Uh oh, culture clash

[x mi amor x]

I am new here and everything so if this breaks the rules I am sorry. But I posted my problem on a different forum that ive been on but there are predominatly people there who have no Spanish background at all. Anyways, I need advice on this problem explained below.

Here's some background info: I have a new boyfriend of about a month and a half who was born and grew up in Ecuador.

Last night when I called my friend she asked where i was i said i was on my way to Julio (my boyfriends) house. I got to his house and realized he was not there yet, however, his brother was there but in bed. I have a key to the house and they said i could be there whenever i wanted no matter who was there. I said on the phone oh wow only Jorge is here right now. My friend then went off and started saying that I shouldnt be at Julios house without Julio being there and that I shouldnt be there so much and everything because if Julio was an American it would be weird for you to be there while he wasnt at his house. She said also that some of the things that Julio says and the fact that i have a key after a month and a half ofdating would be a "red flag" in American culture. After this she proceeded to tell me that i need to "act more like an American, because you are an American but you sure dont act like it". After this she told me that I dont have a right to say i love South American food because I have never eatten one of their delicacies that they eat there.

This is not the first time that she's gone off on be about this weird culture shock thing. In the past she has changed my music in the car from spanish salsa, bachata, or reggeton to the radio because she just didnt feel like listening to that "crap". She's also said to me that I need to act more American and stop eatting so much rice, because I am not a Latina apparently according to her i cant eat rice.

But anyways so this thing really upset me and I dont know whether or not to talk to her or what i should do. I dont know what to say to her because I dont want to pit her against Julio because Julio never did anything to her but I want her to understand that I am happy and Im no longer going to let her bring me down because she doesnt like the way I am or what I like or whatever. So, what should I do? talk to her not talk to her? what should I say?

[CrOtALiTo]

I think that you should to try the American south culture because, if your boyfriend was born in Ecuador and you was born in U.S A, you are both have different customs therefore, you must to learn more about his culture and he about your culture although sometimes he gone off for long time, I can't opine because I don't know anything about your life and he life.

Good luck for the next time.

[irmamar]

I'd talk to her because if you don't, you can lose a friend. If I were you, I'd explain her the things you do and the reasons because you do them. And if you like listen to "salsa" in your car, I wouldn't allow anybody to change the music you love. This is as personal as your own personality and, if there is somebody who doesn't like your personality, as I would say in Spanish: "ya se puede ir con viento fresco". Good luck!

[Elaina]

Boy, this is kinda tough.

She probably is feeling jealous of the relationship you have with your boyfriend, or the lack of relationship you now have with her.

She hates the fact that when you do spend time with her, you bring your boyfriend along if only in spirit. Think about it.... when you go out with her, you listen to a totally different type of music, eat a totally different type of food and you probably talk a lot about him. Not only has he stolen her friend from her, he is totally changing her.

If you were best friends before Julio came in the picture, then she is going through the emotions of a "loss". You might say she is wrong to think that because you two still hang out together but it isn't.

Give her time to adjust. Limit your conversation about Julio when you are with her and try to spend "quality" time with this friend eventhough you are not spending as much time with her. Maybe you can introduce her to Julio's food and culture little by little. Don't force it upon her.

BUT..........

You also must understand that some people do not like people from other cultures. If this is the case, then you will need to make a decision. I, like Irmamar would send her packing.

You must do what you feel is right. We can only give you ideas and suggestions.

Take care,

[irmamar]

Good words, Elaina. I suppose you are more patient than I am.

So, "to send somebody packing" means "enviarlo a tomar viento", isn't it?

[Elaina]

Originally Posted by irmamar

Good words, Elaina. I suppose you are more patient than I am.

So, "to send somebody packing" means "enviarlo a tomar viento", isn't it?

If not, its very similar. But I believe it means the same thing.

[Fazor]

Sounds like a problem with her (OP's friend), rather than a culture thing. Like she thinks everyone should think/act exactly how she does.

I'm not the worlds greatest advice giver, but when it comes to that kind of thing, my personal philosophy has always been to stick with what works for you, and don't worry so much about what others think.

Oh, and as for the rice thing; you can always remind her that there's really no such thing as American food.

[CrOtALiTo]

Originally Posted by Fazor

Sounds like a problem with her (OP's friend), rather than a culture thing. Like she thinks everyone should think/act exactly how she does.

I'm not the worlds greatest advice giver, but when it comes to that kind of thing, my personal philosophy has always been to stick with what works for you, and don't worry so much about what others think.

Oh, and as for the rice thing; you can always remind her that there's really no such thing as American food.

I can be agree with you, your words were very close, but I think that the relationship between they two fault communication, I don't know much about it because as I said before, I haven't the place to meet them, but I know something about it, it's that the relation should more lovely and more special if the there is something that the person does not like of the other person then the relationship will turn harder understand to has, I think that she musts to talk with him first.

[irmamar]

Originally Posted by Fazor

Sounds like a problem with her (OP's friend), rather than a culture thing. Like she thinks everyone should think/act exactly how she does.

I'm not the worlds greatest advice giver, but when it comes to that kind of thing, my personal philosophy has always been to stick with what works for you, and don't worry so much about what others think.

Oh, and as for the rice thing; you can always remind her that there's really no such thing as American food.

Sorry! Would you mind to tell me what does "OP's friend" mean? Thanks.

[Fazor]

Originally Posted by irmamar

Sorry! Would you mind to tell me what does "OP's friend" mean? Thanks.

OP, in forum-talk, stands for "Original Poster" . . . the person who started the discussion.

[irmamar]

Originally Posted by Fazor

OP, in forum-talk, stands for "Original Poster" . . . the person who started the discussion.

Thanks! I didn't know.

[x mi amor x]

thank you everybody for all of your advice. I am sure it will all in small parts come into use when I do talk to her. I have not talked to her yet and have not talked to her since our conversation that we had on Friday.

CrOtALiTo: I agree with you when you say that I need to learn about his culture and him about mine. I do know some about his culture and everything because I love his culture. I learn from when he talks about Ecuador about his culture and I learn from reading books about latino culture. He knows about mine because he does live in the United States. But I do agree that my friend and I are lacking communication and this might be why we dont see eye to eye about certain things. All the time we talk about her relationship problems with her boyfriend and nothing else really, therefore, we never really have time to talk about anything else. So i think that you are right that we do need to take time to talk and communicate with eachother as friends.

irmamar: thank you. I do agree I will never let anybody change who I am, I love Spanish music and I always have loved Spanish music even before Julio came along. But I do think as well that I will talk to her and if she cant accept how I am then I might just have to leave the friendship. Not that I want to lose her friendship but if she cant accept me then whats the point of being in a friendship?

Elaina: I believe you when you say that she feels jealous. A lot of this comes, I believe, because her boyfriend and her are having troubles and right now are not together until she works on things. However, I have always loved Spanish music, and food ever since i was introduced to it. Also she is not my best friend a lot of times i wonder why i am friends with her because she likes to use me and guilt trip me into different things (ex: driving her somewhere that she needs to go because she doesnt have a car). She puts her issues on me a lot of times and its very hard to deal with because I have my own problems and then she is constantly everyday making me be somewhat like her therapist making her feel okay about what her and her boyfriend argued about or whatever. Thank you for your advice, I appriciate it.

Fazor: I agree with you as well and I think that sometimes a lot of people think that everyone else needs to think how they do. I try very hard as well to not worry about what others think but when its my friends I do sometimes take it to heart and its hard to blow that off. HAHA! THe rice thing just makes me laugh, and your right there is no such thing as REAL American food. haha.

[irmamar]

x mi amor x. I've read that you've had words for all of us. Surely, you'll have words for her.

[x mi amor x]

Originally Posted by irmamar

x mi amor x. I've read that you've had words for all of us. Surely, you'll have words for her.

haha i do hope so!

[CrOtALiTo]

Originally Posted by x mi amor x

thank you everybody for all of your advice. I am sure it will all in small parts come into use when I do talk to her. I have not talked to her yet and have not talked to her since our conversation that we had on Friday.

CrOtALiTo: I agree with you when you say that I need to learn about his culture and him about mine. I do know some about his culture and everything because I love his culture. I learn from when he talks about Ecuador about his culture and I learn from reading books about latino culture. He knows about mine because he does live in the United States. But I do agree that my friend and I are lacking communication and this might be why we dont see eye to eye about certain things. All the time we talk about her relationship problems with her boyfriend and nothing else really, therefore, we never really have time to talk about anything else. So i think that you are right that we do need to take time to talk and communicate with eachother as friends.

irmamar: thank you. I do agree I will never let anybody change who I am, I love Spanish music and I always have loved Spanish music even before Julio came along. But I do think as well that I will talk to her and if she cant accept how I am then I might just have to leave the friendship. Not that I want to lose her friendship but if she cant accept me then whats the point of being in a friendship?

Elaina: I believe you when you say that she feels jealous. A lot of this comes, I believe, because her boyfriend and her are having troubles and right now are not together until she works on things. However, I have always loved Spanish music, and food ever since i was introduced to it. Also she is not my best friend a lot of times i wonder why i am friends with her because she likes to use me and guilt trip me into different things (ex: driving her somewhere that she needs to go because she doesnt have a car). She puts her issues on me a lot of times and its very hard to deal with because I have my own problems and then she is constantly everyday making me be somewhat like her therapist making her feel okay about what her and her boyfriend argued about or whatever. Thank you for your advice, I appriciate it.

Fazor: I agree with you as well and I think that sometimes a lot of people think that everyone else needs to think how they do. I try very hard as well to not worry about what others think but when its my friends I do sometimes take it to heart and its hard to blow that off. HAHA! THe rice thing just makes me laugh, and your right there is no such thing as REAL American food. haha.

Yes, I think that the better communication between couple is the talk both person always that you feel that lack the communication in the relationship, because sometimes is very hard to take a relationship with a person who does not take in mind the relationship, therefore the always in the relationship will has problems as couple.

whatever I wish you good luck.

[ZeroTX]

I agree with your friend that you shouldn't be alone in his house with only his brother there. That could lead to some awkward situations, regardless of what country you're from.

[ZeroTX]

Originally Posted by Fazor

Oh, and as for the rice thing; you can always remind her that there's really no such thing as American food.

I have to respectfully disagree with you there. While the United States has many foods influenced by other cultures brought over by the original European immigrants to this nation, there are plenty of foods invented in the United States.

Corn Dogs - invented in Texas, 1942
Philly Cheese Steak - invented in Philadelphia
"American "Chinese Food" - Fried foods not consisting of anything Chinese
S'mores
Reuben Sandwich
Buffalo Wings
Gumbo (and most other Cajun foods)
Pecan Pie (U.S. southern states)
Hot Dogs -- you can see the German/Euro influence, but if you dare call a hotdog the same thing as a bratwurst on a bun, you might get smacked by everybody in Germany
Hamburgers
Chicago-style Pizza -- surely you can see that it's Italian influenced, but 100% American
New York-style Pizza -- ditto

The list could really go on and on especially once you get into regional dishes that bear no resemblance whatsoever to any of their European ancestry.

-Michael

[Fazor]

All (okay, so almost all) American food comes from other cultures. Pizza had itallian influence, Hamburger was western-Europe, as well as hot dogs. Gumbo is a mixture of French and island cuisine. American Chinese is "inspired by" Asian foods. etc.

The point is, it's ignorant to say that if you're an American, you shouldn't eat so much rice, you should eat American food.

[poli]

Of course all this is arguable, but what isn't arguable are products native to the Americas. Before Columbus, Europe knew nothing of corn, peppers,tomatoes, potatoes, quinoa, eggplant, tomatillos, wild rice to name just a few native American food products. They are truly products of American origin.

Some of these products are still not well known in Europe.
PS I forgot two obvious ones cocoa and avacodos.

[irmamar]

Originally Posted by poli

Of course all this is arguable, but what isn't arguable are products native to the Americas. Before Columbus, Europe knew nothing of corn, peppers,tomatoes, potatoes, quinoa, eggplant, tomatillos, wild rice to name just a few native American food products. They are truly products of American origin.

Some of these products are still not well known in Europe.
PS I forgot two obvious ones cocoa and avacodos.

Yes, you're right, but... now we've made ours (I mean: los hemos hecho nuestros )

Once I was told that when potatoes came here to Spain, people didn't want them (I suppose because they were ugly ). Then authorities enclosed the fields of potatoes, so people were more interested in them and went to steal potatoes). I don't know if this is true, but it is an anecdote someone told me.