Hilo de Chistes / Joke Thread

[chileno]

Funny!

[Glen]

At a fancy restaurant a man is denied entrance because he is not wearing a tie. Leaving in a huff, he goes out to his car and gets a pair of jumper cables from the trunk. Tying them around his neck, he returns to the restaurant, where this time he is told "Alright sir, you can come in now. Just don't start anything."

[vita32]

Originally Posted by Glen

At a fancy restaurant a man is denied entrance because he is not wearing a tie. Leaving in a huff, he goes out to his car and gets a pair of jumper cables from the trunk. Tying them around his neck, he returns to the restaurant, where this time he is told "Alright sir, you can come in now. Just don't start anything."

[vita32]

Hombre 1: ¿Qué se la diferencia por entre un caballero de ayer y caballero de hoy?
Hombre 2: ¡No hay caballeros hoy!
Hombre 1: ¡¿Porqué?!

Hombre 2: !Solamente hay choferes hoy!

[caliber1]

Forgive my lame attempt at this joke. I would appreciate someone correcting it . I understood the joke today, I just can't remember how to say it exactly, but you'll get the point

Person 1: ¿Qué haces si tienes dos alas?

Person 2:

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(Yo) Quiero vender una y comprar sillas y mesa para la otra

[AngelicaDeAlquezar]

Originally Posted by vita32

Hombre 1: ¿Qué Cuál se es la diferencia por (check twice every time you want to follow one preposition with another; they go seldom together) entre un caballero de ayer y un caballero de hoy?
Hombre 2: ¡No hay caballeros hoy!
Hombre 1: ¡¿Porqué Por qué?!

Hombre 2: ¡Solamente hay choferes hoy!

@Vita: Nice job!


@BJ:
Avoid the use of "(yo)"; here in the forums, we usually write it in corrections to underline that despite the fact that using the pronoun is not exactly wrong, it can be ellided, and most of the times sentences sound better without it.

[caliber1]

@BJ:
Avoid the use of "(yo)"; here in the forums, we usually write it in corrections to underline that despite the fact that using the pronoun is not exactly wrong, it can be ellided, and most of the times sentences sound better without it.

Thanks Angelica! Other than that did I write the joke correctly?

[vita32]

Originally Posted by AngelicaDeAlquezar

@Vita: Nice job!

Gracias por sus apoyo y correcciones. Estoy no aprendo preposiciones todavía. Estudio verbos todavía.

[Rusty]

Originally Posted by vita32

Gracias por tu apoyo y correcciones. Estoy No he aprendido las preposiciones todavía. Aún estudio los verbos todavía.

Some corrections.

If you reverse 'apoyo y correcciones', then 'tu' becomes 'tus' to agree with the adjective that is closest. And here in the forums nos tratamos de tú.

[vita32]

Originally Posted by Rusty

Some corrections.

If you reverse 'apoyo y correcciones', then 'tu' becomes 'tus' to agree with the adjective that is closest. And here in the forums nos tratamos de tú.

Gracias. ¿Por qué no tratamos de tú en los foros?

[Rusty]

Originally Posted by vita32

¿Por qué nos tratamos de tú en los foros?

Nos tratamos de tú porque somos amigos.

[vita32]

Originally Posted by Rusty

Nos tratamos de tú porque somos amigos.

En otras palabras, nos movemos de tú porque somos amigos y somos personas amicables.

[Glen]

A notoriously hot-tempered man somehow got to be a Little League baseball umpire. One day he made a series of particularly bad calls against the batters from his own son's team, and got into several arguments with parents. Later that night, he tried to make amends with his son and asked the boy to come sit on his lap. Why did his son refuse?

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Because the son never sets on the brutish umpire!

[vita32]

Originally Posted by Glen

A notoriously hot-tempered man somehow got to be a Little League baseball umpire. One day he made a series of particularly bad calls against the batters from his own son's team, and got into several arguments with parents. Later that night, he tried to make amends with his son and asked the boy to come sit on his lap. Why did his son refuse?

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Because the son never sets on the brutish umpire!

[chileno]

- Jaimito, pregunta la maestra, dígame cuál es el tiempo verbal de esta frase: ¡Esto no debería haber pasado!

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- ¡Preservativo imperfecto, señorita!

[vita32]

Older boy talking to his younger brother: What is a lunatic?

Younger brother: It is someone who lives alone in the attic! Lone-attic!


¡Ayy! Recibí noticias con globos para mi cinco cientos postes. Muchas gracias, Tomisimo.

[CrOtALiTo]

Originally Posted by vita32

Older boy talking to his younger brother: What is a lunatic?

Younger brother: It is someone who lives alone in the attic! Lone-attic!


¡Ayy! Recibí noticias con globos para mi cinco cientos postes. Muchas gracias, Tomisimo.

I admire your joke hahahha.

Thank you for the moment.

[Elaina]

Originally Posted by chileno

- Jaimito, pregunta la maestra, dígame cuál es el tiempo verbal de esta frase: ¡Esto no debería haber pasado!

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- ¡Preservativo imperfecto, señorita!

[Perikles]

With apologies, and it's difficult.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been... "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person
A final thought -" Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC."

[chileno]