Joke

[Tomisimo]

A friend just sent this to me.

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.
A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello."

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price, I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .....the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It is really a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....

Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

[HAOLE BOY]

Cute. I have heard that one before. If you have any you can translate into Spanish, I would like to use them...

[sosia]

Juan está en el centro de una gran ciudad dando vueltas y más vueltas intentando aparcar su coche.
Da una vuelta, espera, va un poco más lejos, espera, da otra vuelta....
Nada...
Desesperado, levanta la vista al cielo y dice: "Señor, si me encuentras un hueco para aparcar en cinco minutos, te prometo rezarte mucho, ser una buena persona, y...¡hasta daría limosna a los pobres!".

Entonces, de forma milagrosa, queda libre una plaza de parking justo delante de su coche.

Juan, emocionado, mira al cielo y dice:

"¡¡Señor, Oh Señor!! ¡No busques más que ya he encontrado yo una!!"

[HAOLE BOY]

Thanks, Sosia. I've heard that one in English before and I love it!

[sosia]

It's only a category, nothing personal with blondes

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Una rubia se dirige a su buzon, abre la puerta, mira dentro, cierra la puerta y se mete a casa. Minutos mas tarde, sale de su casa, se dirige a su buzon, abre la puerta, mira dentro, cierra la puerta y se mete a casa.
La rubia repite la operacion varias veces hasta que un vecino que la ha estado observando se acerca a ella y le dice:
- Debes esperar una carta o un paquete muy importante hoy,verdad?
La rubia le responde :
- No, pero es que el ordenador no para de decirme que he recibido correo.

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Dos morenas y una rubia estan invitadas a casa de un rey del petroleo en Texas. Las tres se pierden y llegan con retraso a casa del americano.
Al excusarse la primera morena dice :
Morena 1 : "Sorry, I'm late..."
Morena 2 : "Sorry, I'm late too..."
Rubia : "Sorry, I'm late three..."

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Una rubia se presenta a una entrevista de trabajo.
El jefe le pregunta:
- Diplomada?
- Plomada.

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Porque una rubia anda por la bañera mientras se lava el pelo??
Porque utiliza el champu "Wash and go"

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Dos rubias se van al bosque a busca un pino para Navidad.
Despues de dos horas de busqueda, una le dice a la otra :
- Bueno, ya es suficiente! El proximo pino que veamos lo cogemos, tenga o no tenga bolas de Navidad!

[Tomisimo]

Aquí les va otro:

Un hombre habla con Dios.

HOMBRE: "¿Qué tan largo son un millón de años?"
DIOS: "Para mí es como un minuto"
HOMBRE: "Dios ¿Cuánto es un millón de dólares?"
DIOS: "Para mí es como un centavito."
HOMBRE: "Dios, ¿Me regalas un centavo?"
DIOS: "Espérame un minuto."

[Tomisimo]

Here´s a couple more good ones:

ESL teacher: You must never begin a sentence "I is ...".
Clever student: Please sir, what's wrong with "I is a vowel".

This one highlights the gender differences between Spanish/English.

An Englishman went to Spain on a fishing trip. He hired a Spanish guide to help him find the best fishing spots. Since the Englishman was learning Spanish, he asked the guide to speak to him in Spanish and to correct any mistakes of usage. They were hiking on a mountain trail when a very large, purple and blue fly crossed their path. The Englishmen pointed at the insect with his fishing rod, and said, "Mira el mosca!" The guide, sensing a teaching opportunity, replied, "No, senor, 'la mosca'... es feminina."

The Englishman looked at him, then back at the fly, and then said, "Good heavens... you must have incredibly good eyesight."

[anthony]

Unos vecinos se encuentran en la calle, y uno dice:
- Yo siempre me levanto cada dia a las 3.
Y el otro dice:
- ¿A las 3? ¿Y cómo lo haces?.
- Pues hago 1, 2, 3 y me levanto.

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Un ladrón le grita a otro, en medio de un asalto:
- ¡Viene la policía!
- ¿Y ahora qué hacemos?
- ¡Saltemos por la ventana!
- ¡Pero si estamos en el piso 13!
- ¡Este no es momento para supersticiones!

[sosia]

Dos empleados del casino estaban aburridos esperando en una de las mesas

En esto llega una rubia muy atractiva y apuesta 20.000 euros a un solo número.
El empleado del casino tira la bola de la ruleta y entonces la rubia dice:

- Espero que no les importe, pero me da más suerte estar totalmente desnuda.

Se quita toda la ropa y dice:

- ¡Venga bolita!, ¡vamos! Que mamá necesita ropa nueva.

Entonces sucedió...

- ¡¡ He ganado!!, ¡¡he ganado!!.

Empezó a dar saltos y abrazó a los dos empleados.
A continuación recoge el dinero y su ropa y se va.
Los dos empleados se miran atontados y uno le dijo al otro:
- Por cierto... ¿qué numero ha salido?
- No lo sé... pensé que TÚ estabas mirando...

MORALEJA
No todas las rubias son tontas, pero todos los hombres, son hombres

[manuelrodriguez]

that was really nice

[sosia]

Un testigo de Jehová se sienta junto a un andaluz en un vuelo Sevilla-Madrid.
Cuando el avión ha despegado empiezan a repartir bebidas a los pasajeros.
El andaluz pide un whisky.
La azafata pregunta al testigo de Jehová si quiere beber algo.
Contesta el testigo de Jehová con mal tono: " Prefiero ser raptado y violado
salvajemente por una docena de putas de Babilonia antes que una gota de
alcohol toque mis labios."
El andaluz le devuelve el whisky a la azafata y dice:
"Yo también. No sabía que se pudiera elegir."

[celador]

Originally Posted by sosia

Juan, emocionado, mira al cielo y dice:

"¡¡Señor, Oh Señor!! ¡No busques más que ya he encontrado yo una!!"

I just want to make it clear, that I am not this Juan.

pero, esta Juan:

Había una vez,
Juan, no único
quién pensó
en se para ser un jeque
pero, las mujeres no se cayeron
para este hombre cabezón
porque él hizo solamente
por una semana $20
en el todos de su cheque.

[Tomisimo]

Hmmm $20 por semana no es mucho

[celador]

¿esto eran veinte Pesos, yo mencionaron?

[Tomisimo]

Viente pesos-- ¡peor tantito!

[samantha]

Obedient Wife There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miserable when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died.

He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!"

She had a box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."

The loyal wife replied," Listen, I'm a Christian; I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

[sosia]

not bad Welcome Samantha

[samantha]

thanks sosia

[Tomisimo]

He he nice one Samantha, you made me laugh.

[celador]

When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather first class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its "Fly In Leather" campaign literally, which meant "Fly Naked" (vuela en cuero) in Spanish.