Asking for a hand in marriage

[conejodescarado]

Hi all,

It's been a while since I visited the forum and quite a while since I wrote or spoke any Spanish beyond a simple sentence. I'm dating a Peruvian girl and I'm going to propose to her in just under a week's time. Her parents don't speak any English at all, so I need to write to them in Spanish and I need to have a clear translation of what I want to say. Would anybody be able to correct my Spanish or make it sound more natural?

English version:


Dear [REDACTED] and [REDACTED],

I wanted to write to you because I have some news I'd like to share with you.

I'm in love with your daughter, [REDACTED]. Since we've been together, we've shared some of the happiest moments of our lives together. We work well together, we really care about each other and we understand each other. She makes me laugh every single day. You have done a wonderful job bringing such a special person into this world.

I feel like I'm a part of your family already and I know that my own family are extremely happy to have [REDACTED] in our's. At some point we'll want to think about starting a little family of our own.

This Friday, [REDACTED] and I are going to Sydney for a long weekend away together. I'm planning to ask your daughter to marry me during this trip. Of course, she doesn't know this yet, but I really wanted you to know before I get down on one knee. I know that we are 100% right for each other and that we will spend a long and happy life together.

I hope you are excited as me!

Love,

Chris


Here's my poor attempt at translating it into Spanish:


Queridos [REDACTED] y [REDACTED],

Quería escribirles porque tengo una noticia que quiero compartir con ustedes.

Estoy enamorado de su hija, [REDACTED]. Desde entonces estamos juntos, nos hemos compartido unos de los momentos muy alegres de nuestras vidas con el otro. Funcionamos bien juntos, nos importamos de verdad y nos entendimos. Me hace reír cada día. Ustedes han hecho un trabajo maravilloso a traer una persona tan especial en este mundo.

Me siento ya como una parte de su familia y se que mi propia familia es muy feliz para tener [REDACTED] como una parte de nuestra. Un día querremos pensar en una pequeña familia propia de nosotros.

Este viernes [REDACTED] y yo vamos a Sidney para pasar el fin de semana de Pascua juntos. Tengo la intención de preguntar a su hija a casarse con me durante esta vacación. Claro que ella no sabe nada todavía, pero quería que ustedes lo sepan antes de yo vaya en la rodilla. Yo se que somos 100% justos para el otro y que pasaremos nuestras vidas largas e felices juntos.

Espero que ustedes están tan entusiasmado como me!

Besos,

Chris

[AngelicaDeAlquezar]

Here are some suggestions for improvement. If you need help or more explanations, I'll be happy to help.


Queridos [REDACTED] y [REDACTED],

Quería escribirles porque tengo una noticia que quiero compartir con ustedes.

Estoy enamorado de su hija, [REDACTED]. Desde entonces (With this word, you are saying that from that date on you both are together, but there is no date specified, so you need to use a conjunction instead to mean what you intended to in your original text) estamos juntos, nos (If you use the pronominal, you're saying that you have shared with each other those moments, as if talking about them to each other) hemos compartido unos de los momentos muy (You need a comparative instead) alegres de nuestras vidas con el otro (You don't need this; they'll wonder who the other one is) ;). Funcionamos bien juntos, nos importamos de verdad y nos entendimos (This is past tense, you need present). Me hace reír cada día. Ustedes han hecho un trabajo maravilloso a ("En" is better, or "al") traer una persona tan especial en ("A" is better... sorry, prepositions are tricky) :D este mundo.

Me siento ya como una parte de su familia y se (Spelling: there's an accent missing so it's the verb "saber" and not the pronominal particle "se") que mi propia familia es (For emotions we use "estar") muy feliz para (Use "de" instead) tener *** (There's need of "personal a (http://grammar.tomisimo.org/Personal_a)" before a person) [REDACTED] como una (You don't need this) parte de *** (Definite article needed) nuestra. Un día querremos pensar en una pequeña familia propia de nosotros (Can you reword this, please? It sounds strange).

Este viernes [REDACTED] y yo vamos a Sidney para pasar el fin de semana de Pascua juntos. Tengo la intención de preguntar a su hija a casarse con me (The collocation for this is "proponerle matrimonio a alguien") durante esta vacación (Although the dictionary has the word in singular, it's rather used in plural). Claro que ella no sabe nada todavía, pero quería que ustedes lo sepan (The past subjunctive is better) antes de *** (A conjunction is needed) yo vaya en la rodilla (This doesn't work; check the verb "arrodillarse"). Yo se (Check previous note on spelling) que somos 100% justos (This doesn't work; check the expression "el uno para el otro") para el otro y que pasaremos nuestras vidas largas (Invert the word order, for reasons of euphony) e (This looks like Italian rather than Spanish) felices juntos.

Espero que ustedes están (The subjunctive must go with expressions like "esperar que") tan entusiasmado (This adjective must agree in number with "ustedes") como me (This is Italian, use the normal first person pronoun in Spanish)!

Besos,

Chris