre del trabajo. Generalmente, me despierto acerca (this is "about" like in "talking about", so wrong word) de (article missing here) cuatro y media y salgo a la escuela entre las seis y (missing article here) seis y media. Esta mañana, dormí un poco tarde (this is for when you go to sleep, not when you're waking up, so "dormí hasta más tarde"). Me despierto (past here) acerca (again) de (missing article here) seis menos cuarto. Me encantaba a (no preposition and you "used to like to" or you like to?) dormir un poco tarde (same as before).

A las siete, estaba leyendo en la cama cuando sonó el teléfono. Era una de mis colegas. Ella había dormido demasiado tarde (again) y se fue preocupada. Ella me quería tomar su primera clase si era tarde a trabajo (very unclear meaning. Re-write this sentence). (Generalmente, estoy libre durante el período de la primera clase.) Ella sentía (pronominal here) mal sobre (wrong preposition; use one to express a cause) llamarme temprano en mi mañana libre. (Try a linking word here) No me importaba (past here). Ya me estaba despertado.

Luego, en la escuela, la vi antes de almorzamos (infinitive here). ¡Ella una (adjective here...) tarjeta amable (...not here) y galletas hechas en casa para mí (not wrong but clumsy: try to avoid "para mí" and use a pronominal for "tener")! Ella es una (adjective here...) cocinera buena (...not here). ¡Las galletas sabía (agreement again) muy pero muy bien!

Tengo dos colegas jóvenes, quien (agreement, it's plural) son maestras excelentes y maravillosas personas. Me encanta trabajar con ellas. No es solamente ("To be about" literally translated feels clumsy. Try "Tratarse de") sobre las galletas. Es sobre (same as before) observar a maestras jóvenes y talentosas, quien (same as before) también son (adjective here...) personas buenas (...not here).

Las galletas fueron comidas en pocos momentos..... (No passive voice, it's very ugly)
Good work! ...some hints given.

Some adjectives are better before the noun to make an emphasis on the characteristic you want to underline.
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Last edited by AngelicaDeAlquezar; May 10, 2010 at 09:19 PM.
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  #3  
Old May 11, 2010, 02:52 AM
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Thanks, Angelica!! I'll do the corrections and post again tonight. In the meantime, I don't know what a "pronomial" is......
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Old May 11, 2010, 06:07 AM
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You do. It's not the first time you've met the word.
A pronominal verb is the one built with a pronoun that agrees with the subject. Do things like "tomarse", "comerse" ring a bell?


Some recommendations:
- Take a look at previous corrections so previous mistakes can be avoided. (It will be also a lot harder for correctors if you repeat mistakes.)
- Dictionary is your friend: Checking your dictionaries should not be neglected "because you don't have time". It's an investment in learning.
It shall help you with grammar categories and to avoid mistakes like "acerca de" with expressions of time. Make an effort to actually check your Spanish-Spanish dictionary to make sure about the word you are going to use.
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Old May 11, 2010, 06:17 AM
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Okay - so the issue is, then, that I don't seem to remember the difference between "pronomial" and "reflexive" - the way you've described it, they seem to be the same thing. What is the difference?

It's difficult to check previous corrections because I have so many !@#$ posts. I can't find what I've been corrected for previously ... and haven't been so wise or so organized as to keep some kind of list in a notebook somewhere.

I definitely checked a dictionary. It took me over an hour and a half to write this essay. I checked and checked and checked. Which things look like I didn't check a dictionary? If you point me out to those words, it will help me figure out how I misused the dictionary. (sigh....)
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Old May 11, 2010, 08:55 AM
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I'll let someone with more technical knowledge to correct this, but a reflexive verb is a particular case of a pronominal verb. Both carry a pronoun, but a reflexive verb expresses an action performed on the same subject.

As for examples on words to look up in the dictionary, a first idea on what pronominal/reflexive verbs are and on the use of some prepositions might be clearer if you check first.

But I didn't assume you didn't dedicate any attention to your writing; I just think some efforts can be focused differently. Take it easy and keep it up, you're doing a real good job!
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Old May 11, 2010, 10:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AngelicaDeAlquezar View Post
I'll let someone with more technical knowledge to correct this, but a reflexive verb is a particular case of a pronominal verb. Both carry a pronoun, but a reflexive verb expresses an action performed on the same subject.

As for examples on words to look up in the dictionary, a first idea on what pronominal/reflexive verbs are and on the use of some prepositions might be clearer if you check first.

But I didn't assume you didn't dedicate any attention to your writing; I just think some efforts can be focused differently. Take it easy and keep it up, you're doing a real good job!
That's a sufficient explanation on reflexive and pronomial. It was the word "pronomial" that I forgot.

I know you weren't implying lack of effort. I'm just surprised that it seemed like I wasn't using a dictionary. Not only did I use a dictionary, but I used MSWord to see what things were "underlined" as grammar/spelling flags and a translating software to see if it came up with something goofy...

Working on the corrections bit by bit......... I'll have it posted again by this evening...... THANK YOU!!
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Old May 11, 2010, 12:55 PM
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I agree with Angelica that a dictionary is your friend, you'll find different meanings of a word and examples that can help you a lot. You're doing well, keep on.
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Old May 11, 2010, 05:17 PM
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Mi primer ensayo de práctica. Tengo que escribir sobre una experiencia personal. (Estoy practicando para un curso que tomaré en Argentina este verano/invierno.) Tengo que incluir mi reacción emocional. Tengo que escribir al menos 125 palabras. ¡Las correcciones son bienvenidas!

Quote:
Esta mañana tenía una cita con el médico. Era mi examen médico anual. Me tomé la mañana libre del trabajo. Generalmente, me despierto como a las cuatro y media y salgo a la escuela entre las seis y las seis y media. Esta mañana, dormí hasta un poco tarde. Me desperté como a las seis menos cuarto. Me encanté dormir hasta un poco tarde.

Como a las siete, estaba leyendo en la cama cuando sonó el teléfono. Era una de mis colegas. Ella había dormido hasta demasiado tarde y se fue preocupada. Ella me preguntó tomar su primera clase si era tarde a trabajo. (Generalmente, estoy libre durante el período de la primera clase.) Ella se sentía mal por llamarme temprano en mi mañana libre. Pues, no me importó. Ya me estaba despertado.

Luego, en la escuela, la vi antes de almorzar. ¡Ella me tenía una amable tarjeta y galletas hechas en casa! Ella es una buena cocinera. ¡Las galletas sabían muy pero muy bien!

Tengo dos colegas jóvenes, quienes son maestras excelentes y maravillosas personas. Me encanta trabajar con ellas. No se trata de las galletas. Se trata de observar a maestras jóvenes y talentosas, quienes también son buenas personas.

Las galletas fueron comidas en pocos momentos.....
• What is the difference between "una cita" and "un cito"?
• With the “encantar”, you said “past here”. Aren´t both preterit AND imperfect considered “past”?
• Again, how do I know that it’s “amable tarjeta” and not “tarjeta amable”? “Buena concinera” and not “cocinera buena”? “Buenas personas” and not “personas buenas”? I simply do not understand when the adjective goes before vs. after the word being modified.
• The last sentence … I was trying to use colorful language there. In English, it would have been somewhat “tongue in cheek” to say that the cookies were gone in only a few moments. If I were to say “Comí las galletas en pocos momentos…” wouldn’t be at all colorful. What would be so?
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Old May 11, 2010, 08:00 PM
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Quote:
Me tomé la mañana libre del trabajo.
Oh sorry. My correction was wrong. You mean you have one morning every week and you took that time for your medical check-up, right?
What I corrected says you took the morning off, but under normal conditions you would have had to work.
"Tomé mi mañana libre del trabajo" is the right expression.


Quote:
Esta mañana, dormí hasta un poco tarde. Me desperté como a las seis menos cuarto. Me encanté dormir hasta un poco tarde.
"Hasta" doesn't let "un poco tarde" sound right (but "hasta muy tarde" sounds good). "Hasta tarde" or "hasta más tarde" (as it had been already suggested) is enough to say you didn't wake up so early.

• With the “encantar”, you said “past here”. Aren´t both preterit AND imperfect considered “past”?
-- No, I didn't. I asked: <<Me encantaba a (no preposition and you "used to like to" or you like to?) dormir un poco tarde (same as before).>>
When assuming you do like waking up late whenever you can, the right conjugation is in present. If you only liked it this morning, then it needs a past, but that's not the right person to conjugate. You don't like yourself, but the fact of waking up late.
Yes, both express past actions, but sorry, I didn't have that much time and I expected "simple past" would be understood.


Quote:
Como a las siete, estaba leyendo en la cama cuando sonó el teléfono. Era una de mis colegas. Ella había dormido hasta demasiado tarde (now too much emphasis here: either "había dormido hasta muy tarde" or "se levantó demasiado tarde") y se fue preocupada. Ella me preguntó ("tomar su primera clase" is a favor, not a question. "Preguntar" is only for questions) tomar su primera clase si era tarde a trabajo (wrong wording. Spanish here needs a verb of movement, very far away from static "to be". Try "llegar al trabajo". Be careful though: you might be confusing "a trabajar" and "al trabajo". The first one is an action, the second one is a place and it needs an article). (Generalmente, estoy libre durante el período de la primera clase.) Ella se sentía mal por llamarme temprano en mi mañana libre. Pues (Wrong linking word. Try the simplest one that expresses the slight contradiction between her calling and the fact that you weren't bothered. "Pues" here sounds unkind, since it suggests that you didn't care at all about her being late for work and her asking you for a favor.), no me importó. Ya me estaba despertado (one more I missed. I think there is some explanation given for a similar sentence you've made before, but since I can't look it up and can't give you a hint, you can choose between two right options: "Ya me había despertado" / "Ya estaba despierta". .

• Again, how do I know that it’s “amable tarjeta” and not “tarjeta amable”? “Buena concinera” and not “cocinera buena”? “Buenas personas” and not “personas buenas”? I simply do not understand when the adjective goes before vs. after the word being modified.
-- Adjectives like "bueno", "nuevo", "grande", etc., tend to take their place before the noun, maybe because they're short and it's more euphonic. And as I said, it's also for reasons of emphasis, because what you want to state clearly is that your colleagues are "good persons", "good cooks", etc.
As for "amable", it could have been placed after the noun, but emphasis is rather set on how kind the card was.
You'll get to know over time, so maybe you just have to get used to being told where adjectives sound better, until you start doing it automatically.


• What is the difference between "una cita" and "un cito"?
-- "Un cito" is not Spanish.


• The last sentence … I was trying to use colorful language there. In English, it would have been somewhat “tongue in cheek” to say that the cookies were gone in only a few moments. If I were to say “Comí las galletas en pocos momentos…” wouldn’t be at all colorful. What would be so?
-- I wonder about color, but "me comí las galletas en un momento" is not a dull sentence at all if that's what worries you. It's correct, it's clear and one knows you did like the cookies.

Quote:
Las galletas fueron comidas en pocos momentos.....

The sentence structure is correct, but for a non-English speaker, the meaning can be unclear. Ugliness is that it's English disguised in Spanish words.
Many times it has been stated in these forums that this sort of passive voice in Spanish rarely sounds right, and we use it much less than English speakers do, whatever colourful it may be.

If you want to make a sentence with the cookies as the subject, try verbs like "desaparecer", "irse", "volar", all of them suggesting they didn't last long. If the subject is you, "color" can be introduced with exaggerated verbs like "devorar", "acabar (con)", "liquidar"...

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