Hilo de Chistes / Joke Thread

[caliber1]

A guy goes on a police ride-a-long with a cop and the cop explains that within a mile of following a car that he can find any reason to pull someone over. The cop says, "I'll show ya". They start to follow someone and mile after mile, the car is driving perfectly without making even the slightest error. The cop is stunned and says, "I have to pull this guy over just to say how well he's driving".

He pulls the car over and goes to the driver's window and immediately begins to apologize for the inconvenience and explains how impressed he is with the driver's attention to the road. The driver looks up at the police officer and says, "well officer, you have to be extra careful when you're drunk".

[chileno]

Originally Posted by caliber1

A guy goes on a police ride-a-long with a cop and the cop explains that within a mile of following a car that he can find any reason to pull someone over. The cop says, "I'll show ya". They start to follow someone and mile after mile, the car is driving perfectly without making even the slightest error. The cop is stunned and says, "I have to pull this guy over just to say how well he's driving".

He pulls the car over and goes to the driver's window and immediately begins to apologize for the inconvenience and explains how impressed he is with the driver's attention to the road. The driver looks up at the police officer and says, "well officer, you have to be extra careful when you're drunk".

How can anyone argue with that?

[caliber1]

This is a question about a joke I was told, but I don't remember everything so I'm hoping someone knows it and can share it with us. A new lately started at work and I've been talking to her because she doesn't speak much English . . . and apparently I don't comprehen Spanish that well or something

She started a joke out of the blue talking about, "un benado que vive más que un pato". Then she said something about , "el pato cae al suelo". It caught me off guard and she was talking really fast. Anyone know what she was telling me

[Glen]

A novice took his kayak out on the lake one cold winter day. To try to keep warm, he lit a portable stove he had brought along. Somehow it got away from him and burned a hole in the bottom, which just goes to show

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You can't have your kayak and heat it too.

[chileno]

El teléfono suena a las 2 de la mañana:

- La familia Silva?

-No estúpido, la familia duerme!

[caliber1]

Originally Posted by chileno

El teléfono suena a las 2 de la mañana:

- La familia Silva?

-No estúpido, la familia duerme!

Very nice

[caliber1]

Originally Posted by chileno

El teléfono suena a las 2 de la mañana:

- La familia Silva?

-No estúpido, la familia duerme!

No, la familia chifla

[chileno]

Originally Posted by caliber1

No, la familia chifla

That's nice.

[JPablo]

Un andaluz pregunta: (grafía de la "c" = "s")
- ¿Cómo se dise "edifisio" en catalán?"
- Edifisi.
- Sí, ya sé que e(s) difísi(l). Por eso lo pregunto.

[chileno]

[vita32]

Chico #1: ¿Qué fue primero el huevo o la gallina?
Chico #2: No importa cuál fue primero!
Chico #1: ¿Por qué?

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Chico #2: Porque ambos terminan en el mismo lugar......la sartén!

[Esppiral]

Dos hombres que se encuentran en la calle:

- Perdone, ¿la calle Saboya?
- Hombre, si salta usted muy fuerte ....



Otro,

¿Que tienen en común la prima de riesgo y el nieto del rey?

Que los dos se disparan xD

[JPablo]

¡¡Juas-juás!!

Al teléfono:

-¿Está Conchita?
-Toma, y con Tarzán.

-¿Está Consuelo?
-Toma, y con techo y paredes también.

-¿Está Agustín?
-Toma, claro, estoy en la cama.

[chileno]

[JPablo]

- ¿Cómo se dice me he muerto en inglés?
- Memory.

[Elaina]

[JPablo]

- ¿Es usted un poco sordo?
- ¿Qué dice?
- Que si... ¿es usted un poco SORDO?
- ¿QUÉ DICE?
- ¡QUE ES USTED UN POCO SORDO!
- Sí, pero ya me estoy poniendo a dieta.

[aleCcowaN]

Is there something like chistontos in English? Here some in different categories, with themes recognizable in the English speaking countries

Parallel lives:

Peugeot hecha humo, y Renault ... fuego.
Tyra ama Los Ángeles, y Whitney ... Houston
Ben mira HBO, y Michael ... Fox

Signed:

Mi novio es una bestia
-La bella

Es mejor dar que recibir
-Andre Ward

¡Estoy hecho pedazos!
-Frankestein

Hazards of biotechnology:

¿Qué sale de cruzar serpiente con puerco espín? ¡Alambre de púas!
¿Qué sale si cruzas anguila con luciérnaga? ¡Tubos fluorescentes!
¿Qué sale si cruzas avestruz con burro? ¡Plumeros de mango grande!

[pjt33]

Originally Posted by aleCcowaN

Signed:

Hay varios de estos en cada edición de la revista satírica Private Eye. La mayoría son fatales. Unos ejemplos de una copia que tengo en mi caja de periódicos viejos para cuando me mude de casa y necesito empaquetar las cosas:

So the hose pipe ban is now in force, but we're actually not too worried about the drought.
-- SHIRLEY LOTSA, RAY NEE-DAZE, A. HEAD

Although English is not my first language I always 'get' the pseudo names instantly.
-- S.P.D. GONZALES

Originally Posted by aleCcowaN

¿Qué sale de cruzar ...?

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?
A woolly jumper.*


* This may need explaining to the en-us speakers. In en-gb, a jumper is what you call a sweater.

[aleCcowaN]

Originally Posted by pjt33

So the hose pipe ban is now in force, but we're actually not too worried about the drought.
-- SHIRLEY LOTSA, RAY NEE-DAZE, A. HEAD

Although English is not my first language I always 'get' the pseudo names instantly.
-- S.P.D. GONZALES

Gracias por eso. Sí, son fatales, pero los queremos para aprender idiomas. El segundo era obvio pero tardé unos instantes en entender el primero.

Originally Posted by pjt33

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?
A woolly jumper.*

Este me hizo acordar de:

¿Qué se logra de cruzar elefante con canguro? ¡Una Australia llena de baches!