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Can someone please correct my short presentation?

 

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  #1  
Old January 12, 2009, 07:19 AM
serendipity serendipity is offline
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Can someone please correct my short presentation?

We have to make a presentation about our house/apartment and read it aloud in two days.. Please correct me =) And if you have any ideas on how to make the text better without changing it too much, that would be great as well! Please keep in mind that I chose simple words on purpose because I'm not very good at reading spanish I feel like it's wayyyy too short, but I don't know how to make it longer? Describing your house/apartment is harder than it seems xD

Yo vivo con mi padre en un apartamento en ******. Mi apartamento no es muy grande, hay trés dormitorios, una cocina con dos frigorificos, dos baños, un comedor y un salón.
Mi habitación es muy grande, las paredes son blancas. En mi habitación hay una ventana con cortinas rojos, una cama, un sofá, una estanterio de libros y cuatro armarios de ropas y calzados.
Mi salón es mi habitación favorito en mi apartamento y es muy placentero. Cuando estoy en el salón no suelo ver la televisión, pero suelo estar con mi portafil surfeando la net.
Me gusta mucho mi apartamento, pero no estoy mucho en él.
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  #2  
Old January 12, 2009, 09:01 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by serendipity View Post
(Yo) vivo con mi padre en un apartamento en ******. Mi apartamento no es muy grande. Hay tres dormitorios, una cocina con dos neveras/refrigeradores/frigoríficos, dos baños, un comedor y un salón.
Mi dormitorio es muy grande. Las paredes son blancas. En mi dormitorio hay una ventana con cortinas rojas, una cama, un sofá, una repisa y cuatro armarios de ropas y calzados.
El salón es mi habitación favorita de mi apartamento y es muy placentera. Cuando estoy en el salón no suelo ver la televisión, pero suelo estar con mi portátil navegando la red/surfeando la net.
Me gusta mucho mi apartamento, pero no estoy mucho en él.
Suggestions above.

Last edited by Rusty; January 12, 2009 at 02:17 PM.
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  #3  
Old January 12, 2009, 12:46 PM
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The Rusty's correction is accurate.
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Old January 12, 2009, 02:22 PM
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The Rusty's correction is accurate.
you don't need the "the" otherwise good job!
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Old January 12, 2009, 02:51 PM
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We usually write corrections, so the sentence should be:
Rusty's corrections are accurate.
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  #6  
Old January 12, 2009, 03:11 PM
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Thank you.
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  #7  
Old January 13, 2009, 12:48 AM
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You can make it bigger talking about your house's location
"Mi apartamento están el barrio XXXX, en la calle XXXX"
"Es un quinto piso, con ascensor" or
"Es un quinto piso y no tiene ascensor"
"El edificio es viejo, tendrá ya unos 20 años".
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Old January 13, 2009, 06:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rusty View Post
We usually write corrections, so the sentence should be:
Rusty's corrections are accurate.
right, I forgot that.
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Old January 13, 2009, 07:33 AM
serendipity serendipity is offline
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thanks so much!!!!
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  #10  
Old January 13, 2009, 09:22 AM
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Sosia, you are talking about of as gives address to a person, for example, I will give you my address (it's lie), I live the street 58 # 234 R, Col. Renovación III on, I leave me telling you that the street Renovación it's bigger Carmen City on.
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