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I'm Sorry I lookedThis is the place for questions about conjugations, verb tenses, adverbs, adjectives, word order, syntax and other grammar questions for English or Spanish. |
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#1
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I'm Sorry I looked
In trying to accurately translate the title of a poem of mine from English to Spanish I have several choices
* pregunta uno mirar / to look translates as to watch. To watch and to look are not the same thing in English. In English my line is I'm Sorry I looked. Which of these would be the most accurate idiomatically to portray the glance or the look. lo siento que miré lo siento miré lo siento que miraba lo siento miraba or is there something better? the translator gives me apesadumbrado miraba / grieved I watched * pregunta dos. my poetry line says noté tu piel cremosa, / I noticed your creamy (meaning light) skin I need some native input on this one more than just grammar how proper/improper idiomatically would be complexion vs. skin given that it is meant as a compliment ? noté tu piel cremosa, vs. noté tu tez cremosa, or is there a better way to say this. claro, blanca, ? |
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#2
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I think I can help with the first, but, as you said, a native speaker would answer that question better.
I wish I could see what was around the phrase (before and after). What did you look at? If you're trying for a quick glance, that's una mirada. I would also retain the que and use preterite, because a glance in and of itself is not something that is sustained. It's a quick action. Lo siento que miré. If you're taking a look at something, that's echar una mirada a ... Disculpame por echar(te) una mirada (if were talking about a person.) |
#3
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first:
Felipe it's always accurate The explanation is good Discúlpame por mirarte Discúlpame por observarte Discúlpame por echarte una mirada Siento haberte mirado Siento haberte observado Discúlpame si te he mirado, pero ...... other options (different than sorry) lamento haberte visto lamento haberte mirado second noté tu piel cremosa <- It's OK, but cremosa its not a normal atribute of skin. You can say "piel cremosa", but refering to the texture of the skin, not the color other options noté tu piel clara noté tu piel brillante noté tu piel luminosa noté tu blanca piel or me fijé en tu piel clara ... ... or observé tu piel clara .... .... or miré tu piel clara ... Hope it helps |
#4
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thank you all again
I can see this kind of input is exactly what I needed. I am especially interested in how it might sound vos alta en Español since it is meant to be poetry. lamento (now why didn't I think of that?) it says moan but that may just a quirk of the translator. lamento haber mirada / I lament to have looked. also haber is a good verb for this but my translator doesnt like haberte it will read habérse as to have Ok here is the complete poem (don't laugh at my Spanish ok) any other input on the other lines will be appreciated as well. lo siento que miré / sorry (that) i looked La primera vez que te vio / the first time that I saw you; quizás la vestido rojas muy pequeño ; / perhaps the very small red dress ¡qué sonrisa!/ that smile; noté tu piel cremosa, / I noticed your creamy skin; eso acentúa los ojos oscuros, / that accentuates those dark eyes, y el cabello negro largo; / and long black hair; Y tú, tú eras esbelta y más alto / and you, you were thin and more tall; más que pensé; / more than I thought; así que muy bonita también; / so very pretty too; ¡yo miraba! / i looked; no podría ayudarme; / i could not help myself; no, miré fijamente; / no, i stared; estoy apesadumbrado / i am sorry (grieved) para ese momento corto / for that short moment que duró demasiado / that lasted for too much traicionó mi deseo secreto; / it betrayed my secret wish; acabo antes de que comenzara; / finished before it began; |
#5
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thank you sosia,
but you didn't mention anything of the difference using tez vs. piel ? any thoughts on that? |
#6
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I'm not native, but I'll offer an opinion anyway
piel would be skin, and tez is more like complexion. piel blanca would probably be the most common way of saying it, which is not necessarily what you want for poetry. You might try "piel blanca como la crema", but that changes it from a metaphor to a simile.
__________________
If you find something wrong with my Spanish, please correct it! |
#7
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Then how about using both:
Observé su piel blanca como la tez de crema que acentúa los ojos oscuros y el cabello negro largo |
#8
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It's always very difficult to translate poetry.
A poet can change words, sentence order an things like that. But I find your spanish poem good and very accurate. I give you a small translation 1) You can use "resbalé" "slipped" to indicate the creamy skin, but it's difficult to place "that smile". And "the very small red dress" is "el muy pequeño vestido rojo". It's very long. It's easy to say small dress or red dress, but both it's difficult. lamento haber mirada / I lament to have looked. La primera vez que te vio / the first time that I saw you; quizás la vestido rojas muy pequeño ; / perhaps the very small red dress ¡qué sonrisa!/ that smile; noté tu piel cremosa, / I noticed your creamy skin; eso acentúa los ojos oscuros, / that accentuates those dark eyes, y el cabello negro largo; / and long black hair; Lamento mi mirada cuando te ví por vez primera. sería esa sonrisa en tu vestidito rojo Resbalé en tu piel clara que marcaba tus negros ojos y tu melena oscura. 2) the other are more or less easy, because your translation was good Y tú, tú eras esbelta y más alto / and you, you were thin and more tall; más que pensé; / more than I thought; así que muy bonita también; / so very pretty too; Y tú, tú eras esbelta, más alta de lo que esperaba no podías ser más bonita ¡yo miraba! / i looked; no podría ayudarme; / i could not help myself; no, miré fijamente; / no, i stared; ¡Te miraba! No podía evitarlo fijamente te observaba estoy apesadumbrado / i am sorry (grieved) para ese momento corto / for that short moment que duró demasiado / that lasted for too much traicionó mi deseo secreto; / it betrayed my secret wish; acabo antes de que comenzara; / finished before it began; Estoy apesadumbrado other option Estoy tocado por ese corto momento que duró demasido traicionó mi secreto deseo sin comenzar acabado. it's your's a little rearranged Hope it helps Last edited by sosia; May 08, 2007 at 02:52 AM. |
#9
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muy bueno, Gracias. mí gusta.
Someday maybe I will be able to write like that in Español --- but for now I will put you down as my co-author. lol |
#10
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Great job to the both of you, I think you're both natural poets.
__________________
If you find something wrong with my Spanish, please correct it! |
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