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Need Help Proofreading a Song

 

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  #1  
Old October 05, 2009, 10:21 PM
notoman notoman is offline
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Need Help Proofreading a Song

I had to write a song for Spanish homework. I know that it is cheesy, but I would appreciate comments/corrections anyway.

Thanks!

Soy joven y tímido pero
Me gusta tocar la guitarra
Y quiero tocar en frente de
Milliones de gente.
Milliones de gente
Estan gritando
Mi nombre a gritos

Toco la guitarra pero
No canto, no canto
No puedo cantar
Mi voz es como
Uñas en la pizarra
Y nadie quiere
Eschuchar ese

Hay mucho dinero
Y glamour en la música rock
Quiero la vida
Queiro la vida
Del músico
Queiro estar en el escenario
Con las lasars y el humo

Soy joven y mi vida
Es una hoja de papel en blanco
Mi historia escribir es mío
Tengo el bolígrafo
Tengo el bolígrafo
Escribir mi futuro
Con mi música

No podemos predecir el futuro
Uno nunca sabe
Pero podemos trabajar
Para sueños nuestros
Soy soñador
Soy soñador
Y es el único sueño que tengo

La gente dice
No se puede subir
Siempre hago lo contrario
De lo que le dicen
Los opinions no importa a mi
No importa a mi
Soy trabajador

Me gusta tocar la guitarra
Toda el día y la noche
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  #2  
Old October 06, 2009, 12:56 AM
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sosia sosia is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by notoman View Post
I had to write a song for Spanish homework. I know that it is cheesy, but I would appreciate comments/corrections anyway.

Thanks!

Soy joven y tímido pero
me gusta tocar la guitarra
Y quiero tocar frente a
milliones de gente.
milliones de gente
que estan diciendo
mi nombre a gritos (you say "gritar" and then "a gritos", sounds odd)


Toco la guitarra pero
no canto, no canto
no puedo cantar
mi voz es como
uñas rascando la pizarra
Y nadie quiere
eschuchar eso

Hay mucho dinero
Y glamour en la música rock
Quiero la vida
Quiero la vida
Del músico
Quiero estar en el escenario
Con los lasers y el humo

Soy joven y mi vida
es una hoja de papel en blanco
Yo escribo mi historia
Tengo un bolígrafo
Tengo un bolígrafo
Escribir mi futuro
Con mi música

No podemos predecir el futuro
Uno nunca sabe
Pero podemos trabajar
por nuestros sueños
Soy soñador
Soy soñador
Y es el único sueño que tengo

La gente dice
No se puede subir
Siempre hago lo contrario
De lo que me dicen
Las opiniones no me importan
No me importan
Soy trabajador (better soy constante)

Me gusta tocar la guitarra
Todo el día y la noche
saludos
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  #3  
Old October 09, 2009, 02:54 PM
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Tomisimo Tomisimo is offline
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I agree with Sosia's corrections. Good job! Now sing it for us.
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  #4  
Old October 09, 2009, 06:56 PM
notoman notoman is offline
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¡Muchas gracias por la ayuda!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tomisimo View Post
I agree with Sosia's corrections. Good job! Now sing it for us.
Pero ... pero ... no puedo cantar. I could play it for you on my guitar though. I am trying to talk one of my classmates into signing it.

Thanks again!
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  #5  
Old October 09, 2009, 08:45 PM
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ookami ookami is offline
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¿No sería "frente a millones de personas" ? gente ya es plural, nunca escuche reiterar el plural. Es como decir "millions of peoples". Yo ahí diría "muchisima gente; mucha gente"
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  #6  
Old October 09, 2009, 10:48 PM
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CrOtALiTo CrOtALiTo is offline
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Your song is nice and well just you've a great imagination.

I liked your song.

Congratulation.
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