Hilo de Chistes / Joke Thread

[Glen]

A pleasure. As a punster from way back I'd like to hear more puns in Spanish as well.

[Glen]

Think: what you do when you can't thwim

[Glen]

I'd like to hear your opinion of my painting.
It's worthless.
I know it is but I'd still like to hear it.

[JPablo]

Do we have this one?

7 days without a pun makes one weak

[Glen]

What's scary, wears cowboy boots and likes country music?

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The Phantom of the Grand Ole Opry

[AngelicaDeAlquezar]

@Glen:


Hijo, te tengo una adivinanza: ¿Qué tiene cuatro patas, ladra, lo acabo de atropellar y no llores, luego te compro otro?

[JPablo]

¡Uff... ...tá difícil!


Te doy otro:

¿Quién es el campeón de buceo japonés?


R: Tokofondo.


¿Y el subcampeón?


R: Kasitoko.

[Rusty]

[JPablo]

Gracias, Rusty... ;-)

Y otro:

-- Me han contratado como profesor de inglés.

-- ¿Trabajo estable?

-- No, mesa es "table". Trabajo es "work".

Otro:

¿Qué hace una rata con una metralleta?

Ratatatatatatatá

Y uno "arhentino":

"Triste es amar y no ser amado
pero más triste es estar a dieta
en medio de un asado".

Saludos


¡¡Menudo HIJO DE P*TA MI VECINO!!

¿PUES NO SE PONE A APORREAR LA PUERTA COMO UN LOCO A LAS CUATRO DE LA MAÑANA?

¡¡POR POCO SE ME CAE EL TALADRO DEL SUSTO!!

[aleCcowaN]

-Un chistonto que encontré hoy-

En una tienda de videos:

-¿Tiene la película "Tu c**o está estacionado"?
- Hmm ... no la encuentro en nuestra base de datos ¿Cuál es el título en inglés?
- "Yourassis Park"

[Glen]

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?

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Because when he asked them who is the greatest composer of all, they said "Bach, Bach, Bach."

[JPablo]

¡Bueeenna, Glen!

¿Por qué sabemos que Jesucristo era vasco?

Por es Dios y Hombre a la vez... (alavés).

[AngelicaDeAlquezar]

I have just found this:

"Soy sauce is telling you what it is in Spanish.
...whereas soy milk is actually lying to you."

[Glen]

Viewers of the solar eclipse should heed the adage to not look at the sun through a colander, because you could strain your eyes.

[Rusty]

[luis magistrado]

Si cavo un agujero el que es tres metros por dos metros por tres y medio metros ¿cuánto tierra es dentro de él?
If I dig a hole which is 3 meters by 2 meters by three and a half meters how much dirt is in it?

I don't think agujero is the best word for a hole in the ground.
I would use hueco, zanja, foso, hoyo.
Others may correct me, but I'm almost sure that an agujero is a pin hole.
Cavo is first person singular indicative. "Cave" shold be used because from what i understand it is the subjunctive mood of cavar. Please correct me if im wrong, im still learning spanish grammar. and subjunctive mood confuses me.

[Rusty]

Originally Posted by luis magistrado

I don't think agujero is the best word for a hole in the ground.
I would use hueco, zanja, foso, hoyo.
Others may correct me, but I'm almost sure that an agujero is a pinhole.
Cavo is first person singular indicative. "Cave" should be used because from what I understand it is the subjunctive mood of cavar. Please correct me if I'm wrong. I'm still learning Spanish grammar, and the subjunctive mood confuses me.

'Agujero' and 'hoyo' are interchangeable words for a hole in the ground. A pinhole is 'agujerito' (diminutive used to describe the tiny hole, as if it were made by a pin).
Using the present indicative 'cavo' is correct. Since the action is in the present, it's a likely (possible) situation, so the subjunctive isn't used.

[AngelicaDeAlquezar]

@Luis: Welcome back!

I agree with Rusty. I would just like to add some hints for improvement of the sentences:

Si cavo un agujero el que es (This is unnecessary) de tres metros por dos metros por tres metros y medio(Your proposal is not grammatically wrong, but I altered the order because this way it sounds better for Mexican daily speech.) ¿cuánto tierra (gender must agree between these two words --"tierra" is feminine) es ("Ser" is used only for traits or features that are inherent to the thing you're talking about; so, since dirt is not an intrinsic characteristic of a hole, "es" is not the right verb. You cannot use "estar" either, because the dirt is not something that holds a position inside the hole. Try using the impersonal form of the verb "haber") dentro de él?
(As a side note, more than a "chiste", this is rather an "acertijo".)