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Spanish guión in need of revision!

 

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  #1  
Old January 19, 2012, 11:31 PM
espongefry espongefry is offline
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Spanish guión in need of revision!

Just typed up a script for a little skit in my spanish class. Would love if someone could revise it for grammar. ---Dont mind the names (Juan Jones Hijo/ Papá Juan Jones).


Hijo-Hola, Papá Juan Jones… ¿es posible que pueda ir al concierto de LMFAO este noche?

Papá-Sí, ¿por que no? Vale la pena que tengas un buen tiempo Juan Jones
Hijo.

Hijo-Espera espera espera, ¿qué dijiste?

Papá-Que es la problema?

Hijo-Estoy un poco preocupado. Tu nunca dices 'sí' a cosas, ¡ NUNCA! Dudo que estes deciendo la verdad.

Papá-Pues, estoy seguro que estes suficientemente maduro y puedes ir solo
al concierto. Mereces esto, Juan Jones Hijo.

Hijo-Ok, no voy a discutir contigo. Voy a confiar en ti. Ojalá que no estes bromeando.

Papá- Ojalá que tu no me decepciones.

Hijo- ¡Te amo Papá Juan Jones!

Papá- ¡Te amo, Juan Jones Hijo!
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  #2  
Old January 20, 2012, 01:15 AM
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Rusty Rusty is online now
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Welcome to the forums!

I moved your homework to the 'Practice & Homework' forum. In this forum, members will offer help, but will not just give you the answers.

Below, I've marked the things that need to be fixed (ignoring the names) and gave hints as to what is wrong.

There's an 'Accents' drop-down menu just above where you typed your text. Use it to insert all the special characters you'll need to type in Spanish.

Quote:
Originally Posted by espongefry View Post
Just typed up a script for a little skit in my Spanish class. Would love it if someone could revise it for grammar. ---Don't mind the names (Juan Jones Hijo/ Papá Juan Jones).


Hijo- Hola, Papá Juan Jones¿es posible que pueda (too verbose - just say 'Can I') ir al concierto de LMFAO este (watch agreement) noche?

Papá- Sí, ¿por que no? Vale la pena que tengas un buen tiempo (use another phrase - this isn't good Spanish) Juan Jones Hijo.

Hijo- Espera, espera, espera. ¿qué dijiste?

Papá- (missing interrogation opening mark)Que (wrong word, and make sure the correct one is properly accented, since it's an interrogative) es la (watch agreement) problema?

Hijo- Estoy un poco preocupado. Tu (not needed, since the verb ending conveys the person - if used for emphasis, it needs an accent mark) nunca dices (missing a conjunction) 'sí' a cosas. (first word doesn't need enclosed in single quotes - omit the other two) ¡NUNCA! Dudo que estes deciendo la verdad.

Papá- Pues, estoy seguro (missing a preposition) que estes (wrong mood, and missing an accent mark) suficientemente maduro y (missing a conjunction) puedes ir solo al concierto. Mereces esto, Juan Jones Hijo.

Hijo- Ok, no voy a discutir contigo. Voy a confiar en ti. Ojalá que no estes bromeando.

Papá- Ojalá que tu (not needed, since the verb ending conveys the person - if used for emphasis, it needs an accent mark) no me decepciones.

Hijo- ¡Te amo Papá Juan Jones!

Papá- ¡Te amo, Juan Jones Hijo!

Last edited by Rusty; January 20, 2012 at 01:23 AM.
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  #3  
Old January 20, 2012, 02:13 AM
espongefry espongefry is offline
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Wow! ¡Muchas gracias! helped me a lot
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  #4  
Old January 20, 2012, 10:53 AM
jrivera jrivera is offline
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"Papá Juan Jones" sounds quite weird in Spanish. I would say only "Dad" (Papá or Padre - more formal).

And at the end, when they declare love to each other: we use tu reserve "te amo" when it's about romatic love (it's a quite poetic). Usually we use "te quiero".

Everything else I agree with Rusty. But he misses something here:

"Mereces esto, Juan Jones Hijo." It would be: "Te lo mereces, Juan Jones Hijo"
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