Critique my writing assignment

Critique my writing assignment

Hi all,

I'm looking for some critique of a writing assignment for a Spanish course I am taking. Please note, I'm not looking to cheat by having someone fix my errors and then submit my assignment without understanding what I did wrong. I'm looking to improve my understanding by learning from my mistakes and any input will be researched so I don't repeat mistakes I may have made.

This assignment is intended to be a short description of my family. I am limited to using vocabulary covered thus far in the course so there may be a better way to say something if I had more vocabulary at my disposal but I do not so I want to make sure I used the vocab I did correctly.

Here is my assignment.
Hay cuatra personas en mi familia. Mi madre, mis dos hermanos más jovenes, y yo. Mi madre es una gran mamá. Ella es paciente y simpática. Mi hermano mayor se llama Bill. Él tiene dieciséis años. Él es alto, trabajador, y responsable. Mi hermano joven se llama Jack. Él tiene trece años. Él es muy simpático, paciente y cómico similar mi madre. Mis hermanos y yo somos de la Florida.

Any input is appreciated but one specific concern I have is is that I know mayor means old and joven means young, but can I use them in the sentence to mean oldEST and youngEST? Also, by saying "Mi hermano mayor se llama Bill." do I express that he is older than me or just older than my youngest brother?

Thanks in advance for any input.

Great work! :thumbsup:

Some notes and suggestions for improvement below. If you need more explanations, let me know:

Quote:

Hay cuatra (Check spelling) personas en mi familia. Mi madre, mis dos hermanos más jovenes (Spelling), y yo. Mi madre es una gran mamá. Ella es paciente y simpática. Mi hermano mayor se llama Bill. Él tiene dieciséis años. Él (These pronouns can be deleted, they're not needed) es alto, trabajador, y responsable. Mi hermano joven (You have correctly used "hermano mayor" there is an equivalent for a younger brother; if you can't find it, let me know) se llama Jack. Él tiene trece años. Él es muy simpático, paciente y cómico similar *** (Preposition needed here; "similar" doesn't go alone) mi madre. Mis hermanos y yo somos de la Florida.

Also, by saying "Mi hermano mayor se llama Bill." do I express that he is older than me or just older than my youngest brother? Your use of "hermano mayor" is correct; there is no room for doubt, because you're relating him to you by "mi".

Quote:

Originally Posted by aceofspades9991 (Post 153796)

Hay cuatra personas en mi familia. Mi madre, mis dos hermanos más jovenes, y yo. Mi madre es una gran mamá. Ella es paciente y simpática. Mi hermano mayor se llama Bill. Él tiene dieciséis años. Él es alto, trabajador, y responsable. Mi hermano joven se llama Jack. Él tiene trece años. Él es muy simpático, paciente y cómico similar () mi madre. Mis hermanos y yo somos de la Florida.

Any input is appreciated but one specific concern I have is that I know mayor means old and joven means young, but can I use them in the sentence to mean oldEST and youngEST? Also, by saying "Mi hermano mayor se llama Bill." do I express that he is older than me or just older than my youngest brother?

Welcome to the forums!
I've marked what needs to be fixed in red. The purple marking is explained below. (Some of your errors are with punctuation only.)

mi hermano mayor = my older brother (older than you)
el hermano más mayor = the oldest brother

You can use joven, but I would use menor.
mi hermano menor = my younger brother (younger than you)

But, el hermano más joven is a better translation of 'the youngest brother'.

Thank you both very much for your detailed responses. That's exactly what I'm looking for.