Estaba oscuro ...

[Liquinn3]

Estaba oscuro, oscuro, oscuro, oscuro, muy oscuro. Tomé control de mis pensamientos y mente con un gran esfuerzo, que me dejó temblando. Como otras veces estaba en sueños, esperé algunos segundos – no lo sé, pasó algo y me volví a ir. Escuché algo, una granulada sombría figura de dos dimensiones formada en frente de mí. Mierda.

Are there any mistakes/errors? Thanks to all.

[Rusty]

Please provide us with an English version (and perhaps another version in Spanish).
I have no idea what you're trying to say in places.

Thanks!

[Liquinn3]

Originally Posted by Rusty

Please provide us with an English version (and perhaps another version in Spanish).
I have no idea what you're trying to say in places.

Thanks!

Here's the Spanish version - I couldn't update the first post.

Estaba oscuro. Tomé control de mis pensamientos y mente con un gran esfuerzo, que me dejó temblando. Como otras veces estaba en sueños, esperé algunos segundos – no lo sé, pasó algo y me volví a ir. Escuché algo, una granulada sombría figura de dos dimensiones formada en frente de mí.

English version:
It was dark. I took control of my thoughts and mind with a great effort, which left me shaking. As in the past was in a dream, I waited a few seconds - I do not know, something happened and I turned to go. I heard something, a dark grainy two-dimensional figure formed in front of me.

Thanks for your help.

Odd, I can't seem to edit the first post.

[Rusty]

Originally Posted by Liquinn3

Estaba oscuro. Tomé control de mis pensamientos y mente con un gran esfuerzo, que me dejó temblando. Como (I would insert a preposition here - "as at other times") otras veces estaba en sueños. (try "I was dreaming" instead of 'estaba en sueños') esperé algunos segundos – no lo sé (seems like an incomplete idea to me - did you mean "I don't know how long"?), (unsure if that last thought was finished or it goes with what follows, so I'm unsure how to punctuate) pasó algo y me volví a ir. Escuché algo, (look below for my comments about what follows) una granulada sombría figura de dos dimensiones formada en frente de mí.

English version:
It was dark. I took control of my thoughts and mind with a great effort, which left me shaking. As in the past, I was in a dream. I waited a few seconds - I do not know, something happened and I turned to go. I heard something, a dark, grainy, two-dimensional figure formed in front of me.
...

Odd, I can't seem to edit the first post.

You may only return to edit a previous post within the first 24 hours after posting it.

I added some wording and punctuation to your English version.

With the help of the English version, I can now give you some hints about how your last sentence can be improved.
Spanish doesn't have the same set order that English has for adjectives. The commas I added are mandatory in English. If I were to translate your words into Spanish, I would use the following transliteration: "a figure dark and grainy of two dimensions materialized/appeared in front of me"

In your version, you didn't use a verb (formada isn't a verb). In my version, I substituted materialize or appear for the verb.

[Liquinn3]

Originally Posted by Liquinn3

Here's the Spanish version - I couldn't update the first post.

Estaba oscuro. Tomé control de mis pensamientos y mente con un gran esfuerzo, que me dejó temblando. Como otras veces estaba en sueños, esperé algunos segundos – no lo sé, pasó algo y me volví a ir. Escuché algo, una granulada sombría figura de dos dimensiones formada en frente de mí.

English version:
It was dark. I took control of my thoughts and mind with a great effort, which left me shaking. As in the past was in a dream, I waited a few seconds - I do not know, something happened and I turned to go. I heard something, a dark grainy two-dimensional figure formed in front of me.

Thanks for your help.

Odd, I can't seem to edit the first post.

Originally Posted by Rusty

You may only return to edit a previous post within the first 24 hours after posting it.

I added some wording and punctuation to your English version.

With the help of the English version, I can now give you some hints about how your last sentence can be improved.
Spanish doesn't have the same set order that English has for adjectives. The commas I added are mandatory in English. If I were to translate your words into Spanish, I would use the following transliteration: "a figure dark and grainy of two dimensions materialized/appeared in front of me"

In your version, you didn't use a verb (formada isn't a verb). In my version, I substituted materialize or appear for the verb.

Thanks for the help, will have the corrections posted up shortly. Saludos.

Estaba oscuro. Tomé control de mis pensamientos y mente con gran esfuerzo, que me dejó temblando. Como en otras veces estaba soñando, esperé algunos segundos – no lo sé. Pasó algo y me volví a ir. Escuché algo, una granulada sombría figura de dos dimensiones aparecido frente de mí.

What do I need to change now? Thanks.

[Rusty]

Punctuation, and the last sentence. Use the transliteration I gave you.

[Liquinn3]

Originally Posted by Rusty

Punctuation, and the last sentence. Use the transliteration I gave you.

""una figura oscura de dos dimensiones aparecido en frente de mí."

That right?

[Rusty]

Much better. I'm not certain 'grainy' is the best English word, so it may not be the best Spanish word, either.

[Liquinn3]

Originally Posted by Rusty

Much better. I'm not certain 'grainy' is the best English word, so it may not be the best Spanish word, either.

Estaba oscuro. Tomé control de mis pensamientos y mente con gran esfuerzo, que me dejó temblando. Como en otras veces estaba soñando, esperé algunos segundos – no lo sé. Pasó algo y me volví a ir. Escuché algo, una sombría figura de dos dimensiones aparecido en frente de mí.

Anything else need changing? Thanks. :P

Should I translate this?

"I was trying, slowly, to move on. But it hurt. And I felt stupid. So stupid. So for now I was happy to be on my own. If nothing else it meant as few people as possible got wind of my idiocy. There was no immediate reply – and one wasn’t really needed – so finally I put my phone aside, buckled my seat belt and began the drive home. By the time I got back I had two messages waiting for me."

[Rusty]

You still haven't corrected the punctuation. Look back at my corrections (look for greyed-out and red text).
Leave 'figura oscura' alone. 'Sombría figura' is incorrect.
I just noticed that you still don't have a verb in the second portion of the last sentence.
'Aparecido' is not a verb.

I wouldn't translate something entirely different in this thread. Start another one up.

[Liquinn3]

Estaba oscuro. Tomé control de mis pensamientos y mente con gran esfuerzo, que me dejó temblando. Como en otras veces estaba soñando. Esperé algunos segundos – no lo sé. Pasó algo y me volví a ir. Escuché algo, una figura oscura de dos dimensiones aparecióen frente de mí.

This OK?

[Rusty]

Better. Have a look at the verb and the word that should be following it.

[Liquinn3]

Originally Posted by Rusty

Better. Have a look at the verb and the word that should be following it.

"Escuché algo, una figura oscura de dos dimensiones aparecióen frente de mí."

Is this correct? Does the verb need changing?

[Rusty]

Where's the verb you're talking about?

[Liquinn3]

Originally Posted by Rusty

Where's the verb you're talking about?

"dimensiones apareció era enfrente de mí.""

That correct? I hope...

I'm not sure what verb needs adding.

[Rusty]

You saw and fixed the problem with the concatenation of two words.
And, you created another concatenation during the process.

Lucky for you, both enfrente and en frente are accepted spellings. You used to have delante de, which also worked.

[Liquinn3]

Originally Posted by Rusty

You saw and fixed the problem with the concatenation of two words.
And, you created another concatenation during the process.

Lucky for you, both enfrente and en frente are accepted spellings. You used to have delante de, which also worked.

"dimensiones apareció era en frente de mí."

Is this correct? Saludos.

[Rusty]

No, nothing was wrong with the sentence the last time you posted it.

You're trying to write "appeared in front of me". That is what you had after you separated the verb and the preposition. They were connected.

[Liquinn3]

Originally Posted by Rusty

No, nothing was wrong with the sentence the last time you posted it.

You're trying to write "appeared in front of me". That is what you had after you separated the verb and the preposition. They were connected.

"Escuché algo, una figura oscura de dos dimensiones apareció y era frente de mí."

That looks correct, saludos.

[Rusty]

Originally Posted by Liquinn3

"dimensiones apareció era enfrente de mí.""

That looks correct to me though.

You can't have two conjugated verbs in the same phrase. Does 'appeared was' make sense in English? Remove 'was'.