Sometimes I feel so alone

[Jessica]

I don't have any friends. okay, I do, but they aren't my real friends. It's just that I'm so shy I don't talk to anyone and nobody wants to be my partner when you get to choose a partner for some project, and last year in one of my classes the majority of the projects that were assigned I worked alone, when everyone else had partners.

During lunch this year I sit alone and eat by myself, not that I care but sometimes I wish someone would sit with me and talk.

Everyone else have friends that they could talk to and get help and all that and I don't; I'm just too shy.

I would feel a twinge of jealousy whenever people give little gifts to their friends or cookies or whatever.

Both my brothers have friends and my little brother have friends that occasionally come over to my house. My older brother's friends don't do that, but this summer I see a lot of people really like him

I just feel so lonely (sometimes)

[JPablo]

Hi Jessica... I understand you. (And you actually have tons of friends in Tomisimo... and have actually a very good level of communication.)

The same principles you use here, you can use them with the people you interact (or not) out there, out of the "virtual/cybernetic" space.

The key is COMMUNICATION. You can find someone that is nice or you like (him or her) and get interested on what that person likes... (his/her) REALITY. You can then start to talk about that to that person and increase your AFFINITY with him/her, by increasing your COMMUNICATION and increasing your 'REALITY' (Agreement).

(I used to be very introverted myself... but you can make real friends just using good communication. You'll see you can help them and they can help you... and have fun at it.)

[ookami]

You can have many friends and fell lonely still. You are in the age where you can start felling the classical "existencial anguish" that the literature has showed quite well.

If you want to improve your comunication skills you just need to start practicing. Talk when you can, go out when you can, take a course when you can. Smile, accept, smile, accept, etc.

Now, if you really want to beat that felling... the search begins now. I couldn't find my road yet.

I was like you at school. Now I'm not: I can communicate in an easier way, I have some "friends" and all that stuff; but I'm so lonely that even my fantasy characters -that in the past where so much from dawn to dusk- are ghosts with no presence in my life.

Alone
From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then- in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life- was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.
Edgar Allan Poe

But well, all can be better no? If you don't try ...
Btw. you have to know that there are people that like shy people.

[Chris]

Shyness can be cured. Just like in learning Spanish or anything else in life you just have to work on it. There are tons of information on the net for self help. I'm sure shyness is a subject that has much just about it.

I can tell you a few things though and I'm sure when you do some research on it you're going to find out I'm right.

Being shy is fear. You fear what you don't know. How does it make you feel when you "put yourself out there" and talk then the person responds positively? Good? Of course you do! How do you feel when you put yourself out there and get humiliated? Bad! How do you feel when you don't put yourself out there? Bad! So it's either put yourself out there and feel good sometimes and bad other times or don't try and just feel bad all the time. This is a way to control your fear in any situation. (not just social, even things like heights) Just think of how good the positive outcome will be. The fear part is only focusing on the negative. You only need to retrain the way you think about it then you will respond better. I've used this technique before and it works!

Guys have to do this. Most are horrible with girls, but have got to walk up to a girl and start talking. Do the same thing. Walk up with your lunch tray and say "That's a really nice bracelet, where did you get it?" then when she responds say "Do you mind if I sit here?" like sitting with her is an afterthought. Not only will you get to sit there you will still have the jewelry as a topic of discussion and have made a new friend. If she instead responds negatively just smile like it doesn't bother you say "Well it's a really nice bracelet." and walk off. Don't make any rude comments.

You'll do fine.

[Perikles]

Does it help to know that other people can be shy as well? I have been painfully shy all my life, and nobody has really believed it. I was very unhappy at the age you are now, but shyness becomes less of a problem the older you get, so life can only get better.

[poli]

It's wonderful to have friends, but being alone can have its advantages too. It can make you a keen observer. If you don't ignore what's going around you, and you can sharpen your wits and develop your own opinions rather than opting to mass opinion that many teens are confortable conforming to.

[CrOtALiTo]

Originally Posted by Jessica

I don't have any friends. okay, I do, but they aren't my real friends. It's just that I'm so shy I don't talk to anyone and nobody wants to be my partner when you get to choose a partner for some project, and last year in one of my classes the majority of the projects that were assigned I worked alone, when everyone else had partners.

During lunch this year I sit alone and eat by myself, not that I care but sometimes I wish someone would sit with me and talk.

Everyone else have friends that they could talk to and get help and all that and I don't; I'm just too shy.

I would feel a twinge of jealousy whenever people give little gifts to their friends or cookies or whatever.

Both my brothers have friends and my little brother have friends that occasionally come over to my house. My older brother's friends don't do that, but this summer I see a lot of people really like him

I just feel so lonely (sometimes)

Jessica.

I can understand you.
But don't worry more by the reason that someday someone coming you someone with a clean interest to be your friend, the truly friend are they who are with you in the good situation or bad moments.

Not are those who only are in the party or the cinema with you, you have family and they are truly your family, your brother and sisters.

In the school only there's partners it's weir when you've a truly friend.
Then please don't worry for it, and you don't have a lone.

We are here with you although trough of a computer by all the days we are here.

[chileno]

Just be yourself and be as happy as you can be with what/who you have around you. Show interest in what others do.

Rest assure that eventually you will encounter great friends. It just happen. Don't even try to force you or others, but be available, and do not despair if it doesn't happen right away.

But most important of all. Be happy with yourself. That alone attracts people around you.

[JPablo]

Another aspect... is that "loneliness" is a theme where many creative artists have "splurged on it" creating beautiful poetry... I remembered Antonio Machado, he wrote,
Soledad,
sequedad.
Tan pobre me estoy quedando,
que ya ni siquiera estoy
conmigo, ni sé si voy
conmigo a solas viajando.

You can find the whole poem in the link included, (in case you want to practice your Spanish, as the poem has few words and/or expressions you'll have to check in the dictionary, or ask us about it...
http://es.wikisource.org/wiki/Otro_viaje_%28Machado%29

[CrOtALiTo]

Originally Posted by JPablo

Another aspect... is that "loneliness" is a theme where many creative artists have "splurged on it" creating beautiful poetry... I remembered Antonio Machado, he wrote,
Soledad,
sequedad.
Tan pobre me estoy quedando,
que ya ni siquiera estoy
conmigo, ni sé si voy
conmigo a solas viajando.

You can find the whole poem in the link included, (in case you want to practice your Spanish, as the poem has few words and/or expressions you'll have to check in the dictionary, or ask us about it...
http://es.wikisource.org/wiki/Otro_viaje_%28Machado%29

Then I'm so loneliness when my wife is upset herself.

[ookami]

Beautiful poem JPablo
Yesterday when I was reading this post, I opened one of the books I bought (an Eng. - Spa. book) and that tale started with some verse(or verses?). I think them go well with this post:

I go to search on many roads what is to be. My heart is true and strong and full of love. Will this not help me in the fight to order, shun or mould my destiny?

Voy a buscar en muchos caminos lo que será. Mi corazón es sincero y fuerte y está lleno de amor. ¿No me ayudará esto en mi lucha por ordenar, rehuir o moldear mi destino?

[irmamar]

You can see: everybody has given you beautiful words, you're not so alone. But you should do an effort to meet people in the real world, not in the web. I was really shy when I was a teenager, too, I couldn't make friends easily. But remember some advice: smile, always you must smile (not like a silly girl, of course ), but people like smiles . And ask the others about what you want to ask, but not very important things, just trivial things (just for starting); maybe you can ask your desk mate to do next project in the school or something like this. Don't talk about you, but about the one who you're talking to (the names, hobbies, etc.); later they'll ask you about yourself. You could try to enroll in some course out of the school, where mates don't know anybody. Try to speak to somebody, maybe there is somebody who doesn't have anybody to talk to.

And smile, sweet smiles break walls.

And a secret: the most beautiful compliment for a person is his/her name. Try to remember his/her name when you talk with somebody and tell him/her the name. OK, Jessica?

[JPablo]

@ Ookami, the poem you put here is also very good. (I liked the one from Poe... it's so intense, so vivid and so full of color and intensity of "perception"...)

@ Irma. Good advices...

@ Jessica, above all, be yourself and be interested more than interesting, you'll find out you can help others and others will help you... and have fun at it.

There is a nice song by Georges Moustaki (in French) which I like very much... It goes something like, "Pour avoir si souvent dormi avec ma solitude, je m'en suis fait presque une amie, une douce habitude... elle ne me quite pas d'en pas, fidele comme une ombre, elle m'a suivi c/a et lá, au quatre coins du monde... Non je ne suis jamais seule, avec ma solitude..."
Anyhow I just wrote it by memory, so my French spelling may be a bit off... but as an "excercise" with all the Spanish you know, you may be able to "decypher" it... if not, I can translate it for you... (or even find the YouTube version of the song)

[CrOtALiTo]

Originally Posted by irmamar

You can see: everybody has given you beautiful words, you're not so alone. But you should do an effort to meet people in the real world, not in the web. I was really shy when I was a teenager, too, I couldn't make friends easily. But remember some advice: smile, always you must smile (not like a silly girl, of course ), but people like smiles . And ask the others about what you want to ask, but not very important things, just trivial things (just for starting); maybe you can ask your desk mate to do next project in the school or something like this. Don't talk about you, but about the one who you're talking to (the names, hobbies, etc.); later they'll ask you about yourself. You could try to enroll in some course out of the school, where mates don't know anybody. Try to speak to somebody, maybe there is somebody who doesn't have anybody to talk to.

And smile, sweet smiles break walls.

And a secret: the most beautiful compliment for a person is his/her name. Try to remember his/her name when you talk with somebody and tell him/her the name. OK, Jessica?

I didn't read all your post.

But basically you are beautiful words for her.

[irmamar]

Originally Posted by CrOtALiTo

I didn't read all your post.

But basically you are beautiful words for her.

How do you know it if you didn't read it?

[ookami]

Originally Posted by irmamar

How do you know it if you didn't read it?

Are you mistrusting Crotalito The Great's guessing powers? How do you dare
(the 's has to be after Great or after Crotalito?)

[CrOtALiTo]

Originally Posted by irmamar

How do you know it if you didn't read it?

I have seen your post quickly.

And I'm quite agree with your commentary.

[Chris]

Usually we say "I skimmed your post." Or you can say "scanned over it" or just simply I scanned it.

[CrOtALiTo]

Ok then I scanned your post quickly.

[ookami]

Originally Posted by Chris

Usually we say "I skimmed your post." Or you can say "scanned over it" or just simply I scanned it.

and what about "I went over..." ?