Paraprosdokian sentences (to laugh your head off!)

[Alex]

This is sooooo funny, hope you like it


Paraprosdokian sentences: A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect.

· I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

· Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

· I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

· The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

· Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

· If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

· We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

· War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.

· Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

· The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

· Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

· To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

· A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station.

· How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

· Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

· Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

· I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.

· A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

· Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR."

· I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

· Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

· Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.

· Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?

· Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

· A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

· You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

· The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

· Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

· A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

· Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

· Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

· I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

· Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

· I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

· I always take life with a grain of salt... plus a slice of lemon...and a shot of tequila.

· When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

· You're never too old to learn something stupid.

· To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

· A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

· If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

· Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

[JPablo]

(I needed these this morning!)

[Alex]

I'm glad it helped!
I love the one with the white shark. (me siento identificada! jeje)

[JPablo]

¡La verdad es que todos son muy re-buenos!

[aleCcowaN]

¡Muchas gracias, Alex! Son muy buenos y es muy bueno aprender idiomas con esta clase de cosas.

Mi preferido: el de discutir con idiotas.

[chileno]

Originally Posted by Alex

· Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

That's me!

I'm not a complete idiot. There are several pieces still missing...

[JPablo]

This one,
· I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
Reminded me
· I used to be dyslexic. Now I'm KO!

[Alex]

Originally Posted by chileno

That's me!

I'm not a complete idiot. There are several pieces still missing...

@aleCcowaN: de nada! me alegro que te gustaran!

[pjt33]

Originally Posted by Alex

· Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

O en las palabras de Weird Al Yankovic: If money can't buy happiness, I guess I'll have to rent it.

Originally Posted by JPablo

· I used to be dyslexic. Now I'm KO!

Dyslexics of the world, untie!

[JPablo]

Oll, llo, llo, oll!!!

(Not just a dyslexic lol, but stuttering too!)

[Alex]

I see so much potential here!

lol, you've got a lot of imagination people.

I work at advertising, I'll probably end up hiring you

[sosia]

¡muy buenos Alex!

[AngelicaDeAlquezar]

¡Muy divertidos!

Joaquín Sabina tiene una de mis favoritas: "Y yo que había pensado morir sin descendencia, como murió mi padre".

[Rusty]

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” ~ Jack Handy

"On the other hand, you have different fingers." ~ Jack Handy

But I like ...
On the other hand, she had warts.

[Perikles]

(Spoken to an audience) Will all those people who believe in psychokenesis please raise my right hand.

[aleCcowaN]

Ese me hizo recordar el que dice:

"Por medio de un comunicado de prensa la Asociación de Videntes informó que su asamblea general convocada para el jueves próximo fue todo un éxito"

[JPablo]

Ah, very good ones!

I had another version too,

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile way - and barefoot.

And
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

[CrOtALiTo]

Alex.

Thank you for sharing us your letter, really your post was very long and very hard sometimes for my English, but I could read it.

Your post result very nice in some many part where you are tell us about the early bird and the bike, now I don't like much about the silence died like as you grandfather dies before, I didn't like me that.

I don't like to think about it.

And well since you have took the thread about the dies, my suspense came back without my medicament, hahahaha.

But not yet I can wait in read other version about your first post.

Sincerely yours.

[chileno]

Originally Posted by AngelicaDeAlquezar

¡Muy divertidos!

Joaquín Sabina tiene una de mis favoritas: "Y yo que había pensado morir sin descendencia, como murió mi padre".

¡No! ¿Y los dos están vírgenes?

[Alex]

jajaja están geniales los que agregaron!

Uno más:

"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together
and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think
of you often."