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Is my work correct?

 

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  #1  
Old March 31, 2013, 03:08 PM
Watchthesuncomeup Watchthesuncomeup is offline
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Is my work correct?

Hi guys. Was wondering if I had made any mistakes in my work?

I've checked the tenses etc, mainly the difference between the preterite and imperfect. I could be wrong though.

It's about Andrés Iniesta.

Los cazatalentos divisó Iniesta en el Torneo Nacional Alevín de Fútbol mientras jugaba para Albacete. Sorprendentemente, él siempre quiso unirse a Real Madrid como un muchacho joven. Sin embargo sus padres creían que Madrid era un ambiente inseguro para su hijo. Por lo tanto se unió a Barcelona a la edad de doce años. Él era muy tímido como un joven pero él impresionó a mucha gente con su habilidad futbolística.
Después de ver Iniesta jugar, Pep Guardiola le dijo a su compañero de equipo Xavi:
“Tú me vas a enviar al retiro. Este chico nos va a retirar a todos”

Iniesta jugó su primer partido de Barcelona en 2002. Desde entonces se ha convertido en un jugador clave para Barcelona y uno de los mejores jugadores del mundo. Desde 2002, ha mejorado cada temporada. Sus impresionantes actuaciones le han ganado ovaciones de los aficionados rivales y en 2008 fue adjudicado un nuevo contrato. Manifestó su deseo de retirarse en Barcelona. En la Copa del Mundo de 2008, fue nombrado el equipo del torneo. Él contribuyó muchos pases claves y fue una vez más uno de los mejores jugadores de España. Quizás su momento más famoso fue en 2009 cuando marcó un gol en la semi-final contra Chelsea. Marcó un gol en el último minuto para poner Barcelona en la final de la Liga de Campeones.


Many thanks!
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  #2  
Old April 01, 2013, 03:40 PM
Queli Queli is offline
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Most of it seems absolutely correct--good job! However, using the general rule of imperfect for an ongoing state or one without beginning or end and the preterite for an event in the past linked to a specific duration of time, I suggest rethinking these two:

él siempre quiso unirse a Real Madrid como un muchacho joven

Manifestó su deseo de retirarse en Barcelona

The second may be correct as is but it depends on the meaning (and I think the meaning you convey with the preterite is not what you really mean).
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  #3  
Old April 02, 2013, 02:28 PM
Watchthesuncomeup Watchthesuncomeup is offline
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él siempre quería unirse a Real Madrid como un muchacho joven.

Cheers for spotting that, isn't that second sentence correct though?

Were there any other mistakes in my work? Or does it all make sense?

Many thanks for your time.
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  #4  
Old April 02, 2013, 02:37 PM
Queli Queli is offline
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Here is what I thought about meanings--

Manifestaba su deseo de retirarse en Barcelona: He expressed over a period of time (came to feel and express) his desire.

Manifestó su deseo de retirarse en Barcelona: He expressed in a specific time or times (for example, in an interview or on various specific occasions that you are letting the reader know about) his desire.

It definitely could be the second depending on context but I thought it might be the first--depends on what you want to say.
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  #5  
Old April 03, 2013, 07:59 AM
Watchthesuncomeup Watchthesuncomeup is offline
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Oh Ok, yeah see what you mean now.

Thanks a lot.
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