One more English essay

[jrivera]

Do you think that television programs, movies and video games influence young people’s behavior?

I do agree with the opinion that movies and television influence the public believes and behavior, particularly in the case of youg people. In many ways, movies presents a particular point of view of how we have to live. For example, in many movies the main character has to solve a life problem, and through his story the plot tells us what are the good actitude which lead to a positive outcome, and also what are bad choices in live. Every movie tells a story, and every story carries a moral message; so in an unconscious level we are "learning" ways to understand and deal with reality.
What happens then with violent movies? Many people may think that the theory I have just explained cannot be true because if it were, young people consuming violent movies would be all criminals. Fortunately most of the people are able to filter this violence and do not show a violent behavior. However, in an unconscious level, violent movies shows us that what matters is to be strong and brave, which actually is a moral message.
Video games are even more influential than movies because the player participates directly in the development of the plot. Sometimes this plots can be very violent and they can also propouse inmoral behaviors, what is even worse. For instance, I remember reading about a video game in which the player was a inquisition oficial and his duty was to torture prisioners. Not all the games are as twisted as this one, but they are usually very violent. As I said before, most of the people do not reproduce these violent behaviors, but from time to time we find out in the news about a young student who shoot their classmates...
For all these reasons, I think we should support movies and television programs which carry good positive messages.

[Rusty]

Do you think that television programs, movies and video games influence young people’s behavior?

I do agree with the opinion that movies and television influence the (omit) public believes (spelling) and behavior, particularly in the case of young people. In many ways, movies presents (watch agreement) a particular point of view of/about how we have to live. For example, in many movies the main character has to solve a life problem, and through his story the plot tells us what are the good actitude (spelling and watch agreement) which lead to a positive outcome, and also what are (missing an article) bad choices in live (spelling). Every movie tells a story, and every story carries a moral message; so in an unconscious (wrong word) level we are "learning" ways to understand and deal with reality.
What happens then with violent movies? Many people may think that the theory I have just explained cannot be true because if it were, young people consuming (wrong word) violent movies would be all (switch these) criminals. Fortunately, most of the people are able to filter ('filter out' is better) this violence and do not exhibit a violent behavior. However, in an unconscious (wrong word) level, violent movies shows (watch agreement) us that what matters is to be strong and brave, which actually is (switch these) a moral message.
Video games are even more influential than movies because the player participates directly in the development of the plot. Sometimes this (agreement) plots can be very violent and they can also propouse inmoral (spelling and there's a better first word) behaviors, what (wrong word) is even worse. For instance, I remember reading about a video game in which the player was a (spelling) inquisition oficial (spelling) and his duty was to torture prisioners (spelling). Not all the games are as twisted as this one, but they are usually very violent. As I said before, most of the people do not reproduce (wrong word) these violent behaviors, but from time to time we find out in the news about a young student who shoot (watch agreement) their classmates...
For all these reasons, I think we should support movies and television programs which carry good, positive messages.Corrections and hints given above.

[jrivera]

Thank you Rusty!!
I wrote in capital letters what would be the correct answer. However, I have some doubts:

- "Movies" is plural, Why do you use "movies presents"?
- Would you say inconscious or non-consious instead of unconsious?




I do agree with the opinion that movies and television influence public BELIEFS believes (spelling) and behavior, particularly in the case of young people.

In many ways, movies presents (watch agreement) a particular point of view of/about how we have to live. (BUT: movies is the subject and it's plural...)

For example, in many movies the main character has to solve a life problem, and through his story the plot tells us what are the good ATTITUDES ctitude (spelling and watch agreement) which lead to a positive outcome, and also what are (missing an article) THE bad choices in LIFE live (spelling). Every movie tells a story, and every story carries a moral message; so in an unconscious ¿INCONSCIOUS? ¿NON-CONSCIOUS? (wrong word) level we are "learning" ways to understand and deal with reality.
What happens then with violent movies? Many people may think that the theory I have just explained cannot be true because if it were, young people consuming (wrong word) WHO CONSUME violent movies would be all (switch these) ALL BE criminals. Fortunately, most of the people are able to filter OUT ('filter out' is better) this violence and do not exhibit (OK, NICE WORD) a violent behavior. However, in an unconscious INCONSCIOUS (wrong word) level, violent movies shows (watch agreement) (¿WHY?) us that what matters is to be strong and brave, which actually is (switch these) IS ACTUALLY a moral message.
Video games are even more influential than movies because the player participates directly in the development of the plot. Sometimes this (agreement) THESE plots can be very violent and they can also propouse inmoral TEACH UNMORAL (spelling and there's a better first word) behaviors, what (wrong word) WHICH is even worse. For instance, I remember reading about a video game in which the player was aN (spelling) inquisition oFficial (spelling) and his duty was to torture prisioners PRISONERS (spelling). Not all the games are as twisted as this one, but they are usually very violent. As I said before, most of the people do not reproduce ¿EXHIBIT? (wrong word) these violent behaviors, but from time to time we find out in the news about a young student who shootS (watch agreement) their classmates...
For all these reasons, I think we should support movies and television programs which carry good, positive messages.

[Rusty]

Thank you Rusty!! :thumbsup:
I wrote in capital letters what would be the correct answer. However, I have some doubts:

- "Movies" is plural, Why do you use "movies presents"? I don't. The 's' on the end was marked as incorrect.
- Would you say inconscious or non-consious instead of unconsious? 'Unconscious' is correct, but it isn't the word you should be using in your essay. Think about a word that means 'below the level of consciousness'.

I do agree with the opinion that movies and television influence public BELIEFS and behavior, particularly in the case of youNg people.

In many ways, movies presents (watch agreement) a particular point of view of/about how we have to live. (BUT: movies is the subject and it's plural. It needs a plural ending, then.)

For example, in many movies the main character has to solve a life problem, and through his story the plot tells us what are the good ATTITUDES which lead to a positive outcome, and also what are THE bad choices in LIFE. Every movie tells a story, and every story carries a moral message; so in an unconscious ¿INCONSCIOUS? ¿NON-CONSCIOUS? (nope and nope) level we are "learning" ways to understand and deal with reality.
What happens then with violent movies? Many people may think that the theory I have just explained cannot be true because if it were, young people WHO CONSUME (we don't consume movies) violent movies would ALL BE criminals. Fortunately, most of the people are able to filter OUT this violence and do not exhibit a violent behavior. However, in an unconscious INCONSCIOUS (nope) level, violent movies shows (watch agreement) (¿WHY? Movies is plural, so the verb needs to agree - I marked the 's' because it's wrong) us that what matters is to be strong and brave, which IS ACTUALLY a moral message.
Video games are even more influential than movies because the player participates directly in the development of the plot. Sometimes THESE plots can be very violent and they can also TEACH UNMORAL (spelling) behaviors, WHICH is even worse. For instance, I remember reading about a video game in which the player was AN inquisition oFficialand his duty was to torture PRISONERS. Not all the games are as twisted as this one, but they are usually very violent. As I said before, most of the people do not EXHIBIT these violent behaviors, but from time to time we find out in the news about a young student who shootStheir classmates...
For all these reasons, I think we should support movies and television programs which carry good, positive messages.
Mostly good changes. :thumbsup: I gave you some more hints.