Hilo de Chistes / Joke Thread

[Elaina]

Johnny went to the dr's office, went to the nurse's station and she asked what he had. "Shingles", he said. Nurse told him to have a seat and the MA would call him in a minute.
15 mins later the MA called him, asked him what he had, "Shingles", he said. Took his bp, temp and his weight. Told him to take a seat and the PA would be with him shortly. 30 mins later another PA (physician's asst) came in and asked him what he had, "Shingles" he said. Told him to undress completely and have a seat. The dr would be in momentarily. 10 mins later the doctor came in and there sat Johnny, butt naked, waiting for him.
The dr asked him what he had, "Shingles", Johnny said. The doctor asked, "where?"......poor Johnny said......"Out in the truck, I just want to know where I should put them".

[chileno]

[CrOtALiTo]

Hello.

The joke was truly very funny.

Thank you for make me laugh me a little today.

[pinosilano]

Originally Posted by Elaina

"Shingles", ......"Out in the truck, I just want to know where I should put them".

[Perikles]

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day,then eat regularly again for 2 days then skip a day ...... And repeat this procedure for the 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.'
When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60lbs!
'Why, that's amazing!' the doctor said, 'Did you only follow my instructions?'
The Irishman nodded ...
'I'll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day.'
'From the hunger, you mean?' asked the doctor.
'No, from the ***** skipping

[to skip: saltarse (comida) / saltar a la cuerda]

[sosia]

Originally Posted by Perikles

'No, from the ***** skipping

[to skip: saltarse (comida) / saltar a la cuerda]

Si hubiese saltado tanto a al cuerda , respondería así

[chileno]

Originally Posted by sosia

Si hubiese saltado tanto a al cuerda , respondería así

Pero sató un par de días completos...

[Elaina]

[Elaina]

I hope you can get this one...........


Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when,
through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow
and sensual striptease in front of an old green John Deere.

Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently
slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed
by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a
classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his
hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt. Then,
grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal
his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he
tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap
onto a pile of hay.

Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the
heck're ya doing, Billy Bob?"

"Good Lord, Cletus, ya scared the bejeezers out of me," says
an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob.

"But me 'n the Ol' Lady been havin trouble lately in the
bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do
something sexy to a tractor."

[wrholt]

Originally Posted by elaina

i hope you can get this one...........


... And the therapist suggested i do
something sexy to a tractor."

Groan!!!

[Apalánter]

Originally Posted by wrholt

Groan!!!

Yes, I know, isn't that so funny!

[aleCcowaN]

Espero que a este Billy Bob no le haya pasado lo que a un paisano que también tenía problemas matrimoniales pero resultó al final que la esposa estaba muerta: la vida de pareja era la misma, pero comenzó a sospechar el día que se dio cuenta de que los platos se le iban acumulando en el fregadero.

[chileno]

[Perikles]

Have I already posted this one?

[pjt33]

Originally Posted by Perikles

Have I already posted this one?

I think so.

[aleCcowaN]

that was a classic, like ours with a drunk French sailor getting thrashed for replying "yo no compro pan" when caught peeing on flour sacks .

Is there a type of joke in English like our "era tan..." or "era tal"? I mean:

Era tan amable que dejaba pasar todas las oportunidades.
Era tan bajito que un día, deprimido, quiso colgarse de un bonsái.
Era tan virtuosa que practicaba el celibato con gran moderación.
Era tal el estreñimiento que en lugar de comprar una lavativa tuvo que ir a buscar un exorcista.
Era tal el caos que los pájaros le disparaban a las escopetas.

[pjt33]

Originally Posted by aleCcowaN

that was a classic, like ours with a drunk French sailor getting thrashed for replying "yo no compro pan" when caught peeing on flour sacks .

Is there a type of joke in English like our "era tan..." or "era tal"? I mean:

Era tan amable que dejaba pasar todas las oportunidades.
Era tan bajito que un día, deprimido, quiso colgarse de un bonsái.
Era tan virtuosa que practicaba el celibato con gran moderación.
Era tal el estreñimiento que en lugar de comprar una lavativa tuvo que ir a buscar un exorcista.
Era tal el caos que los pájaros le disparaban a las escopetas.

In Soviet Russia? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yakov_S...ssian_reversal

[aleCcowaN]

Originally Posted by pjt33

In Soviet Russia? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yakov_S...ssian_reversal

Thank you for that (we have our own collections in the "¿en qué se parecen ...?" jokes, where reversal is used to match disparage things instead of contrasting them)

Beginning about 0:02:25, at 0:02:50 there's a joke that instantly got me laughing bone-crashingly, but just a few in the public got it immediately -I think most of them didn't get it at all, including the presenter and the fellow voice over actor-. That was the my closest experience in English to what we consider to be the best in our typical humour, at least in my corner of the world. Any opinion from either side of the pond?

[Perikles]

The joke you refer to has something to do with the cartoon image, which is so fuzzy I can't see what is going on. So I'm not sure how funny the joke it.

The whole thing is hilarious though.

[aleCcowaN]

Originally Posted by Perikles

The joke you refer to has something to do with the cartoon image, which is so fuzzy I can't see what is going on. So I'm not sure how funny the joke it.

The whole thing is hilarious though.

The joke doesn't relate with the cartoon images. It could even have being on the radio as it suffices with being familiar with the looks of the character. The video was banned many times because Fox wouldn't allow it, no matter the cartoon clips are not intended to show nothing, just to hide the looks of the real voice-over artists behind the looks of the characters they give their voices. Some clips with voice were used in the edition to articulate scenes. So they blurred the clips to avoid Fox claims -Bravo seems to be cool with it- but the experience is still similar to that originally intended.

The joke has to do with the intelligent dialogue and the brilliant quips of pretty much an improv and a fantastic retort that includes a theory that explains more hair features than just colour. Chapeau!