Review por favor?

[Nicolev]

If someone could please look this over and edit it I would be forever grateful! Gracias!

De niña, yo estaba energética y feliz. Yo hacia gimnasia mas de veinte horas una semana. Mi amiga mejor llamaba Cilia. Su padres poseían equitación granja. Cilia y yo montabas a caballo , y una día yo me caí de un caballo! Yo perdí mi equilibrio y hacia un voltereta sobre la cabeza de caballo. De niña, yo quería una convertible rojo. Me gustaba pasas, la computadora, y helado. Una de las cosas mas memorables que han ocurrido hubo durante mi fiesta de cumpleaños noveno. Hubo un payaso quien entretenía nosotros. El cambo un pez en a magdalena. Como la chica del cumpleaños, yo estaba encantado recibir la pez magdelena. Yo comí unos bocados y entonces yo perdí la magdalena! Yo estaba devastada y a este día, yo nunca encontraba la magdalena.

[Rusty]

Originally Posted by Nicolev

De niña, yo estaba energética y feliz.
Yo hacia gimnasia mas de veinte horas una semana.
Mi amiga mejor () llamaba Cilia.
Su() padres poseían equitación granja.
Cilia y yo montabas a caballo , y una día ()yo me caí de un caballo!
(Yo) perdí mi equilibrio y hacia un voltereta sobre la cabeza de caballo.
De niña, yo quería una convertible rojo.
Me gustaba() () pasas, la computadora, y () helado.
Una de las cosas mas memorables que han ocurrido hubo durante mi fiesta de cumpleaños noveno.
Hubo un payaso quien entretenía nosotros.
El cambo un pez en a magdalena.
Como la chica del cumpleaños, yo estaba encantado () recibir la pez magdelena.
(Yo) comí unos bocados y entonces ()(yo) perdí la magdalena!
Yo estaba devastada y a este día, (yo) nunca encontraba la magdalena.

Welcome to the forums!
I moved your thread to the Practice & Homework forum so that members will mark what needs fixed and sometimes give hints as to how you can fix the mistakes in your paragraph.

I've marked several things that need fixed, but haven't explained why. Nor have I marked everything that could be changed.

Post the corrections for each sentence, or ask questions about why something is marked before you post the sentences again.

Some of the problems have to do with not using an accent mark. Words aren't spelled correctly if they should have an accent mark and don't. There is an 'Accents' drop-down menu above where you type that you can use to insert these and the inverted exclamation point. That explains why some words have () prefixed to them.
Where () appears in between words, this means that a word is missing.

[Nicolev]

Sorry, I was unaware that there was such a thread.

The highlighting what was incorrect was very helpful and I think I was able to fix the majority of it, though I am not sure if I correctly altered this line: "Una de las cosas más memorables que ocurrido a mí fue durante mi fiesta de cumpleaños noveno." and I cannot figure out what is wrong with the 2 "Hubo"s.

Thank you so much!

[Rusty]

Originally Posted by Nicolev

Sorry, I was unaware that there was such a thread.

The highlighting what was incorrect was very helpful and I think I was able to fix the majority of it, though I am not sure if I correctly altered this line: "Una de las cosas más memorables que ocurrido a mí fue durante mi fiesta de cumpleaños noveno." and I cannot figure out what is wrong with the 2 "Hubo"s.

Thank you so much!

... que ocurrido a mí ...
There's no verb here. Switch the past participle 'ocurrido' to a verb conjugated in the preterit tense. It would sound better if you included an indirect object pronoun and remove the indirect object. Indirect objects precede a verb conjugated in the preterit tense.
The first 'hubo' you corrected to 'fue', which is correct.
The second one, at the start of the clown line, means 'there was', of course. However, since you're relating some details about the clown, you should switch the tense to the imperfect.
Remember, in the indicative tenses object pronouns precede the conjugated verb. That's what's wrong with the end of the clown sentence.

Did you have other questions, like how to say 'to this day', or did you figure all of it out?