Sentence Structure

[djbranson]

I have writen a song in English that contains some phrases I want to restate in Spanish. I would like for someone to confirm that my Spanish is correct in the song before I record it. If you can help, please reply to this thread.

[Rusty]

Originally Posted by djbranson

I have writen a song in English that contains some phrases I want to restate in Spanish. I would like for someone to confirm that my Spanish is correct in the song before I record it. If you can help, please reply to this thread.

Restate is the correct word. Spanish has many more syllables than the English counterpart and the message in English will seldom match the message in Spanish and stay in meter.

[djbranson]

My heart rides a restless wind
At times, I feel the heat of passion in the air
At times, the chill of snow

Y va mi corazon, monando el viento agitado
Siento a veces el calor del pasion en el aire
y a veces el frio de nieve

[CrOtALiTo]

Please you write the song here, I wanna see it, then so I will can help you.

[djbranson]

Please look at my second posting. I wrote part of the song there in English, along with my translation in Spanish.

[Rusty]

Originally Posted by djbranson

My heart rides a restless wind
At times, I feel the heat of passion in the air
At times, the chill of snow

Y va mi corazón, montado en un viento agitado
Siento a veces el calor de la pasión en el aire
y a veces el frío de la nieve

You provided a pretty good translation of the English lyrics (corrections above). If you are just going to speak the Spanish lyrics (restating the English lyrics), the corrected translation will work. However, if you'd like the lyrics to sound more poetic or if what you're really trying to do is to fit the meter of the song, the translation would need to be different.

Here is my attempt at a 'poetic rendition' of your lyrics:

Viene montado en viento agitado mi corazón
En el aire siento el calor de la pasión
Y al momento, el frío de la nieve

[djbranson]

Thanks for the insight, Rusty. If I can figure out how to use the website's attachment feature, I will post a portion of my rough recording to demonstrate the meter.

[Rusty]

I believe Tomísimo limits your ability to attach files until you've reached a certain number of posts. Ask him about this if you're having difficulty.

[Tomisimo]

Originally Posted by djbranson

My heart rides a restless wind
At times, I feel the heat of passion in the air
At times, the chill of snow

Y va mi corazon, monando el viento agitado
Siento a veces el calor del pasion en el aire
y a veces el frio de nieve

Originally Posted by djbranson

Thanks for the insight, Rusty. If I can figure out how to use the website's attachment feature, I will post a portion of my rough recording to demonstrate the meter.

Originally Posted by Rusty

I believe Tomísimo limits your ability to attach files until you've reached a certain number of posts. Ask him about this if you're having difficulty.

You should be able to attach both mp3 and wav files to a post. Mp3 is preferred for obvious size advantages. To attach a file, click the "manage attachments" button below where you write a post. (see attached image). Max filesize for an mp3 is 1 mb.

Here's my attempt at a translation (it's obviously not word-for-word):

Un aire inquieto [sacude/se lleva] mi corazón
Hay veces que siento el calor de la pasión
Hay veces que siento el frío de la nieve

Otras ideas para restless wind:

viento/aire bullicioso
viento/aire alborotado

[djbranson]

Attached is a partial sample of the song in the rough, without harmony vocals, bass, etc. The genre is Cowboy (as in Old West, not Country-Western). Let me know if you like the translation. I'm thinking of asking a Mariachi band that I recently met to play in the background, starting at the modulation. Feel free to comment.

[Rusty]

The song sounds really great! Good job!

I'm afraid I led you astray on the word montado. I mistakenly provided the feminine form when it should have been masculine. That mistake was corrected in my post, but not before you committed it to paper. Sorry about that!
If you make that change, and omit the word un before viento for a little easier fit, I think the verse will be well understood.

Y va mi corazón montado en viento agitado

[djbranson]

Thanks for the feedback, and the timely help with my grammar. I'll make the correction in the studio, and then we can finish it and include it in an upcoming album.

[Tomisimo]

Nice music. So you're going to sing the song in English and Spanish? Or is it an all Spanish recording?

I'm not a native Spanish speaker, but I like viento inquieto more than viento agitado for restless wind. To me, viento agitado sounds more like stormy wind, but then again, I'm not a native speaker and that's just my opinion.

Keep us posted on the progress of you album!

[djbranson]

Thanks for the feedback. The music I write and sing is typically referred to as traditional Texas Cowboy music, and it often carries Mexican undertones. Many moons ago, I learned Castillian Spanish as a student in Colorado, which is the reason I tend to pronounce b as v and d as th. My Latino friends don't seem bothered by my pronunciations, or maybe they're just diplomatic enough to tolerate me. Anyway, I use opportunities like these to honor the influences that make where I live attractive to me.

Thanks again for your insight. I'll play with 'inquieto' in the studio to get a feel for it.

[djbranson]

I see that I did not answer the first question you asked. I will sing this song predominantly in English, with a portion of one chorus sung in Spanish.

[Rusty]

Originally Posted by djbranson

Thanks for the feedback. The music I write and sing is typically referred to as traditional Texas Cowboy music, and it often carries Mexican undertones. Many moons ago, I learned Castillian Spanish as a student in Colorado, which is the reason I tend to pronounce b as v and d as th. My Latino friends don't seem bothered by my pronunciations, or maybe they're just diplomatic enough to tolerate me. Anyway, I use opportunities like these to honor the influences that make where I live attractive to me.

Thanks again for your insight. I'll play with 'inquieto' in the studio to get a feel for it.

I've no problem with you using agitado, which certainly means restless in the dictionaries I consult, but it can also convey the meaning that David said. There are more hits on the Internet for viento inquieto than for viento agitado, if that's of any worth.
Both can be pronounced with three syllables, if you elide the d in agitado (done quite frequently - sounds like agitao), so neither is better as far as meter, but I have to admit that agitado/agitao sounds better to my ear.

FWIW - The pronunciation of d should sound like the th in 'the' when the d is between vowels and at the end of a word. Otherwise, it has a sound like the English d, but not as aspirated.
The b and v are pronounced exactly the same way. When between vowels, the lips do not meet. Otherwise, the sound is close to the English b.

Your Spanish pronunciation was remarkably good.
The only suggestion I can give is that your pronunciation of the letter g isn't as aspirated as it should be. It should sound just like the letter j. Both sounds are more aspirated than the English h.