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- - Mag & Ale (https://forums.tomisimo.org/showthread.php?t=20523)

Necesito ayuda con esta tarea. Debo escribir en Inglés un episodio de mi profesión que haya dejado una huella en ella. Son tantas pero yo he elegido esta.
No sé si puede hacer y estoy seguro que lo sabré por Uds. mismos.
Gracias de antemano.

Here I am:

this morning Mag calls at my cell,
she wants to know from me if Ale, her son, could have a job obtained by his father
She told me that her husband will make all what she decides.
This is all what Mag told me this morning
She also ask me what I think about this thing.
Three or four days ago we were trying to find a solution to this problem:
Ale is an addict of heroin and methadone. He lives alone with a girl meet at an AA group. She's an alcoholic young woman.
Her name is ND
They rent a little house at the periferic zone of the city, where they live alone, except two dogs.
She works as a barmaid, he, instead, shoot the shit from morning till night using drugs with the money he received from an automovilistic accident.
By the way, Mag is Ale's mother.
To be continued.

Things that need to be corrected appear in red. In purple, I've provided some hints about what you could do to make things better.

Quote:

Originally Posted by pinosilano (Post 156957)

Here I am:
(This is an odd introduction. What are you trying to announce?)

this morning Mag calls at my cell,
(Sentences begin with a capital letter and end with a period. While 'at my cell' may be used, it's uncommon in American English; we call someone at a restaurant or at a bar, but we don't call them at their cell phone.)

she wants to know (from me) if Ale, her son, could have a job obtained by his father()

She told me that her husband will make all what she decides.
(Another verb is needed. Change 'all' to a more suitable pronoun. Change 'what' to a conjunction or omit it entirely.)

This is all what Mag told me this morning()
(Change 'what' to a conjunction or omit it entirely.)

She also ask() me what I think about this thing.
(Use other wording that leads well into the next idea, like "her son's situation.")

Three or four days ago we were trying to find a solution to this problem:
Ale is an addict of heroin and methadone.
(We use a noun to modify a noun, so 'addict' should follow 'methadone', and omit the preposition.)

He lives alone with a girl meet at an AA group.
(The verb isn't conjugated correctly, and it needs a subject pronoun. Instead of group, we tend to hear 'gathering' or 'meeting'.)

She's an alcoholic young woman.
(This needs rephrased. Omit woman. Make 'alcoholic' the subject complement and use 'young' as an adjective.)

Her name is ND()

They rent a little house at the periferic zone of the city, where they live alone, except () two dogs.
(Peripheric, note the proper spelling, is a word I had to look up. I have never heard it used before. We say "on the outskirts of town." You're missing a preposition after 'except'.)

She works as a barmaid,
(This is a complete sentence.)

he, instead, shoot the shit from morning till night using drugs () with the money he received from an automovilistic accident.
(The verb needs conjugated correctly. The parentheses should provide more information that ties to 'with the money'. The word before 'accident' isn't English.)

By the way, Mag is Ale's mother.

To be continued...

Muchas gracias, Rusty por tu ayuda.
Aquí va mi segundo intento basándome en tus sugerencias:

This morning I got a phone call from Mag. She wants to know if I agree that Ale, her son, could have a job obtained by his father. She told me that her husband will do everything she decides. This is all Mag told me this morning. She also asked me what I think about thisproject.
Three or four days ago we were trying to find a solution to this problem:
Ale is an heroin addict and he use methadone as well. He lives alone with a girl met at an AA meeting.
She's a young alcoholic. Her name is ND and she works as barmaid. He, instead, shot the shit from morning till night using drugs with the money he received from the automovil insurance right afterward an ugly accident.
They rent a little house on the outskirts of town where they live alone with the exception of two dogs.
By the way, Mag is Ale's mother.

To be continued...

Much improved! Here are just a few more corrections.

Instead of 'could have a job obtained by his father', it would sound better to say something like 'could get a job where his father works' or 'should ask his father to find him a job'.

Quote:

Originally Posted by pinosilano (Post 157007)

This morning I got a phone call from Mag. She wants to know if I agree that Ale, her son, could have a job obtained by his father. She told me that her husband will do everything she decides. This is all Mag told me this morning. She also asked me what I think about this project.
Three or four days ago we were trying to find a solution to this problem:
Ale is an heroin addict and he use methadone as well. He lives alone with a girl () met at an AA meeting. She's a young alcoholic. Her name is ND and she works as barmaid. He, instead, shot the shit from morning till night using drugs with the money he received from the automovil insurance right afterward an ugly accident.
They rent a little house on the outskirts of town where they live alone with the exception of two dogs.
By the way, Mag is Ale's mother.

To be continued...

¿A ver ahora? :)

This morning I got a phone call from Mag. She wants to know if I agree that Ale, her son, could have a job with the help of his father. She told me that her husband will do everything she decides. This is all Mag told me this morning. She also asked me what I think about this project.
Three or four days ago we were trying to find a solution to this problem:
Ale is an heroin addict and methadone as well. He lives alone with a girl, met at an AA meeting. She's a young alcoholic. Her name is ND and she works as barmaid. He, instead, use from sunup to sundown, drugs with the money he received from the car insurance as a result of an ugly accident.
They rent a little house on the outskirts of town where they live alone with the exception of two dogs.
By the way, Mag is Ale's mother.
To be continued...

Getting closer.

Quote:

Originally Posted by pinosilano (Post 157079)

¿A ver ahora? :)

This morning I got a phone call from Mag. She wants to know if I agree that Ale, her son, could have a job with the help of his father. She told me that her husband will do everything she decides. This is all Mag told me this morning. She also asked me what I think about this project.
Three or four days ago we were trying to find a solution to this problem:
Ale is an heroin addict and () methadone as well. He lives alone with a girl () met at an AA meeting. She's a young alcoholic. Her name is ND and she works as barmaid. He, instead, from sunup to sundown, uses drugs he bought with the money he received from the insurance as a result of an ugly car accident.
They rent a little house on the outskirts of town where they live alone with the exception of two dogs.
By the way, Mag is Ale's mother.
To be continued...

...This morning I got a phone call from Mag. She wants to know if I agree that Ale, her son, could have a job with the help of his father. She told me that her husband will do everything she decides. This is all Mag told me this morning. She also asked me what I think about this project.
Three or four days ago we were trying to find a solution to this problem:
Ale is an heroin addict and of methadone as well. He lives alone with a girl he met at an AA meeting. She's a young alcoholic. Her name is ND and she works as barmaid. He, instead, from sunup to sundown, uses drugs he bought with the money he received from the insurance as a result of an ugly car accident.
They rent a little house on the outskirts of town where they live alone with the exception of two dogs.
By the way, Mag is Ale's mother.
To be continued

Good job. I would still change a few things, but your story will be totally understood.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rusty (Post 157208)

Good job. I would still change a few things, but your story will be totally understood.

Oh!, muchísimas gracias por tu paciencia, Rusty.
Me aprovecharé de ella para continuar mi historia, ¿qué te parece?