Grammar check

[Julie]

Hi again,
As long as I'm here, I might as well ask, since you guys are all so knowledgable. This is a little personal, but I'd like to know if my grammar is correct in this; I think I've made some mistakes:

Cuando nuestro muere el amor

yo lo se

yo me muero también

esto, yo le aseguro es verdad

yo no veo futuro

en una vida sin ti


Thanks, Julie

[WMX]

Is that a poem you wrote? Nice. The only part I'm not sure about is the first line- the order of the words.

[Rusty]

I'm guessing that the first line is supposed to be 'When our love dies'. In that case, it should be 'Cuando nos muere el amor'. Since the subjunctive tense isn't used, you are implying something you think will happen. If you wish to show some doubt, switch to the subjunctive 'muera'. Then you'd be saying the equivalent of 'If our love were to die'.

The second line looks like it belongs with the third, and that you wanted to say 'I know I'll die too'. In that case, 'Yo lo sé' should be 'Yo sé', or just 'Sé', followed by 'que', and then finish with 'yo me muero también'.

In the fourth line, you've switched persons in the indirect object pronoun. It should be 'Esto, te aseguro, es verdad'. Note the additional punctuation.

In the last stanza, use 'sin tí' instead of 'sin ti'.

Nice poem!

[sosia]

Originally Posted by Julie

Hi again,
As long as I'm here, I might as well ask, since you guys are all so knowledgable. This is a little personal, but I'd like to know if my grammar is correct in this; I think I've made some mistakes:

Cuando nuestro muere el amor

yo lo se

yo me muero también

esto, yo le aseguro es verdad

yo no veo futuro

en una vida sin ti


Thanks, Julie

Poems allow lots of things, but Rusty and WMX are right.
I agree with the changes in:
Cuando nuestro muere el amor to cuando nuestro amor muere/ cuando muere nuestro amor/ cuando muera nuestro amor/..... and esto, yo te aseguro es verdad and sin tí
but the "yo lo se" it's allowed

It's better to write an english version in order to fully understand it. A good poem