Requesting a Critique....

[Feliz]

I'd like to get a critique of this note to someone. I have been learning mostly from Rosetta. Gracias.



¡Hola Maria! ¿Cómo estás hoy? Estoy escribiendo en mi computadora portátil en español esta mañana. Mi español es muy malo, lo sé, pero estoy estudiando y aprendiendo más cada día. Mi esposo está hablando en el teléfono y él dice ¡Hola! Mi nietos están a escuela. Nuestros perros están durmiendo debajo de mesa en el cocina. Los caballos están comiendo los flores en el jardín otra vez. Y mi carro es roto y en el garaje. Mi madre es en el hospital pero ella está mucho mucho mejor ahora. Eso es todo por ahora. Por favor escribe pronto. Tiene una bien día. Adiós.

Feliz

[irmamar]

Originally Posted by Feliz

I'd like to get a critique of this note to someone. I have been learning mostly from Rosetta. Gracias.



¡Hola Maria! ¿Cómo estás hoy? Estoy escribiendo en mi computadora portátil (1) en español esta mañana. Mi español es muy malo, lo sé, pero estoy estudiando y aprendiendo más cada día. Mi esposo está hablando en el por teléfono y él dice ¡Hola! Mi nietos están a en la escuela. Nuestros perros están durmiendo debajo de mesa en el de la cocina. Los caballos están comiendo los flores en el jardín otra vez. Y mi carro está roto y en el garaje. Mi madre está en el hospital pero ella está mucho mucho mejor ahora. Eso es todo por ahora. Por favor escribe pronto. Tiene una bien día Que tengas un buen día. Adiós.

Feliz

(1) Puedes decir "portátil", sin la palabra computadora.

Your Spanish is not so bad.

Eso sí, la letra un poco pequeña y yo no tengo mucha agudez visual.

[sosia]

seems good, a little "direct translation" but it's clear.
some changes

¡Hola Maria! ¿Cómo estás hoy? Estoy escribiendo en mi computadora portátil en español esta mañana. (No need to say "computadora". writing in a "portátil" must be a computer...) Mi español es muy malo, lo sé, pero estoy estudiando y aprendiendo más cada día. Mi esposo está hablando por el teléfono y él te dice ¡Hola! Mi nietos están a en la escuela. Nuestros perros están durmiendo debajo de mesa en el la cocina. Los caballos están comiendose las flores en del jardín otra vez. Y mi carro está roto y en el garaje. (I assume here "garage" is at home) Mi madre está en el hospital, pero ella está mucho mucho mejor ahora. Eso es todo por ahora. Por favor escribe pronto. Tiene una bien día. Que tengas un buen día. Adiós.


saludos

PD: "Hablar en el teléfono" / "hablar por el teléfono". I always use the last une. I don't know if in other countries it's more common to say the first one.

PDII ops, irma already answered..... some stylistic changes

[irmamar]

Don't worry, de lunes a martes... (tampoco veía mucho, soy cegata )

[Rusty]

mi nietos s/b mis nietos

[Feliz]

Originally Posted by irmamar

(1) Puedes decir "portátil", sin la palabra computadora.

Gracias Irmamar. That is good to know. Can I do the same for computadora sobremesa or ordenador sobremesa? I mean just use: sobremesa?

Muchas gracias, Irmamar. Thank you for pointing out all the mistakes. I have gone over every one and taken note. I need to edit a lot better. I can see that.

From this point on, I'm going to combine the posts from both you and Sosia. I hope that you don't mind. Your corrections are so similar. I thank you both for your scrutiny, I really appreciate it. :>)

Originally Posted by sosia

seems good, a little "direct translation" but it's clear.
some changes

Sosia, I am not clear about what you mean by "direct translation." Are my sentences awkward?

Mi esposo está hablando por el teléfono

My mistake, we say hablando por el teléfono or hablar por el teléfono as well.

y él te dice ¡Hola!

Irmamar y Sosia, I've got to stop using personal pronouns with this type of sentence structure. I'm just becoming acquainted with reflexive and direct object pronouns so I hope to have this under control soon. Thanks for bringing this to my attention.

Mis nietos están a en la escuela.

Irmamar o Sosia: Yes, the grandchildren are "in" the school, not "at" the school. If they were away at college, would a escuela be appropriate?

Los caballos están comiendose las flores en del jardín otra vez.

Sosia: Another editing mistake of mine: las flores. But the comiendose is in a future lesson plan that I am looking forward to understanding. I even like the way that it sounds already: "comiendose." Thanks.

Y mi carro está roto y en el garaje. (I assume here "garage" is at home)

Sosia: Another editing mistake: está. Yes, you assumed right, the garage is at home. If it were not, would garaje still be used and in the same manner? Mi madre está en el hospital, pero ella está mucho mucho mejor ahora.

Eso es todo por ahora. Por favor escribe pronto. Tiene una bien día. Que tengas un buen día. Adiós.

Another future lesson plan that I am looking forward to understanding--the future tenses. But I can already understand from your pointing it out here that Que tengas means "You have" (sometime in the future). And since día is a masculine noun, una and buena become un and buen instead. Very enlightening.

Muchas gracias, Irmamar and Sosia.

Originally Posted by Rusty

mi nietos s/b mis nietos

Thank you for pointing this out to me. Coincidentally, this morning I awoke saying to myself: "and the mi nientos should have been mis nientos." We must be on the same wavelength

[sosia]

Gracias Irmamar. That is good to know. Can I do the same for computadora sobremesa or ordenador sobremesa? I mean just use: sobremesa?
No, this time is the other way. You can use ordenador ó computadora and not sobremesa. Some time ago (10 years) all computers where "de sobremesa". Spanish......
Are my sentences awkward?
Not really, only two, but seems direct translations.
Mi esposo está hablando en el teléfono y él dice ¡Hola!
My husband it's at the phone and says ¡Hi!
usual: Mi marido está hablando por teléfono, te manda un saludo (he greets you, he send you a greeting)
Y mi carro es roto y en el garaje. And my car is broken and at the garage.
usual: Y mi coche está roto en el garaje.
the grandchildren are "in" the school, not "at" the school. If they were away at college, would a escuela be appropriate?
No, estarían en la guardería (Kindergarten), en el colegio (school) ó en la universidad (at the university)
If it were not, would garaje still be used and in the same manner? Garage it's usually at home, but in a broader meaning can be a repairing place (a mechanic, "un taller de reparación"): Since it's broken, can be both.

RAE: garaje.
(Del fr. garage).
1. m. Local destinado a guardar automóviles.
2. m. Taller de reparación de vehículos.
3. m. P. Rico. gasolinera (‖ establecimiento donde se vende gasolina).

if you say "Mi coche está limpio en el garaje" it's clear it's at home.
If you say "Mi coche está roto y lo he llevado al garaje/taller" it's not at home.

saludos

[Feliz]

Originally Posted by sosia

Gracias Irmamar. That is good to know. Can I do the same for computadora sobremesa or ordenador sobremesa? I mean just use: sobremesa?
No, this time is the other way. You can use ordenador ó computadora and not sobremesa. Some time ago (10 years) all computers where "de sobremesa". Spanish......
Are my sentences awkward?
Not really, only two, but seems direct translations.
Mi esposo está hablando en el teléfono y él dice ¡Hola!
My husband it's at the phone and says ¡Hi!
usual: Mi marido está hablando por teléfono, te manda un saludo (he greets you, he send you a greeting)
Y mi carro es roto y en el garaje. And my car is broken and at the garage.
usual: Y mi coche está roto en el garaje.
the grandchildren are "in" the school, not "at" the school. If they were away at college, would a escuela be appropriate?
No, estarían en la guardería (Kindergarten), en el colegio (school) ó en la universidad (at the university)
If it were not, would garaje still be used and in the same manner? Garage it's usually at home, but in a broader meaning can be a repairing place (a mechanic, "un taller de reparación"): Since it's broken, can be both.

if you say "Mi coche está limpio en el garaje" it's clear it's at home.
If you say "Mi coche está roto y lo he llevado al garaje/taller" it's not at home.

saludos

Sosia


Thank you for more detailed information. I don't believe that I have missed anything. If I have, please let me know. Muchas gracias.


Is this correct? A laptop computer in Spanish is portátil. A desktop computer in Spanish is computador, computadora, or ordenador because in the beginning there was only the desktop type of computer. I think what was confusing me is that sobremesa means the top-of-the-desk and therefore a desktop of sorts. Isn't that funny? So, if I say computador sobremesa or computadora sobremesa or ordenador sobremesa I am being redundant. I'm saying desk top (desktop) computer the way that Yo estoy in Yo estoy muy bien. is "sometimes" redundant and unnecessary. To think that I almost didn't ask this question. Hmm.


From my experience: Mi esposo hablando está por la telefóno. is Mexican Spanish. Mi marido hablando está por la telefóno is Latin American Spanish. I like to learn both whenever I can. Other word differences that come to mind are carro/coche, niño/chico, niña/chica.


I will memorize and use te manda un saludo to mean "he sends you a greeting" instead of y dice ¡Hola! I am looking forward to understanding the te part of this sentence fragment when I study the many other categories of pronouns that exist in Spanish grammar. :>)


I'm going to revise the sentence in the original paragraph about the car to read this way. Y mi carro está en nuestro garaje--roto. Until I understand more completely what you have written about the different types of garages.


I now understand: en la guardería; en el colegio; en la universidad. I won't be using the "at school" again.



¡Hola Maria! ¿Cómo estás hoy? Estoy escribiendo sobre mi portátil en español esta mañana. Mi español es muy malo, lo sé, pero estoy estudiando y aprendiendo más cada día. Mi marido está hablando por el teléfono y te manda un saludo. Mis nietos están en la escuela. Nuestros perros están durmiendo debajo de la mesa en nuestro cocina. Los caballos están comiendose las flores en del jardín otra vez. Y mi carro es en nuestro garaje--roto. Mi madre es en el hospital pero ella está mucho mucho mejor ahora. Eso es todo por ahora. Por favor escribe pronto. Que tengas un bien día. Adiós.


I don't know what my signature is going to be yet, but after this, I'm thinking about:
¡Levántate!--otra vez What a wonderful workout. Thank you very much. I would have never figured all of this out by myself.

[Feliz]

Hello Irmamar, Sosia, and Rusty. I have just learned how to upload an .mp3 file--I hope! If you hear this, please give me your opinion. I am reading words that we developed in this tread over the past 24 hours. I can speak them naturally, but they do sound different when they're "read" from a page. Thanks.

[Rusty]

Feliz, Spanish vowels and consonants seldom sound like the English ones, so you may want to focus on that. Then, try blending the words together, just like you do when speaking English.

Don't at all get discouraged. You're doing great for how long you've been studying!!!

I hope a native speaker will record their rendition of your letter.

[Feliz]

Rusty, Thank you for your critique of the sound file and for the encouragement.

That is a good idea you have of a native speak reading my letter--slowly.

I hope Irmamar and/or Sosia will be in a position to send a sound file of the letter.

[Rusty]

You're welcome. I hope so, too. There are several others who are set up for sound.

I just sent you a PM.

[irmamar]

I've just done, but with my Spanish accent. If you don't mind I've made a few changes in your text:

¡Hola, María! ¿Cómo estás hoy? Estoy escribiendo en español en mi portátil. Mi español es muy malo, lo sé, pero estoy estudiando y aprendiendo cada día más. Mi marido está hablando por teléfono y te manda un saludo. Mis nietos están en la escuela. Nuestros perros están durmiendo debajo de la mesa de la cocina. Los caballos están comiéndose las flores del jardín otra vez. Y mi carro (o mi coche) está en el garaje... estropeado. Mi madre está en el hospital, pero ahora está mucho, mucho mejor. Eso es todo por ahora. Por favor, escribe pronto. Que tengas un buen día. Adiós.


Oh, I can't! I've recorded it in wav format and I'm not able to change it. The maximum allowed is 97,7 KB and mine is 153 KB.



Send me a PM with your email and I'll try to send you it by this way.

[Feliz]

Originally Posted by irmamar

I've just done, but with my Spanish accent. If you don't mind I've made a few changes in your text:

¡Hola, María! ¿Cómo estás hoy? Estoy escribiendo en español en mi portátil. Mi español es muy malo, lo sé, pero estoy estudiando y aprendiendo cada día más. Mi marido está hablando por teléfono y te manda un saludo. Mis nietos están en la escuela. Nuestros perros están durmiendo debajo de la mesa de la cocina. Los caballos están comiéndose las flores del jardín otra vez. Y mi carro (o mi coche) está en el garaje... estropeado. Mi madre está en el hospital, pero ahora está mucho, mucho mejor. Eso es todo por ahora. Por favor, escribe pronto. Que tengas un buen día. Adiós.


Oh, I can't! I've recorded it in wav format and I'm not able to change it. The maximum allowed is 97,7 KB and mine is 153 KB.



Send me a PM with your email and I'll try to send you it by this way.

Hola, irmamar, Estoy noted los cinco changes que you have made to la letra. Está perfecto ahora. Tengo just sent you a PM con mi e-mail address y looking forward to receiving the .wav file con the correct pronunciations de las palabras en Español.

[irmamar]

Originally Posted by Feliz

Hola, irmamar, Estoy noted cinco changes que you have made to la letra. Es perfecto ahora. Tengo just sent you a PM con mi e-mail address y looking forward to receiving the .wav file con the correct pronunciations de la palabras en Español.

Estoy anotando los cinco cambios que has hecho al texto. Está perfecto ahora. Acabo de enviarte un MP con mi dirección de correo electrónico y estoy deseando recibir el fichero .wav con la pronunciación correcta de las palabras en español.

Mejor que en espanglish.

[AngelicaDeAlquezar]

@Feliz: I thought you might have fun listening to different accents and different ways of saying the same.

I changed a couple of words to make it sound more natural as a Mexican would say it. It's not that different from Irma's proposal though.

Hidden Text: Show/Hide

Click to show hidden text - Da click para revelar el texto oculto

Here's your letter "Mexican way", and some explanations to the changes I made:

¡Hola, María! ¿Cómo estás hoy? Estoy escribiendo en español en mi laptop(1). Mi español es muy malo, lo sé, pero estoy estudiando y aprendiendo cada día más. Mi marido está hablando por teléfono y te manda saludos(2). Mis nietos están en la escuela. Nuestros perros están durmiendo debajo de la mesa de la cocina y(3) los caballos se están comiendo las flores del jardín otra vez. Y mi carro(4) está en el taller(5)... descompuesto(6). Mi madre está en el hospital, pero ahora está mucho, mucho mejor. Eso es todo por ahora. Por favor, escribe pronto. Que tengas un buen día. Adiós.

1) For a Mexican, "mi portátil" doesn't mean much, although the meaning might be understood because of the context. We'd prefer to hear "mi computadora portátil". However, we usually say "laptop" (a desktop computer would be simply "computadora" or "computadora de escritorio").

2) We tend to say "saludos" in plural more than "un saludo"... I don't know why.

3) I added the conjunction to make it flow better, but your strategy to use short sentences is a right one while you learn more complex structures.

4) As Irma said, one can also say "mi coche". I preferred to keep "carro", to pronounce the "rr" sound.

5) Mexicans use a lot of foreign words, but not in this case. We never use "garaje". When we use it, it's with foreign spelling and sound "garage" (pronounced [garash]), and it only means the place in a house where the car is parked. You can also say "cochera", and everyone will understand. The place where a car is repaired by a mechanic is called "taller".

6) "Un coche roto" is a nonsense for us. One would think it's smashed into pieces. "Un coche estropeado" would be understood by context, but we don't use it. When it's damaged by a car crash, we say "un coche chocado" (thus "mi coche está chocado en el taller"). I used "descompuesto", since I assume the car has a mechanical damage. If your car is not functioning in your home garage, your sentence should be "mi coche está descompuesto en la cochera/en el garage").

[CrOtALiTo]

Completely the post has some many mistakes, for they are acceptable at least for me.
I have seen some many mistakes, for I'm not very sure if the mistakes are directly from a translator or if you have wrote the post completely..

You're going for the good road, please continue improving it.

[Feliz]

Originally Posted by AngelicaDeAlquezar

@Feliz: I thought you might have fun listening to different accents and different ways of saying the same.

I changed a couple of words to make it sound more natural as a Mexican would say it. It's not that different from Irma's proposal though.

Hidden Text: Show/Hide

Click to show hidden text - Da click para revelar el texto oculto

Here's your letter "Mexican way", and some explanations to the changes I made:



1) For a Mexican, "mi portátil" doesn't mean much, although the meaning might be understood because of the context. We'd prefer to hear "mi computadora portátil". However, we usually say "laptop" (a desktop computer would be simply "computadora" or "computadora de escritorio").

2) We tend to say "saludos" in plural more than "un saludo"... I don't know why.

3) I added the conjunction to make it flow better, but your strategy to use short sentences is a right one while you learn more complex structures.

4) As Irma said, one can also say "mi coche". I preferred to keep "carro", to pronounce the "rr" sound.

5) Mexicans use a lot of foreign words, but not in this case. We never use "garaje". When we use it, it's with foreign spelling and sound "garage" (pronounced [garash]), and it only means the place in a house where the car is parked. You can also say "cochera", and everyone will understand. The place where a car is repaired by a mechanic is called "taller".

6) "Un coche roto" is a nonsense for us. One would think it's smashed into pieces. "Un coche estropeado" would be understood by context, but we don't use it. When it's damaged by a car crash, we say "un coche chocado" (thus "mi coche está chocado en el taller"). I used "descompuesto", since I assume the car has a mechanical damage. If your car is not functioning in your home garage, your sentence should be "mi coche está descompuesto en la cochera/en el garage").

Angelica,

There is so much good stuff here I don't know where to begin. The sound file you provided is going to be very helpful to me. Of course I will have to use the pause/start buttons on my player a lot until I am able to speak more quickly. Your scrutiny of my e-mail to María makes a lot of sense to me and I will pay more attention to the regional differences of spoken and written Spanish from now on. I hope to improve my ability to communicate in Spanish with what you have suggested here. I greatly appreciate your input tonight. Gracias.

Originally Posted by CrOtALiTo

Completely the post has some many mistakes, for they are acceptable at least for me.
I have seen some many mistakes, for I'm not very sure if the mistakes are directly from a translator or if you have wrote the post completely..

You're going for the good road, please continue improving it.

Crotalito,

Thank you for letting me know your honest opinion. To answer your question, I didn't use a translator. I just sat down and wrote an e-mail to María about whatever came into my head in that moment. In English that is called "stream-of-consciousness" writing. If I had used Google translator it would have had fewer mistakes--haha. Yes, I will keep trying to improve my reading, writing, listening, and speaking Spanish and English. It seems to get better with time.

[CrOtALiTo]

Originally Posted by Feliz

Angelica,

There is so much good stuff here I don't know where to begin. The sound file you provided is going to be very helpful to me. Of course I will have to use the pause/start buttons on my player a lot until I am able to speak more quickly. Your scrutiny of my e-mail to María makes a lot of sense to me and I will pay more attention to the regional differences of spoken and written Spanish from now on. I hope to improve my ability to communicate in Spanish with what you have suggested here. I greatly appreciate your input tonight. Gracias.




Crotalito,

Thank you for letting me know your honest opinion. To answer your question, I didn't use a translator. I just sat down and wrote an e-mail to María about whatever came into my head in that moment. In English that is called "stream-of-consciousness" writing. If I had used Google translator it would have had fewer mistakes--haha. Yes, I will keep trying to improve my reading, writing, listening, and speaking Spanish and English. It seems to get better with time.

Don't worry man.

The honesty is the best sometimes, and really if you need help with Spanish, then please don't hesitate to ask me, because I will be grateful and proud to do it.

Sincerely yours.

[poli]

Another term for estropiado/descompuesto is averiado used by Caribbean
Spanish speakers. I would use no está funcionando, but I'm Anglo.