Narrative Essay

[Jessica]

Please check for any errors and give suggestions to make my essay better. I got a 30/30 on the Informative Essay, and I hope to get the same grade on this narrative essay.
Rough draft due tomorrow, final due Thursday.
Thank you for your help.
This is a true story.

After My First Surgery

I have never had surgery before, until nearly one year ago, near the end of February. This was when I had my first surgery ever, in my mouth. I had braces back then. The doctor said I had a tooth growing in my bottom gums, because I had no room for it to grow, and it was necessary to pull it out because I don’t need it. This was when I realized I had to have surgery to get it out. It was a frightening and painful experience for me.

As my mom drove me to the building where I would have the surgery, she told me to be brave and calm down when the doctors give me medicine that would make me fall asleep and feel no pain. When we finally arrived I tried not to shake with fear as I waited to for the surgery.

The doctors gave me comforting words as they prepared for it. I wondered how they would get the tooth out. Soon I knew nothing more.

When I woke up my mouth was numb. I felt no pain, because of the numbness. Mom was smiling at me, but I could see she was worried. She asked me how I felt, and I tried to answer her. My mouth, though, was so numb that I could barely talk. The doctors had put cloths in my mouth to stop the bleeding. That was one reason why I couldn’t talk, besides the numbness. Mom helped me get off the chair and walk out the door of the room. I was supposed to feel tired because of the medicine I got, but I wasn’t tired yet. I was trying to remember what happened while I was sleeping. How did they do the surgery? I wondered. My mom told me they used a knife. A knot formed in my stomach. It was a good thing I chose to take the sleeping medicine, even though it would cost a lot!

During that day I had school, but I was dismissed early. Mom told me that I should not go back to school. We went directly home. The cloths were beginning to feel uncomfortable, so Mom gave me new ones. When we came home I lay on the sofa. I felt tired, so I went to sleep. When I woke up I was thirsty. I tried to drink water but it hurt too much to drink in a normal way so I used a spoon to carefully pour a bit of water into my mouth.

I could not eat at all. I could barely open my mouth. As the numbness went away I felt the terrible pain.

At night I had trouble sleeping. Soon I developed a fever. Mom, worried, said it could be an infection. The doctors had said an infection could occur. The fever went away for a while. At school, I could barely talk. When I bent down to pick things up it was painful. I could not eat my lunch. I was able to drink normally, but I had to drink slow.

Over the weekend the fever came back. My mouth was hurting even more. Mom gave me medicine to relieve the pain and try to take away the fever. Every medicine was unsuccessful in making me better. One day, however, I was feeling somewhat better after taking a special Chinese pill. Eventually the pain in my mouth disappeared and I could eat normally again.

This was an experience I would remember for the rest of my life. It was tragic that I had to have this surgery. It was quite expensive. The surgery happened so fast I thought it took only a few minutes. I would never forget that I had my first surgery. None of my family members had surgery. Deep inside, I am proud of myself because I was brave and was the first to experience what surgery was like. It was not very vivid but it was quite influential.

[CrOtALiTo]

Hey. I can't to see very well the letters. Please I recommend you that change the font.

[Jessica]

oh sorry, I will.

[Rusty]

Originally Posted by jchen

After My First Surgery

I had never had surgery before, until nearly one year ago, near the end of February. This was when I had my first surgery ever, in my mouth. I had braces back then. The orthodontist? said I had a tooth pushing through my bottom gums, because there was no room for it to push upwards, and it was necessary to pull it out because I didn’t need it. This was when I realized I had to have surgery to get it out. It was a frightening and painful experience for me.

As my mom drove me to the building where I would have the surgery, she told me to be brave. When we finally arrived I tried not to shake with fear as I waited to for the surgery.

The endodontist? gave me medicine that would make me fall asleep and spoke comforting words to me as they prepared for surgery. I wondered how they would get the tooth out. Soon I knew nothing more.

When I woke up my mouth was numb. I felt no pain, because of the numbness. Mom was smiling at me, but I could see she was worried. She asked me how I felt, and I tried to answer her. My mouth, though, was so numb that I could barely talk, and the endodontist? had put cloths in my mouth to stop the bleeding. That was one reason why I couldn’t talk, besides the numbness. Mom helped me get off the chair and walk out the door of the room. I was supposed to feel tired because of the medicine I got, but I wasn’t tired yet. I was trying to remember what happened while I was sleeping. How did they do the surgery? I wondered. My mom told me they used a knife. A knot formed in my stomach. It was a good thing I chose to take the sleeping medicine, even though it would cost a lot!

During that day I had school, but I was dismissed early. (Why?) Mom told me that I should not go back to school, so we went directly home. When we got home, the cloths were beginning to feel uncomfortable, so Mom gave me new ones, and I laid on the sofa. I felt tired, so I went to sleep. When I woke up I was thirsty. I tried to drink water but it hurt too much to drink in a normal way so I used a spoon to carefully pour a bit of water into my mouth.

I could not eat at all. I could barely open my mouth. As the numbness went away I felt the terrible pain.

At night I had trouble sleeping. Soon I developed a fever. Mom, worried, said it could be an infection. The endodontist? had said an infection could occur. The fever went away in a while, and I was able to sleep.

The next day, at school, I could barely talk. When I bent down to pick things up it was painful. I could not eat my lunch. I was able to drink normally, but I had to drink slow.

Over the weekend the fever came back. My mouth was hurting even more. Mom gave me medicine to relieve the pain and try to take away the fever. Every medicine was unsuccessful in making me better. One day, however, I was feeling somewhat better after taking a special Chinese pill. Eventually the pain in my mouth disappeared and I could eat normally again.

This was an experience I would remember for the rest of my life. It was tragic that I had to have this surgery because it was quite expensive. The surgery happened so fast I thought it took only a few minutes. I would never forget that I had my first surgery. None of my family members have had surgery. Deep inside, I am proud of myself because I was brave and was the first to experience what surgery was like. It was not very vivid but it was quite influential. (The closing statement needs work.)

Suggestions above.

[Jessica]

I will keep these errors in mind when I do my final copy.

Thank you for your help

[shanerm09]

I like your essay because it was well discuss. I think it is easy to write an essay about your personal because you can explain it easily. But with your surgery, it was something hard, I think. Thank you for your essay.