Paraprosdokian sentences (to laugh your head off!)

Paraprosdokian sentences (to laugh your head off!)
 

This is sooooo funny, hope you like it :)


Paraprosdokian sentences: A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect.

· I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

· Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

· I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

· The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

· Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

· If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

· We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

· War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.

· Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

· The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

· Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

· To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

· A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station.

· How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

· Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

· Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

· I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.

· A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

· Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR."

· I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

· Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

· Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.

· Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?

· Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

· A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

· You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

· The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

· Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

· A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

· Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

· Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

· I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

· Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

· I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

· I always take life with a grain of salt... plus a slice of lemon...and a shot of tequila.

· When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

· You're never too old to learn something stupid.

· To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

· A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

· If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

· Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

:D :D :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

(I needed these this morning!) :applause:

I'm glad it helped!
I love the one with the white shark. (me siento identificada! jeje)

¡La verdad es que todos son muy re-buenos! :D :thumbsup:

¡Muchas gracias, Alex! Son muy buenos y es muy bueno aprender idiomas con esta clase de cosas.

Mi preferido: el de discutir con idiotas.

That's me! :rolleyes:

I'm not a complete idiot. There are several pieces still missing...

This one,
· I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
Reminded me
· I used to be dyslexic. Now I'm KO!

:lol::lol::lol: :applause:

@aleCcowaN: de nada! me alegro que te gustaran! :D

O en las palabras de Weird Al Yankovic: If money can't buy happiness, I guess I'll have to rent it.

Dyslexics of the world, untie!

Oll, llo, llo, oll!!!

(Not just a dyslexic lol, but stuttering too!) :D

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

I see so much potential here!

lol, you've got a lot of imagination people.

I work at advertising, I'll probably end up hiring you :p

¡muy buenos Alex!

¡Muy divertidos!

Joaquín Sabina tiene una de mis favoritas: "Y yo que había pensado morir sin descendencia, como murió mi padre". :rolleyes:

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” ~ Jack Handy

"On the other hand, you have different fingers." ~ Jack Handy

But I like ...
On the other hand, she had warts.

(Spoken to an audience) Will all those people who believe in psychokenesis please raise my right hand.

:rolleyes:

:lol::lol::lol:

Ese me hizo recordar el que dice:

"Por medio de un comunicado de prensa la Asociación de Videntes informó que su asamblea general convocada para el jueves próximo fue todo un éxito"

:D :lol: :lol: :lol:
Ah, very good ones!

I had another version too,

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile way - and barefoot.

And
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Alex.

Thank you for sharing us your letter, really your post was very long and very hard sometimes for my English, but I could read it.

Your post result very nice in some many part where you are tell us about the early bird and the bike, now I don't like much about the silence died like as you grandfather dies before, I didn't like me that.

I don't like to think about it.

And well since you have took the thread about the dies, my suspense came back without my medicament, hahahaha.

But not yet I can wait in read other version about your first post.

Sincerely yours.

¡No! ¿Y los dos están vírgenes? :whistling:

jajaja están geniales los que agregaron!

Uno más:

"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together
and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think
of you often."