Hilo de insultos / Insults thread

[Perikles]

I thought it might be useful to collect together some expressions of how to insult somebody with style. It is easy to be rude, but I would like some classy Spanish expressions to match some English ones I know:

Examples:

You have all the virtues which I despise, and none of the weaknesses I admire.

If your brains were gunpowder, you would not even be able to blow your nose.

[chileno]

Por lo mismo que me parece que voy a comenzar a hablarle a mi dedo...

[Caballero]

You have all the virtues which I despise, and none of the weaknesses I admire.

I must be very thick. I don't understand this one.

[Perikles]

Originally Posted by Caballero

I must be very thick. I don't understand this one.

It is rather obsure, I admit. It derives from Winston Churchill, criticising someone for being very virtuous, but extremely boring. (I think)

[aleCcowaN]

¿del tipo ese del de Susanita: "echemos a volar nuestra imaginación .... claro ... los que tengamos plafond"?

¿y qué de los groseros sin groserías como "llegó tarde al reparto de cerebros" o "se ve que le faltan algunos (caramelos al frasco/jugadores al equipo)"?

[Luna Azul]

Originally Posted by Perikles

I thought it might be useful to collect together some expressions of how to insult somebody with style. It is easy to be rude, but I would like some classy Spanish expressions to match some English ones I know:

Examples:

You have all the virtues which I despise, and none of the weaknesses I admire.

If your brains were gunpowder, you would not even be able to blow your nose.

Aaaah Sir Winston.. he has the funniest anecdotes.

And the great Mark Twain:

Congressman is the trivialist distinction for a full grown man.


What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.


It is a solemn thought: dead, the noblest man's meat is inferior to pork.

Twain hated Congress:

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.

...I never can think of Judas Iscariot without losing my temper. To my mind Judas Iscariot was nothing but a low, mean, premature, Congressman.

Uno en español: ¿Usted nació sin cerebro o se lo sacaron después?

[aleCcowaN]

Los políticos son como los libros de una biblioteca: los menos útiles están arriba de todo.

[Luna Azul]

¡Hola! Yo soy un ser humano, ¿y usted?

Todo el día pensé en ti…. Estuve en el zoológico.

Debes aprender de los errores de tus padres – Usa control natal.

**********

I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?

You started at the bottom...and it's been downhill ever since!

[CrOtALiTo]

You are an insect, you shouldn't to buy that car.

[Perikles]

Your daughter seems really nice. Is she adopted?

[aleCcowaN]

Si tienes un hermoso cabello rubio ¿por qué te tiñes las raíces de negro?

Son mezcla de gacela y de paloma: la que no corre, vuela.

Es un turista flexible: disfruta tanto del mar como de la montaña.

Anda como Napoleón: con una mano atrás y otra adelante.

Altura: 1,78; ojos: cafés; señas particulares: imbécil.

Es como la Venus de Milo: le faltan los brazos, pero la boca sí que la tiene.

[LibraryLady]

The more I think of you, the less I think of you.

[Perikles]

Originally Posted by LibraryLady

The more I think of you, the less I think of you.

That reminds me of:

You despise me, don't you?

If I gave you any thought, I probably would.

(Casablanca)

[aleCcowaN]

A couple that I learnt -including the cultural background- and had the chance to use:

(To people who is bragging about the difficult books they have to study):
-I'm sorry to tell you how it ends, but Sam eats the ham.

(To people who is worried about some fantastic menace, or conspiracy, or whatever, and claim that something must be done immediately):
-Destroy that egg! Today! Today!
Today I say!
Without delay!

I love learning languages

[Luna Azul]

You're the best at all you do - and all you do is make people hate you.

You must be from the shallow end of the gene pool.

Really mean one = You are like your mom. The only difference is she shaves and you don't.

Particularly funny one = You remind me of a toothache I once had. (ouch!)

******
Es imposible creer que el espermatozoide que lo creó a usted les haya ganado la carrera a los otros 250 millones.

I love this one = Usted tiene un complejo de inferioridad ….y es completamente justificado.

[Perikles]

Originally Posted by aleCcowaN

To people who is bragging ...
To people who is worried ...

I love learning languages

That's fortunate. somebody is always singular, people are always plural.

[AngelicaDeAlquezar]

@Perikles: Humphrey Bogart always had the best dialogs.


Para llamar a alguien idiota:
¿No te le habrás caído a tu mamá de bebé?
Seguramente te caíste de cabeza cuando eras chiquito.
¿Estás seguro de que no te faltó oxigenación al nacer?

[aleCcowaN]

[Acerca de un niño feo] ¡Qué grande se ha puesto la placenta!

[poli]

"That's the first time someone thought enough of you to call you a shark. If you were a good lawyer, you'd be flattered." (Arthur Bannister to George Grisby)

[Sancho Panther]

Lady Astor "Mr Churchill, you're drunk!"

Mr Churchill "Yes madam, and you are ugly...but tomorrow I'll be sober!".