Alex
October 19, 2010, 09:57 AM
This is sooooo funny, hope you like it :)
Paraprosdokian sentences: A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect.
· I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
· Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
· I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
· The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
· Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
· If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
· We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
· War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.
· Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
· The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
· Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
· To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
· A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station.
· How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
· Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
· Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
· I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.
· A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
· Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR."
· I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
· Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
· Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
· Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?
· Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
· A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
· You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
· The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
· Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
· A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
· Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
· Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
· I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
· Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
· I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
· I always take life with a grain of salt... plus a slice of lemon...and a shot of tequila.
· When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
· You're never too old to learn something stupid.
· To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
· A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
· If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
· Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Paraprosdokian sentences: A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect.
· I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
· Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
· I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
· The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
· Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
· If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
· We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
· War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.
· Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
· The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
· Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
· To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
· A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station.
· How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
· Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
· Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
· I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.
· A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
· Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR."
· I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
· Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
· Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
· Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?
· Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
· A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
· You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
· The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
· Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
· A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
· Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
· Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
· I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
· Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
· I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
· I always take life with a grain of salt... plus a slice of lemon...and a shot of tequila.
· When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
· You're never too old to learn something stupid.
· To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
· A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
· If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
· Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.