Hilo de Chistes / Joke Thread

[vita32]

Originally Posted by chileno

The name.

Are you sure? Ok, I'm only kidding (joking about asking, are you sure?) You are right, muy bien

What about something that is below your status and yet looks down on you.

[chileno]

Originally Posted by vita32

Are you sure? Ok, I'm only kidding (joking about asking, are you sure?) You are right, muy bien

What about something that is below your status and yet looks down on you.

hmmm you got me with this last one...

[vita32]

Originally Posted by chileno

hmmm you got me with this last one...

You may ask me for a hint 3x.

[poli]

a giraffe?

[Perikles]

Entretanto.........:

A un hombre de unos 70 años le está entrevistando un periodista en plena calle. El hombre entrevistado se expresa del siguiente modo:
- Soy hijo de exiliados.
Hasta los 27 años y poco antes de la transición no puede volver a España por culpa de Franco.
A mi padre, pobrecito, no sabíamos ni dónde enterrarle.
Mi madre estuvo muchos años en silla de ruedas.
Ahora tengo 70 años.
Hace meses me sacaron el 30 % de un pulmón.
Mi mujer es inmigrante.
Tengo tres hijos con ella.
De los tres sólo trabaja una, la del medio,.... pero no cobra nada.
Todos, incluidos los nietos, viven de mi asignación.
La mayor se acaba de divorciar.
Mi yerno se daba a las drogas y al alcohol y la ha dejado con dos niños.
El pequeño de mis hijos aún no se ha ido de casa y además se ha casado con una divorciada y la ha traído a vivir con nosotros. Esa señora antes trabajaba, tenía muy buen puesto, pero desde que vino a mi casa ya no hace nada. Ahora tienen dos niñas que también viven bajo nuestro techo....y para colmo este año, con lo de la crisis, casi no nos hemos podido ir de vacaciones y si me apuras...... ni he podido celebrar que España ha ganado el Mundial.


- el periodista pone los ojos muy redondos y comenta:
-"Majestad, no creo que su situación sea tan mala"

[chileno]

Dame el presente, pretérito perfecto y el pretérito imperfecto del verbo caminar.

[vita32]

Originally Posted by poli

a giraffe?

Poli,
I believe that if there is a riddle marathon you would be the champion!

You'll guess the answer to this one very quickly:

Noisy when arriving, quiet when leavingwith very few exceptions.

Edit:
I apologize for not stating it clearly: It should say: Noisy when it arrives and quiet after it left with very few exceptions.
Sorry again (

[poli]

a bullet

a storm/thunderstorm

traffic

I guess a thunderstorm is best because sometimes it makes noise as it leaves, but a bullet can ricochet.

[vita32]

Originally Posted by poli

a bullet

a storm/thunderstorm

traffic

I guess a thunderstorm is best because sometimes it makes noise as it leaves, but a bullet can ricochet.

The bullet, I thought, is a close answer but the noise that is produced is aided by other things rather than coming from itself.

Traffic is always noisy or it will not be called traffic.

Thunderstorm, yes, it somewhat fit but there's still some noise produced after its over such as the dripping noise of water from roof tops and trees etc.

Poli, please note the edit on post #227, thanks

[chileno]

hmm...

Hey what about mine?

What's the present, past perfect and past imperfect of the verb "to walk" in Spanish?

[vita32]

Originally Posted by chileno

hmm...

Hey what about mine?

What's the present, past perfect and past imperfect of the verb "to walk" in Spanish?

I would answer it if I could use Tomisimo conjugation tablebut then that probably will be cheating and besides I would feel like I'm back in school taking a grammar exam.

[chileno]

Originally Posted by vita32

I would answer it if I could use Tomisimo conjugation tablebut then that probably will be cheating and besides I would feel like I'm back in school taking a grammar exam.

Do it and see what you come up with.

[vita32]

Presente: (yo) camino, tu caminas, el/ello/ella/usted,camina,nosotros caminamos, vosotros caminais, ellos/ellas caminan.

Preterito perfecto: yo caminaba, tu caminabas, ellos/ ellas caminaba, nosotros caminabamos, vosotros caminabais, ellos/ellas caminaban.

preterito imperfecto: yo caminé, tu caminaste, ello/ella caminó, nosotros caminaron,
vosotros caminiesteis, ellos/ellan caminén.

Mi palabra de honor: no me engañan. I did not review or look up verb conjugations so these are probably all mixed up.

[Perikles]

Originally Posted by vita32

Presente: (yo) camino, tu caminas, el/ello/ella/usted,camina,nosotros caminamos, vosotros caminais, ellos/ellas caminan.

Preterito perfecto imperfecto: yo caminaba, tu caminabas, ellos/ ellas caminaba, nosotros caminabamos, vosotros caminabais, ellos/ellas caminaban.

preterito imperfecto simple: yo caminé, tu caminaste, ello/ella caminó, nosotros caminaron,
vosotros caminiesteis, ellos/ellan caminén.

Mi palabra de honor: no me engañan. I did not review or look up verb conjugations so these are probably all mixed up.

Preterito perfecto: he caminado etc

so: camino he caminado caminaba

[vita32]

Originally Posted by Perikles

Preterito perfecto: he caminado etc

so: camino he caminado caminaba

Spanish verbs are all jumbled up in my brain, as I said before
Ok, this will be my assignment for this week, no reading or telling jokes/riddles until I have done my homework!!!

[chileno]

Here is what RAE has in its site for this:

Presente

camino
caminas / caminás
camina
caminamos
camináis / caminan
caminan

Pretérito perfecto simple o Pretérito

caminé
caminaste
caminó
caminamos
caminasteis / caminaron
caminaron

Pretérito imperfecto o Copretérito

caminaba
caminabas
caminaba
caminábamos
caminabais / caminaban
caminaban

The last I think it should be:

cojeaba
cojeabas
cojeaba
cojeábamos
cojeábais/cojean
cojean

[vita32]

Originally Posted by chileno

Here is what RAE has in its site for this:

Presente

camino
caminas / caminás
camina
caminamos
camináis / caminan
caminan

Pretérito perfecto simple o Pretérito

caminé
caminaste
caminó
caminamos
caminasteis / caminaron
caminaron

Pretérito imperfecto o Copretérito

caminaba
caminabas
caminaba
caminábamos
caminabais / caminaban
caminaban

The last I think it should be:

cojeaba
cojeabas
cojeaba
cojeábamos
cojeábais/cojean
cojean

Of course, you are kidding with the last one! After walking so much then it's possible to go limping the last mile.

Sabe baga san tagsadiri san sitio na yadi na guibohon na malinig an tataramon digde, tabi man.

[JPablo]

Wow! I was reading the last posts here and I was about to say "Is this a joke, or what?"

(Now I may have missed the meaning of the last "tagalog"? phrase... maybe explained in another post?)

It just reminded me the "gallegos" joke... maybe a bit "non-sequitur"... but here it goes in Spanish:

--¿Por qué los gallegos van en pandas de 19 al cine?
--Porque son películas para mayores de 18...

[vita32]

Originally Posted by JPablo

Wow! I was reading the last posts here and I was about to say "Is this a joke, or what?"

(Now I may have missed the meaning of the last "tagalog"? phrase... maybe explained in another post?)

It just reminded me the "gallegos" joke... maybe a bit "non-sequitur"... but here it goes in Spanish:

--¿Por qué los gallegos van en pandas de 19 al cine?
--Porque son películas para mayores de 18...

Is the last word that chileno conjugated has double meaning (good and bad)???Should it be avoided in polite/formal conversation? I'm trying to learn here, and therefore, I have to ask so I will know. Thanks.

The last word that Chileno conjugated is somewhat related to caminar but he deviated for some purpose. He implied it himself.

If it's tagalog, it can be translated on google, but it's not. It is my native dialect.

[chileno]

Originally Posted by vita32

If it's tagalog, it can be translated on google, but it's not. It is my native dialect.

It isn't tagalog, can you translate to tagalog or better to English?